Colonel Helmet's Highly Irregulars -- Chapter 9

After a short siesta, the Highly Irregulars in their top-secret bunker a mile under the Lion’s Den nature preserve. Major Thor could be heard in the vomit room doing what the room had been designed for.

“Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!” Lt. Colonel Kniess had unleashed another of his trademark gaseous explosions. “Apparently Thor had a tad too much whiskey last night.” The thought of last night’s whiskey excursion mixed with the sounds of Major Thor and the putrid smell from the recent belch was enough for Captain Clithero. He slowly stood up and made his way to join Thor at the massive puke bucket in the vomit room. Sam chuckled slightly as Clithero stood as he remembered the jiu-jitsu “lesson” from the night before that now made Capt. Clithero move so slowly.

“Wang!” Colonel Helmet had perked up at the sound of the belch. “What in the ass-Christ is wrong with you, Kniess? That is fucking gross!” He picked up a pack of mints and flung it in Kniess’ general direction.

Kelly walked into the strategy room with a cigarette and the empty jug of bourbon. She half tripped over Terry who had decided to pass out on the floor. The near miss was enough to wake Terry up. He got up and walked straight to the mirror to inspect himself to see what was all written on his forehead.

Thor and Clithero upon finishing with their hurling returned to the main strategy room and took their respective seats at the main table. Colonel Helmet stood and prepared to rally his troops. “Lady, gentlemen, we are at a crisis! The Eskimos have retaken parts of Saukville that we had won. Our alcoholic escapade has given them enough time to WANG rally back and regroup for another full offensive. The WANG COCK,” Clithero threw pill down Helmet’s throat. “Thank you. The Mexicans are confused, scared, and still Mexican. They have compared our attack onto their presidential palace to September 11, of 2001. An international tribunal headed by Hilary Clinton is now beginning to sympathize with the Mexicans and Eskimos. We must make our way back onto the airwaves and let the world know what is really happening. Lt. Colonel Kniess, do you still have friends in Germany?” Kniess raised his bottle of Warsteiner and belched affirmative. “Excellent, we will use the Germans to get us on the airwaves. It is our time, people. We shall prepare a speech and deliver it by tomorrow evening! Are there any questions?”

Captain Clithero piped up, “When can we kill some dirty Skmos?” The question had greatly excited both Major Thor and Lt. Colonel Kniess. They too wanted to kill Skmos.

“Good idea, let us head to town and relieve some of our hangover anger!!” With that the Highly Irregulars gathered up their weapons and started to suit up in their disguises for the evening…




Chapter the First
Kapital Zwei
Chapter the Third
Capitolo Quattro
Kapitel Funf
Enemy Scene (chapter 6)
interlude (chapter 7)
Chapter 8
chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter the Tenth
Chapter 11
12 Chapter
Chapter 12
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