A little background information: we wrote this story during a creative writing session in our senior year high school english class, where one person writes a few lines and passes it to the next person. It started out as a poem about our friend Matt and how fat he is (he really isn't fat; we just say he is anyway). The sad part, however, is that we never got to finish the story. Also, some of the humor in this story might be lost because you probably don't know some of the people that are mentioned throughout. I'd say it's still pretty damn funny though. Enjoy....

Authors: Sexy, Dio, A Blanket, Satan, Smelly, Dead

TM1: The Fat Epic


Chapter One

In the fat of my mind,
I smell the lumpy sight.
I'm going to eat dinner tonight.
Someday he'll be able to see his toes again.

But he is still fat.
Really, REALLY, REALLY fat!!

You stupid fat son of a bitch. When was the last time you saw your fucking toes you lard ass. Now go to your fat hell and burn all that blubber so some fucking eskimoes can get some oil for light. I love you, you fat whore.

But he is still fat.

So he eats some more and decides to read a quiet book by Thoreau, and fucks his mother in the ear, has sex with himself and eats a hot dog. He puts the hot dog up his asshole and makes Kelly eat it while his dad fucks her because she is fat too. So Caitlyn took her shirt off and imagined she was gay, and a pedophile. So Matt wished he was that 100 year old whore from Titanic. He loved thinking of having a wrinkled, hairy, skanky pussy.

But he is still fat.

Then he takes a pot and sticks it up his ass to boil corn and particle board. The handle breaks off, so he goes to the assman and Regis and Kathy Lee decide to join in. Kathy Lee starts chomping on Matt's fat while Regis fucks him up the nose. Matt liked this and convinced Justin to videotape him the next time. Justin liked it so much that he joined in and fucked Matt in the eye. Little did everyone know, but Mr. Crock just entered the room and said, "I like Beavers," and left. Then Jonny walks in and says, "My God!! That's the fattest, sexiest man I've ever seen." But it was Kathy Lee. Now it's six-way gay sex with the fat kid. Then Justin sexually molested Jonny (what else is new!) with the Fat Matt Fly from Mr. Crock's window. Then Big Bird from Sesame Street started singing. Marilyn Manson thought the singing sucked, so he flushed Big Bird down the BIG TOILET, then he started fucking Regis. Meanwhile, the BIG TOILET starts to plot against the inhabitants of Earth.

But Matt is still fat.

BIG TOILET decides to collect Matt's Fat shit to destroy the Earth. As the large orgy takes place, BIG TOILET shoots Matt's Fat shit all over everyone. One turd impales Regis and another decapitates Kathy Lee. All the other shit fell over everyone, in their eyes and mouth, and about 10,000 pounds of shit rested on top of Matt's fat stomach. Jonny pulled out his fat cock and put it in Matt's belly button and then he fucked a cow. Mr. Crock came in again and pulled out a knife and neutered Matt. Everyone eventually died from Matt's Shit poisoning, and BIG TOILET took over the world. Little did BIG TOILET know, but the Power Rangers were still alive, along with Matt. Although Matt was neutered, he was still very very fat, and therefore was still dangerous. And fat.


Chapter Two

The Pink Power Ranger is a hermaphrodite, and Matt cut off her penis and put it on his forehead. He then fucked A.C. Slater and rubbed hot oil all over his body, then fucked Lisa Turtle. Kelly Kapowski dropped in after she got done having sex with Peter, then left. Zack Morris fucked Justin in the asshole and found a piece of corn. Then Matt took a piss all over his fat, fat body with the power ranger's penis on his forehead. It drained down into his belly button, where Santa's elves swam in a puddle of fat piss.

"Well well well," shouted Calista Flockhart. "I, Ally McBeal, will destroy your fat." Her anorexia was no match for Matt, and he ate her whole. It was televised on the WB and the reruns were broadcast on UPN. When it was over, Matt proclaimed, "I am the Fattest Gangsta on the west coast. I am the Notorious F.A.T. and my ass cheeks are golden loaves of lard." Mysteriously, all the Power Rangers died, except for Tommy and the Fat-o-Zord.

Matt's fat was now overwhelming the entire world, so there was only one person left that could get Matt to lose weight. Richard Simmons visits Matt to make him thin. This backfires and Richard Simmons becomes fatter and fatter until he dies. As Richard is decaying, Matt runs out of food. He is too FAT to get up, so he decides to eat what was left of the decaying, rancid, fat Richard Simmons carcus.

The whole fiasco so far has been so repulsive and exciting that the National Enquirer comes to interview MattRat's Fat, but there is a surprise waiting for them that they didn't count on.....

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