Colonel Helmet's Highly Irregulars -- Enemy Scene (chapter 6)

Skmo commander Oligotwontan (throbbing igloo) slowly woke from a long, satisfying slumber. He lay in bed trying to remember his dream, but only for a moment. Quickly his thoughts switched to the current situation and the task at hand. The decades of skmo attempts to cultivate thier frozen land had repeatedly failed, mostly due to thier lack of farming. Seldom did a skmo plant seeds in the ground, usually they attempted to place them 2 to 3 inches under the top of the snow.

The skmo frustration led to anger, and the anger led to increased masturbation, and increased masturbation led to chafing, and the chafing led to hatred for the americans. The americans with thier fruitfull plains, rows upon rows of corn and soybean and cumquat. Soon he shall have all the corn and cumquat his skmo lips would desire. The alliance with the mexicans was the help they needed. Skmo divisions in the north, mexican infiltrators in the south, and they would both push towards the center, crushing everything in thier path.

It was a matter of personal pride that he reach the fertile fields of nebraska first. He and his fellow skmos would reach them, and have the first pick of land and the best corn and cumquat sandwitches. He closed his eyes and remember what his father told him before he died, "consi slapa slapa mexxi lanko kiko donga boneer" (we have the smallest penises of everyone son, even the mexicans.) He would show them about penises. He would get to Nebraska first. He would select the prime spot for his igloo fortress tower, and control the fertile fields for 18 generations.

His daydreaming was interrupted when he noticed a sticky substance all over his forehead. He touched it and immediately realized what it was. "dugi fouga man Juica saamba topppa! sundoga?" (there is semen on my forehead, why?) He screamed in a shrill skmoian voice.

Then he saw the note.It was on a 3 by 5 index card that was taped to his bedstand. It read simply "hello oligotwanton, i blew a load on your forehead - love Col. Helmets highly irregulars"

He looked over his shoulder and saw the window was wide open. Those bastards entered his room! and masticated upon him! Highly irregular indeed. He suddenly realized that his mission had grown much more perilous. He had hoped the irregulars were dead, he knew they were growing old....too old to fight he assumed. Dammit! he thought. He had intentionally delayed his invasion to a year he hoped they would be suficiently dilapidated. Now his plans were in jeapordy. and alex tribeck would not be happy.

He had fought the irregulars before, and seen his share of their ejaculate strewn amidst his commanding officers. It was legend that after recieving the load of death, you would be marked for um, well, death by the irregulars. almost all those he knew that had recieved this infamous jism ended up dead, or suspiciously homosexual.

And now the fluid manjuice lay on his own head. He shivered with fear, because he knew deep down inside he would never reach nebraska. He would never eat a cumquat.




Chapter the First
Kapital Zwei
Chapter the Third
Capitolo Quattro
Kapitel Funf
Enemy Scene (chapter 6)
interlude (chapter 7)
Chapter 8
chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter the Tenth
Chapter 11
12 Chapter
Chapter 12
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