Week 3 Wrap-Up
Watts Rollin'

By Jon Bielecki - KFS Press

    Week 3 in KFS Baseball saw two teams enter the week with flawless series records, but only one was able to finish the week with the same claim. One-seventh of the regular season is over, and teams around the league are starting to get a feel of what they need to do in order to lock up a shot at the coveted Dan Moylan Trophy in September. Week 3's marquee match-up saw two of the KFS elite franchises, the Mile High Mackerel and Woosta Pimp Roostas lock horns.

    Woosta (503.5) vs. Mile High (465.0)
    Result: WOO 6-3
    Hitter: Alex Rodriguez, WOO (40)
    Pitcher: Matt Morris, MHI (44.5)
    Goat: Jerome Williams, WOO (6)

    The sleeping giant in Woosta is awake. A loud, "FUCK!" was heard in Mile High, and just like that, the Pimps are a force again. The P-Roostas dropped 503.5 points on the unsuspecting Mackerel for their first win of the season in Week 3. Led by The Gay One himself, Alex Rodriguez, the Woosta offense exploded for 333 points. 10 of the 13 offensive players for Woosta scored 20+ points and Mile High had no answer for the offensive barrage. The Mackerel again had a strong showing from their pitching staff, outscoring Woosta 187 to 170.5, but it was not enough. Pimp GM Rich Gallup had one word for his critics at his post-game press conference... "WHAT?!" Meanwhile, the past two weeks have not been kind to the Mackerel. Week 3 marked the second week in a row that Mile High has gone up against the league's high score. "What can you do," GM Bielecki said, "I think we've got a good lineup... everyone's doing as good or better than expected... we're just running into some tough competition. If we can keep this up, I think we'll be okay."

    Marshall St. (499.7) vs. Chicago (446.0)
    Result: MAR 6-3
    Hitter: Manny Ramirez, CHI (48)
    Pitcher: Jake Peavy, CHI (47)
    Goat: Nomar Garciaparra, CHI (2)

    As much as Menace GM Jon Watterson would like to hear the praises of his "awesome" team, the story in Week 3 was on the ground in front of home plate in Chicago. Nomar Garciaparra grabbing his groin was both the most painful and most humorous moment of the week across the league. "I'm going to assassinate him," Tiger Army GM Steve Adler said late in the week. For all the talking that went on by these two teams, Watterson's club emerged with bragging rights on Sunday night. Even though Chicago had the high scoring pitcher and hitter in the contest, the TA could not match the all around effort submitted by the entire Menace roster. "Even I am scared of my team," Watterson said, pointing at a random AP reporter, "And YOU should be too!"

    New Haven (426.2) vs. Speedway (385.0)
    Result: NHV 6-3
    Hitter: Chone Figgins, NHV (30)
    Pitcher: Brandon Lyon, NHV (46.8)
    Goat: Joe Randa, NHV (4)

    Week 3 was a disaster for Ryan Friedman's Speedway Starwipes. Not only did they lose the distinction of being one of two teams in the league to win its first 3 series, but it did so by losing to Chone Figgins and Brandon Lyon. Friedman was speechless at his press conference on Monday morning. "I'm speechless," he said. Jeff Stanley's Traffic Cones, the runner-up in last season's Package Series, celebrated by sippin' on Crissy and popping off a few rounds when they got home to New Haven. "Yeah, fuckas, we's be winnin' an' shit like that. Y'know what I's sayin'," said T-Cones captain Jeff Bagwell. Stanley was a little more reserved, "I tend to stick to the Colt .45," he said, "So wussup."

    Baltimore (410.3) vs. Chavez Ravine (398.7)
    Result: BAL 5-4
    Hitter: Chipper Jones, BAL (37)
    Pitcher: Mark Mulder, CRV (63)
    Goat: Craig Wilson, Xavier Nady, CRV (10)

    In Week 3's "Battle Of Who Could Care Less" presented by the Ben Folds Five, Baltimore prevailed over Chavez Ravine. The only real stories in this one were that Baltimore continued to get lucky with playing shitty teams and Chavez Ravine took home the KFSonline Player Of The Week Award for the second time this season. In related news, Mark Mulder announced that he expects to be traded to Woosta for Vincente Padilla before the end of Week 4.