Colonel Helmet's Highly Irregulars -- Capitolo Quattro

The Liquor Hulk softly swayed as the sun came up over the beach. The four bodies of Colonel Helmet's Highly Irregulars were lying in a tangled heap of wrinkled skin, feces, and empty booze bottles. A massive fart erupted from the bottom of the pile where Lt. Colonel Kniess was trapped. The shockwave and subsequent smell woke the rest of the crew with a jolt. As he ran from the blast zone, Thor somehow managed to lift a large empty bottle, fling it at Lt. Colonel Kniess and scream "Goddamit!" right before throwing up into the water and all over the side of the hulk. Kniess simply muttered "What the shit" as he surveyed their current situation.

Colonel Helmet stripped himself completely nude and began to yell "Wang! Fuck! Cock! Piss! Shit!" With that Dr. Clithero elbowed him in the head and threw 2 pills down Helmet's throat. "Thank you Dr. Clithero. Wang! Does this situation seem strange to anyone else?"

The 3 other merry marauders gave him a blank stare. Running aground in the middle of the night was nothing new for the Liquor Hulk. Gary usually passed out at the wheel fairly early. Jesse would become ill and vomit profusely keeping him from steering. Dr. Clithero would wrestle himself to the ground and knock himself out cold thus he couldn’t drive. And Colonel Helmet would be too busy igniting his scrotum hair to even worry about the direction of the boat.

“Notice, lads,” Helmet continued, “The sun is rising over the beach.” Grunts, groans, and an “aw hell” were muttered as the rest of the squad realized what that meant. Sun rising over land meant that the crew of Liquor Hulk had ended up on the east side of lake Michigan. Lt. Colonel Kniess started cussing profusely as he realized he would have to get them back pronto. He turned to Dr. Clithero to see what the Doctor could offer as far as strategy but Gary couldn’t help but bust out laughing. Dr. Clithero had forgotten that the deck of the Liquor Hulk was in very bad need of a good sanding and not been careful where he wrestled himself the previous night. He had thousands of tiny splinters in the middle of his forehead. The Doctor was writhing in pain as he plucked the splinters out with a needle nose pliers.

As Thor stumbled back from the edge of the hulk he muttered, “Let’s just fucking go. Kniess, get us the hell back across the damn lake.” Lt. Colonel Kniess poured himself another Jack and Coke as he headed back to the wheel. The mere smell of the Jack Daniels was enough to send Major Thor running back to the edge. Dr. Clithero chased Colonel Helmet around the deck trying to administer his medication as the Liquor Hulk slowly chugged west toward Wisconsin.




Chapter the First
Kapital Zwei
Chapter the Third
Capitolo Quattro
Kapitel Funf
Enemy Scene (chapter 6)
interlude (chapter 7)
Chapter 8
chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter the Tenth
Chapter 11
12 Chapter
Chapter 12
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