Week 2 Wrap-Up
Marshall St., Speedway Starting Strong

By Jon Bielecki - KFS Press

    As fans in Woosta inched closer to the ledge, Week 2 saw Starwipe and Menace merchandise flying off the shelves. Two weeks into the season, some trends continued and two teams who missed the playoffs last season further solidified the fact that they think "this is the year." Meanwhile, bragging rights were at stake as the Mackerel and Tiger Army faced off in their first meeting of the season.

    Marshall St. (385.2) vs. New Haven (353.7)
    Result: MAR 6-3
    Hitter: Melvin Mora, Jose Vidro, MAR; Sammy Sosa, NHV (34)
    Pitcher: Jason Isringhausen, MAR (39.3)
    Goat: Jorge Posada, NHV (5)

    With another win early in the season, Jon Watterson has his Marshall St. Menace right were he wants them, above everyone else. "I do my best smack talking when I'm winning," Watterson said amidst his team's ritual champagne shower after every win. Although the team has yet to top 400 total points, the team has scored 380+ in each of its first two weeks. Week 2 heroes for Marshall St. were the infield duo of Melvin Mora and Jose Vidro. Mora broke out of an early season slump in a big way, knocking 4 extra base hits and scoring 7 times. Meanwhile, Jorge "George" Posada was demoted in New Haven as he proved to be the Goat in both opening series for the Traffic Cones. "I don't want to talk about it," said Jeff Stanley, "Give me Greg Vaughn... what? Zaun? Whatever."

    Speedway (314.7) vs. Chavez Ravine (311.7)
    Result: SPE 5-4
    Hitter: Vinny Castilla, SPE; Jose Guillen, CRV (31)
    Pitcher: Keith Foulke, SPE; Billy Wagner, CRV (29)
    Goat: Dan Kolb, SPE (-5.5) [Honorable Mention: Zach Day, SPE (-2)]

    Speedway joined Marshall St. as the only other team to win both of its opening series, but just barely. The Wipes were just able to eek out a 3 point win, no thanks to Goats Dan Kolb and Zach Day. "I knew we weren't going to get any more than 5 wins," said Ryan Friedman, "So I told those two to take a dive so the fans would remain interested. Call me Bill Veeck #2." The result has been amazing and fans in and around Speedway (wherever that is) are having a hard time finding hats and jerseys at local shops. A warning to the rest of the league: Pennant fever is alive in Speedway. Although they only scored 311 points, the Chavez Ravine Squatters remained competitive for the second straight week, to the surprise of many. "We should have won," said GM Bob Colayco, "It fell to Schmidtty and Muld...y and they laid an egg." Squatter aces Jason Schmidt and Mark Mulder combined for a pathetic 6.5 points in the loss.

    Chicago (408.7) vs. Mile High (352.3)
    Result: CHI 6-3
    Hitter: Miguel Tejada, MHI (45)
    Pitcher: A.J. Burnett, CHI (62.5)
    Goat: Jose Cruz, CHI (0)

    The biggest turnaround of the week came as Chicago laid 408 points on Jon Bielecki's Mile High Mackerel. Steve Adler had his pitching staff working at full force outscoring the Mackerel by almost 80 pitching points. Leading the charge was ex-Mackerel A.J. Burnett who got to put his name in the championship cup before the start of the contest. Burnett piled 62.5 points on his former team, which turned out to be more than half of the total points the Mackerel would get from its entire staff. The Mackerel continued to hit well, scoring 233 hitting points, while hitting only 6 HR for the week. "The team is hitting the ball pretty well right now," said Bielecki, "the power will come in time." Meanwhile, drunk on his .500 record, Adler confined himself to his apartment toiling over notebooks, desperate to come up with the next great catch phrase. Upon last update, there was no success...

    Baltimore (342.3) vs. Woosta (326.8)
    Result: BAL 5-4
    Hitter: Brian Roberts, BAL (51)
    Pitcher: Tim Wakefield, WOO (48)
    Goat: Troy Percival, BAL (-.3)

    In the battle of "I Doubt This Will Happen The Next Time They Play," the Baltimore Devil Jays handed the Woosta Pimp Roostas their second consecutive losing series. The Pimps out-pitched the D-Jays, but, led by Brian Roberts' ridiculous 51 points, the Jays batters put up a whopping 280 hitting points on the strength of 13 HR, 5 3B, and 16 2B. Although, a cause for concern may reside in the Baltimore bullpen, where only one player topped 20 points. On the other side of the diamond, the Pimps would have scored a victory were it not for early-round draft pick Magglio Ordonez going on the DL early in the week. A big match up in Week 3 will see Woosta, ready to break out of a slump, take on the defending champions, the Mile High Mackerel.