It’s A Dog’s Life

This is for those of you who are dog lovers. I’m not. I have no use for dogs—and am actually quite allergic to them.

Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

Groucho Marx

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before laying down.

Robert Benchley

Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

Ann Landers

In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.

Derek Bruce

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99¢ a can. That’s almost $7 in dog money.

Joe Weinstein

I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.

John Steinbeck

Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul— chicken, pork, half cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!

Rita Rudner

The dog’s kennel is not the place to keep a sausage.

Danish proverb

In dog years, I’m dead.

Unknown

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

Andy Rooney

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.

Sue Murphy

I think animal testing is a terrible idea, especially with dogs. They get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Unknown

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.

Aldous Huxley

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac who stays up all night wondering if there really is a Dog?

Unknown

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

Rita Rudner

The scientific name for an animal that doesn’t either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.

Michael Friedman

Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about little puppies.

Gene Hill

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

Ben Williams

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should just relax and get used to the idea.

Robert A. Heinlein

Cat’s motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

Unknown

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

Dave Barry

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Mark Twain

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.

Fran Lebowitz

When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

Edward Abbey

You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets.

Nora Ephron

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.

August Strindberg