FUNNY PAGE!

Welcome!  This is a collection of graphics, stories, pictures, jokes, etc... that I find funny. I hope you enjoy these as much as I do!

A man is sitting on the couch watching a football game when his wife comes in: "Honey could you fix the light in the hall it has been flickering for weeks?" "Now? Can't you see I am watching a game? Do I have a G&E logo printed on my forehead? No." "Well, then could you fix the refridgerator door? It has not shut properly for a month?" "Do I look like I have a Kenmore logo written on my forehead? No, now leave me alone!" "Would you at least fix the steps they are about to break!" "Do I look like I have an Ace Hardware logo stamped on my forehead? No. I am not a carpeter and do not want to fix steps. I am going to the bar!" The man goes to the bar has a few drinks and starts to feel guilty about treating his wife that way, and decides to go home and help out. As walkes up to the house he realizes the steps are fixed. As he enters the house he notices the light fixture is fixed. As he gets a beer out of the fridge he notices the door is fixed. He goes outside where is wife is sitting on the porch and asks her how everything got fixed. "When you left I was so upset I came out here and cried about that time a young man asked what was wrong. I told him what happened and he offered to fix everything. All I had to do was either bake him a cake or have sex with him." "What kind of cake did you bake him?" "Hello! Duh, do I look like I have Betty Crocker written across MY forehead?"

THE 1999 NEW TAX LAW The only thing that the IRS has not yet taxed is the penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed. 30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts. Effective January 1, 1999 your penis will be taxed according to size. The brackets are as follows: 10-12" Luxury Tax - $30.00   8-10" Pole Tax - $25.00   5- 8"  Privilege Tax - $15.00    4- 5" Nuisance Tax - $3.00 Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains. Anyone under 4" is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR EXTENTIONS!!!

There was an officer waiting on the side of the highway waiting to catch people speeding, when he saw this car go by at 40 miles an hour. He thought to himself: going that slow is just as dangerous as speeding so he got behind them and put on his lights. When he got to the car there were 5 old ladies inside. Two in the front and 3 in the back. He askes the driver if there was a problem and the lady asks the officer, "Why did you stop me? I was going exactly the speed limit?" The officer looks at her and says, "You were going 40 miles an hour.  The speed limit is not 40 this is Route 40!" The old women apologizes for the mistake and the office inquires about their well being. "The ladies in the back look awful pale and scared, is everything alright?" The driver looks at the officer and says we just got off Route 119!"

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