Top Ten Things Shakespeare Would Say If He Were Alive Today



                   10.
                      "Now that I've had 400 years to think about it,
                      tights are kind of fruity." 
                    9.
                      "What's Gore talking about? I invented the
                      internet." 
                    8.
                      "I got ideas for three new plays just by watching
                      Jerry Springer." 
                    7.
                      "Even I think 'Saving Private Ryan' is a much
                      better movie than 'Shakespeare In Love.'" 
                    6.
                      "I'm gonna go hang out at Barnes & Noble and
                      pick up chicks in the theater section." 
                    5.
                      "'Cats'? Good Lord, is that still playing?" 
                    4.
                      "What's something good that rhymes with
                      'Hooters'?" 
                    3.
                      "I just got a 'Welcome Back Kotter' lunch box on
                      e-bay." 
                    2.
                      "The guys in high school English were right --
                      I'm gay." 
                    1.
                      "Dave, wherefore is thy number one never
                      funny?"
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