Signs You Might Have a Drinking Problem

• You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
• You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
• Job interfering with your drinking.
• Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
• Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.
• The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
• Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
• Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
• When you can focus better with one eye closed
• The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
• Every woman you see has an exact twin.
• You wake up to find Windows 95 installed on your machine.
• If you keep asking your wife "where are the kids?", but you don't really have a wife and you're talking to the refridgerator.
• You fall off the floor.
• You discover in the morning liquid cleaning supplies have disappeared.
• Had "Spuds McKenzie" tattoo removed, replaced it with "Red Dog."
• Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
• Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.
• The glass keeps missing your mouth.
• Bill Clinton starts to make sense.
• When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof?
• Vampires get woozy after bitting you.
• At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
• Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.
• Having a hard time staying on the side walk - left, right, stumble, fall.
• You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom.
• You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women.
• Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more attractive.
• Waking up with a traffic cone between your legs.
• If on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories.
• The bottle's empty...that's the problem!
• Find yourself as the captain for the Exxon Valdez.
• Roseanne looks good.
• Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of bottle.
• You drink to get over a hangover.
• Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
• Mosquitoes spiral down to the ground in circles after biting you.
• Newt Gingrich.... he's soooo sexy.
• You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party in Waikiki.
• Red dog upside down looks like batman eating a catwoman.
• Boris Yeltsin tries to get you to join AA.
• The shrubbery's drunk from frequent watering.
• Do you (your name) take this woman.....
• Your only friends are Jack, Johnnie, and Jose.
• Double vision so much the norm, you can't function without it.
• You listen to the radio and start dancing to Hootie and the Blowfish.
• You can't remember what your family looks like... or if you have a family.
• Haven't stopped drinking since Carter got elected.
• You spend a whole night holding up walls to prevent their collapse.