A testimony to think of...
I'm 23 y/o, live in Chicago, USA. I live in a very Catholic neighborhood
and grew up in the Catholic Church. I was an altar boy for several years
and even thought about being a priest (when I was in eight grade , around
12 years old). I went to a Catholic grammar school.
I always believed in God, believed that Jesus died for our sins, believed
the Bible was the Word of God and 100% true. Where I saw a possible
conflict between the Bible and the Catholic Church , I believed the bible
over the church (this post is not meant to be anti-Catholic, just
explaining my life).
After 8th grade, my family moved to a Chicago suburb. I went to public
high school. It was in high school when I withdrew from church and a
"religious" life, so to speak. It was also around the same time I realized
I was gay.
As I grew older in my teens , I accepted my homosexuality as a component of
who I was. I knew in my heart that God didn't like it, but I rationalized
that I would deal with that when I died and met him face to face,
effectively ignoring the Bible's teaching on the matter. So the more I
explored my "new world" the farther from God I got.
When I was 21 I moved to San Francisco, partly to experience life outside
Chicago and partly because that is a good place to be if you are gay. I
was very promiscuous and went to establishments of ill repute (I'll keep
this non-graphic). It was in SF that I really kinda began to see the
depravity and Godlessness of the life I was leading and the people I was
associating with. For reasons such as the previous comment as well as
financial and work-related reasons, I moved back to Chicago after 11
months.
I reassociated with my old gay friends I left behind in Chicago, but I
still recognized the Godlessness of everyone's attitude and the hostility
to things of God and my conscience started to bother me.
Because of my background in the Catholic Church and having a pretty good
education on the things of God (though of course not totally correct, but
the core was there) I knew that I couldn't live a life of sin for very
long. I decided that I needed to get back to church.
This is early 1997. I had decided to myself that the Catholic Church was
not the place for me to go to find God, and I pretty much discounted most
Protestant churches as well, though I had no real exposure to any of them.
I was contemplating becoming a Messianic Jew because I figured they were
the most like the early church.
To make a long story short, I never went that way.
In April of 1997, my cousin was involved in a major racial incident in
Chicago that was propelled into national news, the incident got the
attention of Clinton, Reno, Jesse Jackson, the mayor of Chicago, the
governor of Illinois, and everyone else in between. My cousin's mother (my
aunt) was completely devastated by what happened. She was never a woman of
God, just a lukewarm believer like most people. She was led into an
Assembly of God church in our neighborhood and God really comforted her.
Now everyone in my family and the 'hood are Catholics, so going to an
Assembly of God church, which the people around here know nothing about ,
was like going to a cult. So there was lots of talk about how my aunt and
some others were going to a cult church. I was hearing these things around
the same time I was in my search for a church to go. I felt ALL Christian
churches were illegitimate and sell outs to the world, so it was strange
for me to hear so much commotion about a church that was for so long
quietly ignored in my own neighborhood. I suspected in my mind that if
this church was enraging a lot of hypocritical people so much that maybe
JUST maybe that church was actually doing something right!
Because I didn't even know the name of the church, the denomination it was,
(I didn't know it was Assembly of God until I actually went some time
later) or how went there or what they believed, I didn't go to it.
So I kept hearing things about it all summer, but didn't do anything about
it. During the summer I decided that be gay was definitely wrong for a lot
of reasons, and began to back away from things I associate with being gay.
In October of 1997, the Promise Keepers had their prayer thing in
Washington. I read the early press about it, and seen how the press just
loved to attacked the PK. So in my mind I thought "If the world is
attacking the PK then maybe the PK is doing something right" So I watched
the entire rally on CSPAN that Saturday. That night I called my aunt and
asked if I can go to her church, still not knowing anything about that
church other than everyone and their sister didn't like that church.
I went to Church that Sunday, and WOW!! The Spirit of God just filled me.
In all my years of being in the Catholic church and then later living a
life of complete sin, I have never felt anything like that. In fact, I
never knew you can actually feel the Spirit of God. I thought it was all a
fake you see on TV so you can send the preachers money.
Well , ever since that Sunday, I attended almost every Sunday morning
service, Sunday night programs, Monday night Prayer meetings, Wednesday
night Bible Study, and a few Saturday night prayer sessions. I am keeping
my flame for the Lord alive because that is the will of God. I laid my
sins at the cross and asked to God to heal my mind and help me clean it up.
I still struggle to this day with impure thoughts. When I think I finally
have peace of mind and am "over" the old part of my life, I get them
again.. so it truly is a spiritual struggle to have a thought life that
conforms to the Will of God, and I pray to God for help with it every week.
Part of the conviction that led me to follow the Lord was some scholarship
into the Word of the Bible and the things it says about the End Time, and
its quite possible that if I didn't sincerely believe in my heart of hearts
that Jesus' return is soon, I would still live in the world of sin. But I
know time is short (yes, I know to live each day as if it's the last) and
there is no time to put off coming to the cross. And I know that if
belief in the eminent return of Jesus led me to be saved or open to being
saved, than it is true for others.
So I like to thank the Lord Jesus for forgiving me of my sins , both past
and present. To thank Him for sending his convicting Spirit, and thank Him
for giving me the wisdom to recognize the Signs of the Times.
Vince.
P.S Vince is a subscriber of god_talk mailing list. His testimony is sent to the
mailing list on his own accord. Any queries can be directed to
Vince
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