My Girlfriend Beat Me Up!

        It was a Friday night - I do believe it was October the second - or whatever  Friday...it was Homecoming weekend.  Courtney and I were snug in our beds-with visions of sugar plums dancing in our heads - oops wrong story.  Anyway, the two were sound asleep when they were awoken at 4:30 am by the ringing of the phone.

* * Ring - Ring ... Ring - Ring * *

Courtney:  (shoots up in her bed) “Oh it’s the phone!?
 (Rachel starts laughing because of Courtney’s stupid remark.  Courtney crawls out of her warm bed and answers the phone.)
Courtney:  “Hello??
Eric:  “Is this Courtney??
Courtney:  “Yes." (Courtney shoots a look of disgust at Rachel.  Rachel begins laugh uncontrollably.)
Eric:  “I just got jumped in my apartment building.
Courtney:  “Gosh are you OK?  What happened??
Eric:  “Well I was at this party and the guy asked me to leave.  I thought he was just kidding, so I stayed.  He continued to ask me to leave.  He said he was telling everybody to go home, but he wasn’t, he was only bothering me.
Courtney:  “Why didn’t you leave??
Eric:  “So I decided to go.  I got the beer and liquor that I brought, and walked out.  On the way back to my apartment Vince’s girlfriend got all in my face and started yelling at me.  Then she dumped the rest of her beer all over my $50 shirt.  I was really pissed.  So I dumped the rest of my beer on her dirty-ass over-alls and she flipped.  So I walked away and went into my apartment.  Then I realized I had my friend’s keys.  So I decided to go give them back to him.  On my way down the stairs I felt someone’s arm around my neck.  At first I thought it was someone being friendly, but then the person tackled me.  I fell down the stairs.  My friends were all standing around me and they stood there for a while before they decided to pull him off of me.  Then I saw who it was.  It was Vince.  Do you know how much trouble I could get him in?  He was in jail before, but now he is off on probation.  Anyway...I really don’t want to be here tonight...I don’t feel very safe. Can I come over??
Courtney:  “Now...at 4:30 in the MORNING????
Eric:  “Yes now.  I don’t want to be in this building any longer tonight.
Courtney:  “Alright, fine come over.
 
        About half and hour later there was a knock at the door. Outside stood Eric, he reeked of weed, alcohol, and cigarette smoke.  Courtney opened the door and he pushed his way into the room, and jumped up onto Courtney’s bed.  He gestured for Courtney to come lay next to him.  She hesitated, but he promised not to try anything on her. She climbed in next to him.  (She figured that he'd keep his word because he was about to pass out anyway.)  He fell asleep  almost instantly, but it took Courtney a little longer to settle in.  She slept for what seemed like five minutes until she was awakened when Eric’s watch beeped - very loudly-in her ear.  She couldn't go back to sleep because Eric was snoring and his watch continued to beep every hour, on the hour.
        When sleeping beauty awoke the next morning, we all decided to go to the Homecoming game.  We just hung out the whole day...doing nothing memorable, or interesting. That night, Eric took us to a friend of his house for a party.  It was a fun time.  (Even though Courtney was asleep for most of the time, because she didn't sleep the night before.)  We met Nate and some of his roommates (although his roommates don't remember meeting us.)  I managed to lose my watch...but unlike Eric...the "kids" in that house are nice, and it was returned to me the next day.  When Eric brought us home, he smelled so bad, that Courtney and I were about to puke, so I asked him if he was going to take a shower.  Thankfully, he said yes.  I assumed he meant at HIS apartment, so I was relieved.  However, he asked for a towel, and soap.  So...being the nice kids that WE
are, I gave him a towel and Courtney gave him soap and he finally went to bathe. When returned, he walked into the room wearing nothing more than a towel, and he was carrying his clothes.

Rachel:  “Why aren’t you wearing any clothes??
Eric:  “Is this legal??
Courtney and Rachel:  “NO!!!?
Eric:  “Well I didn’t want to put my dirty clothes back on they smell really bad.
 
    So Courtney gave him a T-shirt and her favorite slipper socks and I gave him my favorite sweat pants to wear.  Just because those were the only things that would fit his unproportional body.
 
        Well...since that night, we've grown smarter, and have drawn some conclusions from his story...full of holes.  For one thing, he could have locked his door, and stayed at home, instead of leaving his apartment.  He was beaten up by either his girlfriend, or another girl.  He has a tendency to run at the mouth with rude comments directed at girls.  A few nights after he came crying to us, a girl scratched him in the eye.  Jim (my second love here) told us it was his girlfriend, but Eric refused to comment.  Fun-ny!
 
        Not to worry about Eric.  He's now living in his (ex) girlfriend's apartment.  (She's since moved out.)  We got our clothes back... over five months after we lended them to him.

And that, my friends, is the story of Eric Scabbs.

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