"The problem with pessimists is that they're right too much."
"Death is a once in a lifetime experience."
"Contrary to popular belief, life is like being thrown into a bed of roses. You get to smell the roses and feel the thorns."
"Death is never prevented...just postponed."
"When you see a light at the end of the tunnel, make sure it does not get any brighter. It could just be the headlight of an oncoming train."
"Life is like a package from the Unabomber... ya never know what your gonna get"
"Failure is not an option. It is a privilege reserved only for those who try."
"It doesn't matter if the cup is half full or half empty. Whatever's inside it is evaporating either way."
"Reality Bites... and doesn't let go."
"As they say... there are other piranhas in the fish tank."
"A real friend is someone who would feel loss if you jumped on a train, or in front of one."
"Just because the past runs you doesn't mean you can run from the future."
"In life's wallet, there's no compartment for change."
"There is no need to lie your way through life, just keep the truth at a safe distance."
"Is it worse to get your head handed to you, or your heart handed to you in a couple of pieces?"
"That thought got ran over as it was crossing my mind."
"Dope is much more readily available than hope."
"If you take life too seriously you won't get to laugh along with everybody else when you fail."
"The present is not a free gift. You finance it with the future."
"Thinking about the past is a great excuse to waste the present and forget about the future."
"Hard work will never break up with you."
"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every waking minute of it."
"Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating and religion." -- "The Dilbert Principle"
"Mind over matter: If you don't mind, it don't matter."
"People who think they know everything are very irritating to those of us who do."
"There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it."
"There is no sincerer love than the love of food."
"Two wrongs make a right, Lisa" -Homer Simpson
"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." - Tom Clancy
"The world is full of willing people: Some willing to work, others willing to let them." -Robert Frost
"I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away." -Alexander Harris
"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people."
"In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on." -Robert Frost
"In a mad world, only the mad are sane." -Akiro Kurosawa
"I have all the answers, it's just that most of them aren't right."
"Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; nooses give; Gas smells awful; you might as well live."
"Sing like no one's listening; Love like you'll never get hurt. Dance like no one's watching; Live like it's Heaven on Earth."
"I get dumped on a lot. It's one of the hazards of being me."
"Life is short; live it up." -Nikita Krushchev
"My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right."
"The more you know, the less you understand." -Tao Te Ching
"Duct tape is like The Force: it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together."
"Strange how much you have to know before you know how little you know."
"A friend is someone you want to be around when you feel like being by yourself."
"Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair." -George Burns
"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her."
"Silences make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying, but the never needing to say is what counts."
"Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces."
"Hey, Dad, can I have a sip of your beer?" Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs." -Bart Simpson
"My neck hurts and my ear hurts. Now I have two owies."
"Welcome to my world! Zzzzzz". -Abe Simpson
"Doctors! Pffft! Doctors are idiots... you can ching-ching-ching cash in on this tragedy." -Homer Simpson
"This ticket doesn't just give me a seat. It also gives me the right- no, the duty- to make a complete ass of myself." -Homer Simpson
"Well, you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't." -Homer
"I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, there's no way you can prove anything!" -Homer
"You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on." -Homer
"I have feelings too - like 'My stomach hurts' or 'I'm going crazy!'" -Homer
"And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, everytime I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain." -Homer
"Trying is the first step towards failure. You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try." -Homer
"When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!" -Homer
"No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you." -Homer
"I want to share something with you: The 3 little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here." -Homer
"Because sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!" -Homer
"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!" -Homer
Simpson Quotes