Jimmy Hill's Chin End of Season Review

Having entered the Ernesettle Indoor 5-a-side league for two previous competitions, things finally clicked and we had a semi-succesful run at the third attempt. This page details the season, week by week.

Index

What's in a Name?	Week Ten - No Game
Week One - No Game a>	Week Eleven - Cup Tie: Semi Final
Week Two - Athletico Pants	Week Twelve - Divisional Play-Offs
Week Three - The Chipmunks	Week Thirteen - Cup Final
Week Four - Achilles 5	Week Fourteen - League Play-Off Final
Week Five - Mutley Marauders	Appearances
Week Six- Cup Tie: Fecundities	Moments of the Season
Week Seven - Cup Quarter Final: Clifton Classics	Excuses
Week Eight - No Game	Player of the Year
Week Nine - Anon	Statto's Corner

What's in a Name?

It all started one Friday afternoon at Ernesettle whilst completing the usual rigourous warming up routine that we engage in before our weekly training session, Dave Furness ambled into the changing room and said, "you are entering a 5-a-side team into the league aren't you?"

Time passed...

Two weeks later, the phone rang in Andy's office, recreation services needed a team name for our entry. What was it to be? Sporting Lipson? Inter Mutley? SparseAttack Valdicavcaz?. No, Andy paniced, looked at his computer, saw the Fulham Web Page and without thinking replied Jimmy Hill's Chin, thus a legend was truely extended.

Week One - Team kit and training

The team decided upon a dark blue kit - the result no doubt of having two Pompey supporters in the squad.

A perfect result for "The Chin", a week at home in front of the fire. Rumour has it that Brendan dribbled the ball around three chairs and a table, before finding the waste paper basket. Further rumours revealed that Rob Chrimes managed to last the full game, and that Gary Darragh was at home, ill and in bed.

Week Two - Not too athletic but a load of pants

The week of the best excuse for missing a game. Andy phoned Rob's wife to check that he knew the kick-off time, and left a message that the game was at five to seven. Rob returned home at half five to be informed that the game started half an hour ago! Eighty five minutes later the game started, with John in goal, Graham, and Andy sharing the duties at the back with Jim and Brendan glory hunting up-front.

We lost the toss, but won the game against a side so poor that we longed for the return of the Geography/Geology side from the summer league, who at least looked nicer.

Brendan and Jim scored two goals apiece, whilst Andy and Graham ensured that John didn't have to break sweat - a good job as he forgot his shower gell.

One game down, second place in the league, three points behind the leaders - Anon - with a game in hand.

Andy side footed the ball over the bar from the edge of the area, with the keeper no-where to be seen which led to much merriment whilst Jim & Bren battled it out for the prize of "most men beaten in a single dribble."

Baker, Morley, Smith (Darragh), O'Brien, D'Cruz JHC 4 {D'Cruz [2] O'Brien [2]} Athletico Pants 0

Excuses

Week Three - The Chipmunks go nuts

Andy invented a new tactic for this game, the double substitution using only one player. Five minutes into the game, Rob replaced Jim, who returned five minutes later in place of Gary. Going forward this worked fine, Jim scored a hat-trick, defensively it worked less well as scored put through his own goal.

Gary did however make up for it, with the goal of the game, running fully 10 yards onto a ball from Brendan laid across the field while all four players marked him. One look at the ball and "Wham", back of the net.

Rob exhibited outstanding stamina! Still second, still with a game in hand and an obscene goal difference of plus seven.

Baker, Morley, Darragh (O'Brien), D'Cruz, O'Brien (Chrimes). JHC 1 {Darragh}Chipmunks 0

Week Four - The 'Chin find their Achilles heal

Shoot from anywhere, their keeper is dodgy. Some advice that was, the keeper sat on the ball, kicked it away, broke wind in its general direction. They scored a jammy goal through Nick's legs and forced him to make several saves. We had the chances to win, but didn't take them.

The half-time substituions of the G-Force: Graham & Gary, made no difference and the squad was robbed of Jim and John through work commitments whilst Gary is fit and healthy.

Outram, Darragh (Morley), Smith (Earl) , D'Cruz, Chrimes. JHC 0 Achilles 5 1

Week Five - Marauders mauled

Some times it just clicks and everything works. This was one of those days.

Robbed by illness of Graham, the side showed up for the crunch game that needed to be won to keep the season alive. Brendan had been wound up the opponents all week, but was carrying a slight leg injury so began the game as sub. He stated that he, "wanted a two-nil lead at half time", he got FIVE.

Tim Earl played like a lord, and riffled the first home from a five man move. Gary not to be outdone drove the ball home through a crowd of players. Their heads dropped and we started to knock the ball around from defence . Andy got adventourous, strode forward from the back and true to his pre-match prediction dummied the keeper before going around him and rolling the ball into a now empty net.

Before half time, Jim and Andy added another goal apiece. Tim was reluctantly replaced at half time by last seasons leading goal-scorer Brendan, who try as he might couldn't score.

Then with three people on a hat-trick, we got a penalty. Needless to say, neither Andy, Jim or Gary could get hold of the ball from Brendan who showed about as much desire to part with the object as a Scotsman does from a drink. (Even John was keen to come out and take the penalty!)

Brendan thumped the ball home and the watching Anon began to look worried. Despite the slip up against Achilles 5, we returned to second in the table, and were left needing a point from the final game of the regular season, a game against Anon who also only needed a point. Thoughts of the Austria-West Germany game from the 1982 World Cup spang to mind.

Gary had a cold, but played anyway.

Baker, Earl (D'Cruz), Darragh, Morley, O'Brien. JHC 8 {Morley [2], Darragh [2], O'Brien [2], D'Cruz, Own Goal}Mutley Marauders 0

Appearances

Week Six- Cup Tie: D'Cruz Missle

Rob is now doing a good impression of Lord Lucan. Jim was away (surfing?) and Andy dropped out mid-afternoon to play in another game elsewhere. This left a bare squad of five to ensure that we kept challenging for trophies on two fronts.

The game looked easy, the opponents had lost four of their five games, conceeding seventeen goals more than they'd scored. Yet somehow we struggled.

Graham despite assurances that he was aware of the rule banning slide tackles he made three! John let in a goal under his body -- funny how the good shots always bring out the best in him, but a toe poke or back pass gives him trouble.

Brendan saved the day with three goals and Tim Earl chipped in another solid performance alongside perpetual motion himself, Gary "I've got a cold but I'll play if we're short" Darragh.

Captain for the night, Graham Smith compared the performance to the Liverpool of old (was he on medication? enquiring minds want to know). "The performance was below par, but somehow we won."

Baker, Smith, Darragh, Earl, D'Cruz JHC 3 {D'Cruz [3]} Fecundities 0

Week Seven - Cup Quarter Final: Classic tie leads to dispair

The old rivalry is renewed. Having buried Clifton 5-1 and been narrowly beaten 6-1 during the previous season this was the game that mattered most.

Selection was done through a democratic process of canvassing all opinions and then picking the side by consensus. Rob ruled himself out due to prior committments. John retained his place in goal and Andy and Jim returned to the side with Tim and Graham agreeing to be subs.

With hindsight playing a week later, drunk after the Charles Cross Christmas Party would have been a much better idea. At least we wouldn't have cared.

The first half was typical stuff, played at ninety miles an hour. Jim and Brendan battled for an opening, Terry Mangles performed heroics in the Classics goal - at one point stopping three consecutive shots without fully regaining his feet.

Individually we played below are capabilities, collectively we were even worse. The pre-match advantage was gained by turning up for the game with Clifton expecting to play someone else in a league match. However, due to the party we moved forward a week, this advantage was soon lost as we were sucked into playing a game at lightning pace.

Some terrible oik kicked me within three minutes, and we should have had a penatly -- the player was a good foot inside the area: and said so after the game -- before they broke away two against one and dispatched a fine shot into the goal: disproving the theory that John only lets in soft goals and stops all the good shots.

We battled away against the majority of the crowd, which Graham (a lone voice) did his best to out shout. Jim had one breakaway chance, through on goal he drew his foot back to shoot and was immediately upended by a slide tackle. All eyes looked for Graham, yet for once he was miles away, behind the goal not even involved in the game. One malicious calculated challenge had deprived us of an equaliser. I can't believe any of our side would have been this calculating.

At half time, an one nil down the decision was made to warm up the subs. Two minutes later we made the changes, Tim replacing Jim and Graham coming on for Gary. Andy twice put the ball into the net, but both were ruled out for entering the area, Tim had a fine shot saved and Graham put in his customary last ditch challenge to prevent them increasing their lead.

Unfortunately, as the challenge was made, the ball broke lose to a Classics player who quickly dispatched the ball into the bottom corner from fifteen yards. Rumour has it that a certain Chelsea player, blocked John's line of sight. I dispute this fact, but feel obliged to report it in the interests of impartial reporting.

Right on the final whistle Brendan pulled a goal back, but we failed to do ourselves justice, four goals better than last time we played the Clifton Classics, but still not good enough, and they deservedly went through.

Baker, Morley, Darragh (Smith), O'Brien (Earl), D'Cruz. JHC 1{D'Cruz}Clifton Classics 2

Week Eight - It's my party and I'll laugh if I want to.

No game this week due to the cup game being brought forward a week to accomodate the club Christmas party. Graham Smith wowed the audience with a particularly wonderful joke relating his experiences on a Bavarian Skiing trip. The clapometer failed to register a ripple, although the noise of jaws hitting the floor may have caused the needles to flicker briefly.

The result that filtered through from Ernesettle really got the crowd going, The Chipmunks had beaten Achilles 5 four-nil meaning that the "Chin" was extended into the end of season play-offs.

Week Nine - Smith scores the goal of the season

After a three week break for Christmas, the side returned to action knowing that we would need to lose and Chipmunks beat Mutley Marauders by seven clear goals for us not to reach the next round.

Gary suprisingly didn't show up for the game, so there was a late call for Jim to play the full game, rather than replace Tim Earl at half time. This turned out to be an odd game.

Jim scored his usual goal beating two players and blasting past the keeper to give us a half time lead. The problem was that we just didn't settle, I doubt whether a single move consisted of more than three passes and mistakes were being made. Notably a failure to get behind the ball when Anon had possession.

Early in the second half Graham replaced Tim and immediately from a free kick -- awarded to Anon when Jim moved his leg backwards as their defender kicked out causing him to fall to the floor and lose his glasses -- scored.

We can only assume that Fred assumed that Jim's glasses were a comment on his refereeing and awarded a free kick for ungentlemanly conduct. From the free kick a certain player (who shall remain nameless) dived in on the forward and watched in horror as he span away to score the equaliser.

Backs to the wall, we dug in. Then lightning struck. "Smudger" Smith strode forward like a forward like a libero and curled a shot past the keeper into the top corner for a two-one lead. When asked after the game to describe the goal, he recounted a tale of many passes, leading to him with the ball at his feet, spotting the keeper out of position and curling the ball majestically into the top corner.

The reality was a little blander. What really happened was that Jim shot, the ball rebounded to Graham from the keepers legs, and then Graham (who honestly did look up) curled the ball into the top corner brushing the keepers finger tips on the way. Not content with scoring he avoided putting in a single slide tackle all game.

Instead of killing the game, and playing the ball around one of the front two needlessly dribbling lost the ball. Anon broke with three players towards Andy, who gambled on the wrong player and watched as the ball beat John off the mat.

Fortunately the whistle came before they could score a third. We graciously shook their hands wishing them well in the play-offs and telling them we'd beat them in the final. We then moaned in the showers about how flat we felt, and started to plan again how to beat the Clifton Classics over thirty minutes in the play-offs.

In a quick breach of club rules a minor celebration was conducted in a local public house. (One pint maximum). Graham forgot his own telephone number - a result of the shock of scoring? He was last seen wandering around the link block muttering about curled goals, Terry Fenwick and a PhD.

Baker, Morley, Earl (Smith), O'Brien, D'Cruz JHC 2 {O'Brien, Smith}Anon 2

Week Ten - No Game, No Tales of Despair

Achilles 5 and Athletico Pants played out a pointless game for minor league positions. Both Anon who finished top of the table and ourselves had already qualified.

Week Eleven - An observation about goalkeepers

In preparation for the following weeks game, the team went to the pub. Graham Smith, well known friend of goalkeepers offered his own observation upon the position, "The role of the goalkeeper is an interesting one and should be kept." Clearly the vacant England managers position was Graham's for the taking, if only he'd applied.

In the Cup Semi final, Clifton Classics and The Chipmunks battled out a dour nil-nil draw to take the game into sudden death penalities. Andy tried hard not to smile, when he bumped into the Clifton forward in Sainsburys and had to listen to his tale of how he missed his penalty to send the Chipmunks through to face Sexual Ealing in the final.

Week Twelve - Psychological Warfare and Selection Dilemmas

As we entered our fifth game against the Clifton Classics we were reminded of our record against them. Played 4, Won 1, Lost 3, Goals For 8, Goals against 11.

Clifton were clearly up for the game having lost in the Cup the week before. Our selection dilemmas played on everyone's mind for the preceeding three weeks. Should we play a defensive formation with three back and a lone striker? hoping to force CC to commit men forward and allow us to spring Brendan free on the break. If so, which three players should play at the back? Should we play two-up, two-back? and if so which two should fill each role? We even talked about the possibility of playing Brendan in goal for some of the game.

Finally Andy settled upon a defensive start to the game, with himself and Graham playing at the back, with Gary just infront and Brendan playing a lone role upfront. As we warmed up, hopes were raised when Terry Mangles, Brendan's goalkeeping nemisis was nowhere to be seen, and although his replacement looked good, the mental problem of beating Mangles was removed.

Now was the time, for our master stroke to unsettle the opposition. We had decided to play in black shirts to ensure a clash of colours with the Clifton Classics, pub provided kit. If we lost the toss for shirts we would change into a white kit, knowing full well, that they would know that we had a change and were trying to force them to wear bibs.

During the warm up, Andy and Brendan wore trackshuit tops, as Fred called the captains to the middle they were removed, and Fred was forced to toss for kit, before tossing for ends. Brendan called correctly, and after a faked discussion we asked Clifton to cover their shirts with red netball bibs. The unsettling tactics had begun.

From the first whistle, Clifton dominated the game and laid siege to our goal. However, we restricted them to long range shots and slowly but surely we gained confidence in our defence, happy that we weren't about to concede we commited more players to attack.

Andy took this a little too literally and upended their right back with a sything challenge. John dealt comfortably with all the long range stuff, plaming the ball down and gathering it safely. Finger tip saves, were now becoming something of a speciality.

Graham confidently shouted, "they can shoot from there as much as they like."

"Thanks we will", came the reply.

"Don't mention it", quipped Andy.

The pressure was probably the greatest we had faced from any side in the competition. However, we held out to half time and John began to compose himself in case the game went to penalties.

The chance had now arrived, and was grasped with both hands. Graham's defensive solidity was sacrificed for Jim's dribbling. The theory being that Clifton would now be feeling the pace, after their continuous attacking.

Graham resorted to his coaching role, shouting advice and encouragement from the sidelines. Gary dropped deeper to fill the vacuum left by Graham and all was set for a tense second half. We looked a greater threat going forwards, Jim (with contact lens - a result of his last appearance) increased the options upfront.

Gary and Andy made several fine challenges to keep the shots reigning in on goal to those from distance. Brendan harried and Jim hassled. However we were about to be punished for being caught in possession. A lack of mobility from the team forced John to role the ball out to Gary who had managed to make himself available, by the time the shout of "man on" was raised, Gary was isolated (Andy had gone on a walkabout). gary tried to put his foot on the ball, but Snowny White drove the ball from under his foot and across John into the far corner of the goal.

One-nil down, five minutes to go.

Fortunately we through we had longer left and refused to panic. We started to pass the ball around a bit more and then lady luck smiled. Gary carried the ball forwards, laid it inside for Brendan who checked inside his man and shot towards the bottom left corner. Seconds later the ball deflected off an outstretched defenders leg and rebounded into the righthand side of the goal.

The equaliser had been scored, and now with JHC in the ascendancy there could be only one winner. Moments later, Brendan checked inside again from a through ball, Jim span away to the right pulling the defender with him and leaving Brendan half the yard of space he needed to fire home the winning goal.

Graham called for the second substitution, Gary made way for Tim who playing in a more defensive role that that to which he was accustomed helped tidy things up at the back. Several last ditch tackles from eveyone, helped as slowly Clifton commited more men forward, and we increasingly attempted to hit them on the break, a lovely back-hill from JIm sent Brendan racing away and forced the keeper into a double save.

Later Gary returned the ball from out of play behind the goal, a kind spirited act to which their goalkeeper took great offence. Graham tried to defuse the situation by laughing it off at which point he was pushed violently in a manner unbecoming of a gentleman!! Tish, Tish, images of the infamous Cantona incident spang to mind, as the keeper looked all set to launch himself into the crowd (or at least Graham) until Graham shouted, "Fred, Fred", at the referee and a jolly peep from his whislt reminded us all that it's only a game.

We held on to the final whistle, cheered on by our divisional winners Anon who had now arrived to play their own play-off tie. A mixture of determination, winning all the 50-50 balls, and a number of fine saves from John including one tipped onto the post and then caught with nonchalent ease as it rebounded back towards the onrushing forward ensurred no more goals were scored.

At full time we graciously shook their hands, telling them all what jolly nice chaps they were, how unlucky they'd been and then settled down to watch the potential opposition for the final. (See below). A number of post-match driks were consumed and a Clifton Classics shirt that had been left behind in the changing room was taken as spoils of victory (later returned after photocopies had been made).

John Baker the hero of the game, spent the rest of the week looking forward, unfortunately for John it was not looking forward to the final. Two days after his sterling display he awoke unable to move his neck, once he finally managed to crawl out of bed to the doctors, the diagnosis was for a long lay off, and although the cause of the injury remains unknown, the effect was to rob the site of the goalkeeper just ten days before the final.

Baker, Morley, Smith (O'Brien), Darragh (Earl), D'Cruz JHC 2 {D'Cruz [2]} Clifton Classics 1

Week Thirteen - Unlucky for John so Outs is In.

Sexual Ealing entered the first of two games, in two weeks with a chance of completing the double. In their way stood the Chipmunks: a side we had beaten four-nil and who had managed to beat the Clifton Classics on penalties the week before.

In a close fought game, Sexual Ealing emerged as one-nil winners, but elsewhere our manager was frantically searching for a goalkeeper. John Baker now looked splendid in his neck collar, Peter Shilton having left Plymouth Argyle preferred his chances at West Ham, and Chris Woods was chancing his arm at Sheffield Wednesday. There was only one thing for it, a later recall for Nick Outram.

Week Fourteen - League Play-Off Final

A game too many? Another final defeat? The horror of a penalty shoot-out? All these things went through the minds of the team on the day of the final.

With the side cruelly robbed of John, Nick lined up behind Graham, Andy and Gary with Brendan filling the lone strikers role. The previously successful tactic of bringing Jim and Tim into the game when the space was appearing was again decided as our best hope of victory.

Sexual Ealing warmed up for the game, looking splendid in their University Football Club tracksuit tops, we tossed for wearing bibs, and again having won the toss asked them to don the red shirts. At this point, they removed their tops to reveal white shirts. An old ploy that lacked originality and one that we took completely in our stride.

The first half was a blur, defensively solid but with both deep players hanging too far behind the front two and not breaking forward to give enough support. The isolation of the front players, led to a nervous time for John watching on from the side with the knowledge that he would have to call the tactical changs and make difficult choices about the substitutions.

Nick filled John's gloes admirably, making some good saves to keep the sheets clean. The defence held firm, and when stretched always managed to get in the vital last block. Then we broke.

Graham was fed the ball having made a brilliant off the ball run to find space, with the goal at his mercy he received the ball which bounced up his he shot on the turn causing him to shoot over. Gary played his usual robust game, getting up and down the pitch, jinking outside a defender from an Andy through ball, he was everntually forced wide and away causing the first half to end scoreless.

At half time, Graham who had been a rock at the heart of the defence gave way to Jim, Gary dropped back to reinforced the defence, and gradually we worked our way into a lead. Two goals from Brendan: the first a bustling run taking advantage of the advantage rule before shooting home, and one from Jim involving a mazy run and Cruft turn gave us an almost unbelievable three-nil lead.

Andy changed tactics and removed himself instead of Gary, to introduce Tim's fresh legs and despite considerable pressure from Sexual Ealing, that saw Brendan drop back and play as a sweeper! Nick, like John in the games before him made a string of fine saves: a double save when teh forward was through one-on-one, a palm around the post and a late save from their sweeper kept the score respectable and more importantly in our favour.

Gary made several crunching tackles and despite Brendan and Jim being level in the scoring charts they continued to pass the ball to each other. Tim, despite having Graham shouting "get back, get back" and Andy yelling "get forward, get forward", somehow managed to keep his head facing in the right direction and made several pressure revealing late runs.

In all this was a glorious performance against a side filled with Univesity players and who had already completely one half of the double. They were well beated, and although individually they were probably better, collectively we were the better team, and therein lies, in a nutshell the reason for out successful season. We had the tactics to beat the oppositions, the discipline to adopt the tactics required and the team spirit to make it work.

Baker, Morley (Earl), Smith (O'Brien), Darragh, D'Cruz JHC 3 {D'Cruz [2], O'Brien} Sexual Ealing 1

Moments of the season

Player of the Year

The competition for the player of the year -- the highest of all accolades -- was voted for by a single transferable vote.

The following comments were made about this years winner:

"A real team effort sacrificing his own preferred position to benefit the team."

Without him we'd never have got past the first round. Ever dependable, always alert, not bad for someone who hates being in goal.

he showed devotion to the role of goalkeeper.

It was of course John Baker.

Honourable mentions were also made of following:

Brendan "Needs to his improve his dribbling skills." & "Deserves recognition for his mazy run around and goal poaching.

Gary When someone is one on one with the last defender, you always hope that it will be him & Covers the whole pitch and has a fantastic shot on him.

Tim "Ever reliable and happy to be used in whatever role was best for the team." "An unsung hero"

Andy "invaluable in defence", "manager, tactician, backbone of the team."

Jim "added a new dimension to the side, releasing pressure from Brendan." "well worth the free transfer, his arrival transformed the fortunes of the club."

Nick "had everything to lose in the final, the side was winning and if we'd lost then everyone would have looked at John's absence and Nicks presence. He gave no reason to doubt, inspiring confidence at the back and making some great saves."

Graham "solid, reliable and the scorer of goal of the season." If I ever need to go to war, I want this man in the trenches alongside me.

Rob "Started the season well and then faded."

Stato's Corner

1) John Baker went forty-five minutes from week two to week six without conceeding a goal to the opposition.

2) During the course of the Preliminary Round of the Cup, Graham Smith completed his twenty-third slide tackle of the season. Rule 15. is obviously not one than Graham respects.

3) Despite eventually topping the goal scoring charts, Brendan D'Cruz failed to lead the table at any point during the season.

4) Tim succeeded in being the man of the match in both the best and worst games of the season (Mutley Marauders & Fecundities)

5) Gary is to donate his body to medical science to permit research into the long-term effects of the common cold.

6) Andy Morley failed to graduate as a manager and returned to coaching school the following season.

7) Jim O'Brien's hair stayed in placed for three games without the aid of sprays or gells. The same cannot be said for his glasses which were continually knocked out of place.

8) Rob Chrimes, lost weight, lost his fixture list, but never lost in a game.

9) The city council denied all rumours to block the gap between Nick Outrams legs and denied any knowledge of how he ripped his underwear midgame.

Postscript

The title was never defended. An administrative oversight led to the deadline for league registration being missed. The club disbanded and has since reformed under four difference guises. Mister Sitter & Miss Wildly for the first Seasl Hayne Six-a-Side tournament, Roda JC for the second, and now this year as The Psycho's in the competition we've previously won.

John Baker has been sent to Coventry where he is rumoured to play for Jaguar, Gary Darragh is lost in the maze that is Milton Keynes. Brendan D'Crux has signed a deal for Northampton Nene Computing and will transfer in September of 1997.

The remaining players still make the trek to Ernesettle and keep the winners shield polished, and once a month gather around the old drinking dens and tell tall tales of when they won the league.