What's the Point of the Light Saber

By: Hank Pete Katherine, and a whole lot of other people helped too

So it seems that there are people who don't understand the elloquence and beauty of the light saber. They don't understand why the jedi's weopon of choice isn't a blaster, a lazer gun, or just a 9 mm. Well one day my friends and I began to realize that there are hundreds of uses for light sabers other than fighting. This must be why the jedi's love them so much. Here are some of the different uses for a light saber that have been discused amongst my friends and I.

1. Opening lids, who needs a strong man around when you've got a powerful beam of focused light in your hands. 2. Disciplining dogs, I'm just kidding 3. Disciplining ex-presidents, I am SO serious. 4. Castrating bulls, it cauterizes while it cuts. 5. Slaughtering Cattle, I heard the current method is sledge-hammer, I feel that the lightsaber would be much less messy. 6. Cooking meat, from the inside out. 7. Hair cuts, just be careful OK. I'm suprised obi-wan never accidentaly cut that little braid off, but thats way off the subject 8. Turning the lights off. To hell with the switch just lop the thing off. 9. On a similar note, unlocking/opening doors. 10. It makes you look DAMN COOL. 11. Smoothing off annoing nails that you can't seem to pull out of a wall, Just like the Dremel all purpose tool. 12. Dazzel your friends with the worlds first inter-active laser light show. 13. Good Old Vandalism, you think spray paint is permanent. MELT THE WALL BABY! 14. Getting Chics 15. Bug zapper 16. Tayloring 17. Scaring away bears 18. OHHHHH I'm a luber jack and I'm OK. No more annoing vroom vroom just a nice humming. 19. Nightlight \ Noismaker, the humming drowns out the creaks and groans of todays houses, and the glow drowns out the scary shadows. A must have for every parent. MORE TO COME

If you have any other ideas for us, we'd be happy to take your suggestions.