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I failed with my promise.
After seeing how pitiful the 'Mores were in
the first 3 games, we go to the health spa known as the Monarchs. WE WILL WIN!
THE CLAYMORES WILL KICK THE MONARCHS BUTT! REMEMBER THAT THE MONARCHS ARE
KENNY!
Editors note - That's a South Park Reference
Also, i decided that i have found a couple of Monarch fans in class and
I personally said, "WHAT R U THINKING!?! THIS IS A CLAYMORE TOWN NOW AND
FOREVER!" My mother booked another Disney trip
to Florida for next year but it is in march. Last time i went, in 96, the
"Mores won the World Bowl. Maybe they will win it next year, but I am NOT
giving up on this year. NOT is the big word.
TELL THAT THE MONARCHS THAT THEY WILL DIE LIKE KENNY!
Signed by a 'Mores fan that wants a win NOW!
Brenden12@aol.com
Editor Replies - Well sorry to say Brenden... we didn't and now well perhaps it's time to move to another city... Raleigh-Durham anyone ?
Well this arrived after the game... you think we shoudl keep "Boneheaded Calls ?"
It seems to me that the draw play is the boneheaded coach's choicest play. I'm an American who has been watching pro and college football for twenty years now - and I have never seen the draw play work - period. If you gain one yard from a draw play, consider yourself lucky. Defenses nowadays are just too damn smart for it. Oh well!
Just wanted to show my support for the Claymores - keep your spirits up. I've been a Packers fan for twenty years now - they've been a decent (if not bloody terrific) team for maybe three of those years. So - chins held high - still upper lip - the Claymores will be winners once more ... hopefully before the end of this season.
Obscure351@aol.com
Editor Replies - Thanks for the input. Now could you please convince the Claymores staff ? Good to hear from you
CAMOTO7@aol.com
Editors' reply - Well Thanks for the agreeing on 3 things with us out of 4. But until Chris Miller can hold onto the ball more often when it's thrown over the center of the field, we won't think he's brilliant. What has Doug started with the PANTS thing ?
Then we got a review of our Week 3 ReView
smnickle@sprynet.com
Editor replies - Well at least Ballard admitted he was trying too hard. Part of the problem seems to be that Ballard doesn't seem to trust his receivers as much as he'd like to. We've lost our top 3 WRs and don't have a healthy TE. When you lost 6 skill players it makes it tough. As to dumping off to the running back as you put it Bender was often wide open and managed to collect a good few yards. Our WRs were rarely open deep down field and we have to honest they aren't our first choices. Once Resee and Cooper are back we can send Mazik deep with one-on-one coverage, and Jim will have more time with a healthy tightend to draw a defender.
As to putting Beck in... I doubt that's going to happen until we are totally dead in a game. Remember we were close this weekend only for the turnovers we could have won.
I just read your script for "Yes General Manager", and the coach thinks he is the chair umpire at Wimbledon. That was funny, but not as funny as some of the scenes in a tv show i prefer to keep secret.
Finally it is 1998. My obit for the Monarchs and the World League will be posted at the end of this letter. Well i was flipping through the channels and those stupid imports known as the teletubbies are coming to the states. i compare those things to the England Monarchs. THEY STINK! There is this show called South Park in the States and there is this character named Pip. I compare him to the Monarchs. He's English and always gets his butt kicked.
Editors note... I've seen South Park... and believe me the Football game is something out of this world ! All together now... Oh my god they killed Kenny
I will have my game review for Barcelona next week bundled with the Amsterdam review. Now to the obits:
London Monarchs, 1991-1997
ABSOLUTE WORST FOOTBALL TEAM ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH!
World League, 1991-1997
Thanks for spawning the bravehearts and UNFORTUNATELY, THE WORST FOOTBALL TEAM
ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH.
Write to you next week and Happy Easter.
Signed by a Claymore fan that wants Shuggie to get Snoring George's head in Week 4!
Brenden12@aol.com
Editors Reply... Now come on I thought it was the Skyhawks who were the worst team on the face of the earth. Oh for that 1991 season... Oh wait no the Monarchs were actually good then. :) Thanks for keeping in touch Brenden !
Then this arrived from someone who was once a semi-regular contributor to these pages...
I am instructing my lawyers to take action against you, as soon as they are paroled from the last time I asked them to take "legal action" against a guy who crossed me. You have been warned.
Ron E. Hatstand.
Editor (Doug) Replies - Ron, what ever happened to you ? We were all set to have your views on our pages when this arrived ! It was barely readable. The Crayon was terrible. Then again it might pass off okay for a London playbook.
Yes I am that man who Dougie met in Miami. Yes really, for once he was not espousing rubbish. :-) So of course I have an alternative view of "mad Claymores abroad"
I had never been a big fan of yank ball only ever watching the odd C4 highlights game on a Sunday or monday and never gave it a thought when I first read about the WLAF. However, 4 days before the first game, my mother, who is a typist for the police in the west end of Edinburgh, phoned to say that some large American had come into the front office and handed in 200 season tickets for the Claymores, would I like some, as nobody seemed interested!
I took possession of 10 and began to round up a posse of friends to go. Boy was that hard work! "Im no goin' tae that pish" seemed to be the concensus of opinion, but 5 of us made it. I was totally hooked. On the wee blond things in the dresses and the pre match party, that sold Budweiser in the grounds! Wow! It Just started off everything famously. So into the stadium. Got humped. went home.
The rest of the season went the same way except I had by now received the moniker of "sad Claymores bastard" from my mates and had been reduced to taking the wife for company, but as she can drink more that me, it was cool. ;-)
Season 2 + 3 came and went in a flash although I was still unable to go without my dear wife :o} who insisted of drinking the beer tent dry before spending the entire game asking "is now a good time to go to the toilet?" along with "Is it time to go home yet" and "Go and explain the rules again".
I had been denying myself holidays for couple of years so as to save up to go to Florida and party with Mickey mouse. In planning my holiday I noticed that during the day before I was due to be flying home from Miami, the Dolphins were playing the Bills. So I phoned the Stadium and got tickets. (Yep it was that easy) And made reservations in the Holiday Inn at pro player stadium for the night.
I'm not going to bore you with my holiday suffice to say I turned up in the Holiday inn at 3pm and tried to check in along with 200 other folk, who's rooms were also not ready. So here I am, about to verbaly abuse the nice American on reception for making me wait another 5 minutes, when a voice from behind states "Is that a Scottish voice I hear"
It was BV's one and only Douglas Adamson!
So we had a chat for a bit and I slagged him off about the best unmentioned incident when the BV crew shat it when requested to sing "wannabe" at a pre-match party :-) While he told me about how the Claymores back office were doing everything wrong and how he would get 20000 fans to turn up. He sounded real good and I for one believe him :o)
So moving on, my wife and I checked in and headed to the hotel bar. After stopping to change into Claymores jerseys of course. Well, have you ever been to a bar when Everybody wanted to talk to you and buy you beer? I lost count of the number of fat Americans who had a grandad in the old country!
When we eventually got to the stadium the sight was awesome. What a car park! It was about the size of Glasgow! There was not a pre-match party in the Claymores sense but there was a lot of barbecues going on and we stopped at a number and scrounged beer. :-)
As we approached the stadium however, this very nice man with a TV camera, with NBC on the side, asked me what I was doing at the game.(I was wearing a kilt, Claymores top and war paint whilst slugging from a bottle of bud) I told him that I had come to see if any of the players might be good enough to play for the Claymores this season. He thought I was kidding. Ha.
So I went into the stadium and up the escalator (yes really) to the gods. I was miles away from the pitch! So I watched the game on the huge screen beside me, whilst listening to my wife asking "is now a good time to go to the toilet" Ah. Memories of Murrayfield.
At the end of the game in which some Americans beat another bunch (I couldn't care, I was more interested in shouting boom, boom, boom to the amusement of my neighbours) I returned to the sanctity of my hotel bar and following a nice sleep, flew home with a couple of programs and dreams of the fun bunch!
So this year, if you see a sad looking guy in a Claymores top, who's wife is giving him a row for showing her up, thats me. come over and say hello. I'll either buy you a beer from the beer tent (If they've got rid of that carlsberg swill) or give you a bottle from the cool bag and Douglas, I'll make sure I've a coke for you.
Justin Whiteoak, poggs@netcomuk.co.uk
I was reading Levi Ramsey's article about the NFL Europe Challenge and my question is why would the NFL ever consider it? There is not a single team in the NFL that would come over and play a World League team in June. Training camp for NFL players does not start until mid-July, so they would have to start much earlier to be prepared to play the first of June. In addition, Dan Marino, John Elway and other stars barely play in the pre-season games in August against other NFL teams, so why would they play at all against a World League All-Star team in June. An NFL coach would not risk any players in this such a game.
The idea is good, but very impossible. Perhaps combining two World League teams against two other World League teams would be better.
I really enjoyed the World League and I loved traveling Europe. Murrayfield was the nicest stadium we played in on the road. Additionally, Mark Riederer does a great job as the Claymores' Equipment Manager. Thanks for listening.
Gus Granneman,gus@jetsfan.com