150 WaYs YoU KnOw Ur AsIaN

1. u carry a pager/cellphone in ur right pocket, flipped inward, whether its activated or not.
2. ur bangs r either long enough 4U2 touch w/ur tongue, or ur hair ish gelled up in spikes hard enough ta impale small mammals
3. ur so caught up in name brand stuff, ur pocket lint ish labeled Nautica Competition.
4. ur vocab consists of "pimp, mack, wack" and as much "A-bonics" as u can remember
5. u gota Asian par-tays, and cant find ur car cux it looks like all the other Civics, Integras or ne otha Japanese/German cars
6. ur SN consists of the word asian, and every word in the profile is written i alternating lower case/capital letters.
7. u can neva address a friend w/o callin dem "foo"
8. u use da letter "z" in every other word when chattin
9. ur gf has enough make-up 2B accepted inta Clown College
10. u neva fit that old Asian stereotype of "all yellow skinned slant eyes r smart."
11. u enter chatrooms w/"representin' Westsiiiiide/Eastsiiiiiide," or " ne foin ladees in da house?"
12. u pick up chicks who wear shoes 2 inces away from bein' called stilts
13. u call ppl "peepz: since 2 syllables ish 2 complex 4U
14. u dont know da names of cities; only area codes
15. Instead of gettin' a real edumacation, ya learn a plethora of nonesencial pager codes
16. uve neva heard of ne other sporting wear other than Polo, Nautica, and Addidas
17. ya cant buy a shirt unless ish priced ova $40 and has a colossal sized Nautica, Polo, Versaci, Armani, or Bebe label attached ta it
18. ur not a basketball playa
19. uve neva bought a pair of pants that were <5 sizes bigga then ur real waist (guys) or size 0-2(girls)
20. ur an x-act carbon-copy of ur friends(hey like they say u r w/who u hang)
21. u claim "Asian Pride" wherever ya go, whenall ur doin ish shamin' da race
22. ur mom has a short-haired, curly perm
23. ur dad is some sorta engineer
24. ur 'rents still tried ta get ya inta places 1/2 price sayin ur 12 when ur 16
25. u ask ur 'rent help on one math prob. and 2hrs lata theyre still lecturin' "I did this stuff back when i wux in 4th grade"
26. u have a 20lb bag of rice inur pantry
27. Everyone thinks ur "Chinese" no matta what part of Asia ur ancestors were from
28. uve had a bowl cut @ one pt in ur life
29. ur 'rents enjoy compairing ya ta their friends' kids in everything u do and dont do
30. uve had ta sit through Karaoke vidoes w/scantily clad, ooogly Asian women attemtpin' ta dance and walk around a temple, forest or library
31. ur 'rents say, "Don't forget ur heritage"
32. u drive mostly modified Japanese cars
33. uve learned ta keep bargainin' even if da prices r already rockbottom
34. uve had ta eat parts of animals they dont even put in hot dogs
35. @ least once, uve started a joke w/"Confucius say..."
36. u know what bok choy is
37. uve ever gotten little red envelopes near February
38. Piles of shoes tend ta meke it hard ta open the doors
39. u hear ur name w/"eee or ah!" attached everytime someone calls u...(ex. Mary - ah!)
40. u eat rice like everyday
41. Idiotic ppl try ta impress ya w/pa-the-tic imitation Asian languages, like da eva popular: ching chong woo bok chi, etc...
42. ur 'rents say leavin rice in ur bowl is a sin
43. Da bio lecures on marine life was last nights dinna
44. ur ancestors 100 generations back invented da back scratcha
45. u know what asian jelly is (ex. lychee,etc.)
46. ur 'rents x-pect ull B best friends w/ne1 off da street in ne given area as long as theyre asian
47. N asian woman comes o campus and ppl ask "Is that ur mother? Well then, is it ur sister?"
48. ur relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs, or both
49. ur 'rent's say, "Calculus? I took calculus in 8th grade!!"
50. Everyone thinks ur good @ math
51. ur 'rents' vocab ish filled w/"Ai-yahs and Wah's"
52. u like $4 movies
53. u like $2 movies even more
54. ur aunts and uncles bring u some of da gayest clothes when they come visit
55. ur 'rents insist u marry w/in ur race
56. u neva order chop suey, sweet & sour pork, or ne other imitation oriental food
57. u either really wanna gota a BIG name university or stay away from it....(ex. harvard, yale, princeton)
58. ur 'rents have neva kissed u
59. ur 'rents neva kissed each other
60. u learned bout "nature" from someone other than ur 'rents
61. "u want a stereo!?! When i wux ur age, i didnt have shoes!"
62. Ppl C a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick andask ya ta translate
63. u have ta call just about all ur 'rents' friends "auntie and uncle"
64. u have 12 aunts and uncles.....on one side of da family
65. @ xpensive restaurants u order a delicious glass of water for ur bev. and neva ne dessert
66. ur 'rents simply cut the colored parts off da bread and say, "Eat it ne way. It's still good."
67. The vast majority of the ppl related ta u wear glasses....thick glasses
68. u will most likely B taller than ur 'rents
69. ur 'rents have ither made u play da piano, violin or both
70. u get nothin' if ya do wellin school, but crapped on if ya dont
71. when goin ta other ppl's houses u always have ta bring a gift
72. ur dad stll pulls his socks up ta his knees, u know, da ones w/da blue and pink stripes @ da top
73. ur family owns a tennis racquet, badminton racquet, or both
74. ur family always cheers for da asain movie stars on TV (Jackie Chan..etc.)
75. da furniture in ur house neva matches da wallpaper, carpet or decorations
76. u have rocks, sticks, leaves and strange- smellin, unknown substances inur pantry for use as medicine
77. u own a rice cooker or 2 and take one of dem ta college w/u
78. u buy soy sauce by the gallon
79. ur family owns butcher knives bigga than ur head
80. ur 'rents buy u clothes and shoes many sizes too big so u can "grow inta dem for yrs ta come"
81. ur 'rents taught ya how ta hold and use a chopstick when u were young
82. da girls and guys dye their hair w/brown streaks or even dye it da same color
83. uve alwayz dreamed of gettin a Honda/Acura & soupin' it up
84. u had ta massage ur 'rents feet
85. u short hand everythang
86. ya always take off ur shoes inside someones house
87. ur mom gets her eyes done(plastic surgery)
88. ur mom is the boss of the family
89. ur told the amt an american dollar is worth in ur country
90. u didnt get ta keep ur toys durin xmas cux ur 'rents decide ta give dem away da nxt yr. 91. u get hand me downs until u have ur own money ta buy ur own clothes 92. u have ta call everyone by the status they hold in the family...(ex. ur 2nd cousin (mom/dads cousin) is ur aunt/uncle even if they r 5yrs younger than u 93. when ur 'rents saw ur very 1st report card they thought the O's where a bunch of zeros and u got lechtured @ 94. ur not ta date till uve graduated college...phhh 95. u have relatives scattered all ova da US&Canada 96. ur 'rents say that that the worse race ta date is latinos/latinas 97. ur 'rents r races 98. uve gotta ask permission b4 u do ne thing/or go ne where 99. when u wanna borrow money from ur 'rents, they ask what its for and then u get lechtured @ 100. ur always wearin' black or some color thats dark enough 101. You were/are a good student with very high GPAs. 102. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or finance. 103. You have more than one college degrees, especially more than one Master`s. 104. If you play a musical instrument, it must be piano. 105. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
106. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
107. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
108. You beat eggs with chopsticks.
109. You always leave outdoor shoes at the door.
110. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
111. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
112. You boil water before drinking.
113. You eat all meals in the kitchen to keep your dining room clean.
114. You don`t use measuring cups when preparing foods.
115. You save grocery bags and use them to hold garbage.
116. You have a rice cooker.
117. You`re a wok user.
118. Your parents fight over who pays the dinner bill when eating out w/company.
119. You wash rice 2-3 times before cooking it.
120. You make sounds when you have a bowl of soup.
121. Your don`t dryclean cloths, even if they need to be drycleaned.
122. You iron your own shirts.
123. You like congee (Zhou1) with thousand year old eggs (Song1 Hua1 egg).
124. You always cook yourself, even if you hate it.
125. You use credit cards, and pay monthly bills in full.
126. You keep most of your money in a savings account.
127. You buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
128. When you hand wash dishes, you only use cold water.
129. You hate to waste food:
a) Even if you`re totally full, if someone says they`re going tothrow away the leftovers on the table, you`ll finish them.
b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
130. You don`t own any real Tupperware--only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
131. You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses.
132. When toilet paper is on sale, you buy 100 rolls and store them.
133. You have a collection of miniature shampoo/conditioner bottles and little soap bars that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
134. The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you "save" every time you get take out or go to McDonald`s.
135. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
136. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table.
137. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
138. When you go to a dance party, there are a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
139. Your house/apt. is always cold in winter, and hot in summer.
140. Your mom drives her Mercedes to Price Club, or ShoppersFood Warehouse regardless how far it is, even if Giant is next door.
141. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling Directory Assistance costs 50 cents.
142. You only make long distance calls after 11pm or during weekends.
143. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached.
144. You never call your parents just to say hi.
145. You think ONLY Japanease can make good CARS!
146. You use a colored face cloth every morning
147. You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat places.
148. You`ve joined a CD club at least once
149. You never discuss your love life with your parents
150 Your parents and grandparents always shout when talking on the phone.