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The great Escape
Or a Blunt Views editor on a Spring (league) Holiday.

Following in the Tradition from last year Doug Adamson took up the mantel of Editor on Location when he headed south to Birmingham to see London. Here is his report....

Originally I was supposed to be traveling there and back via the Train. Then due to a number of factors it ended up I took a car lift down and a bus trip back. This of course meant I wouldn't have to sit next to complete strangers who were nutters on day release on public transport - rather I got to sit next to people I know to be nutters.

Everything on the travel plan had been worked out to a tee. Then out of the blue Doolittle who I was supposed to be staying with arrived at my door in Edinburgh at 7:15am on Wednesday. Since he had driven 300 miles 'because he was bored' I convinced him to hang round till Saturday and we could just both drive down together. Thus saving me from the nightmare of train delays. This of course required that I would need transport back... no problem said I.. this means I get to travel back on the Cambridge Bar Bus , which as we were bound to win would be one 6 hour party !

So arrangements were made and then re-arranged. Saturday rolled round and off we went in the car. The Journey didn't have anything eventful happen that I could make a really good joke about, however there was the bit we got lost in Birmingham - Where Doolittle lives sort of. Thankfully we did have 3hours worth of Bill Hicks (RIP) comedy to keep us going - that and pitiful renditions of "Hey Hey it's the Monarchs". If you don't believe they were pitiful well you missed the home opener backfield party.

Saturday came and went and it was about 10am on Sunday morning that I realised it had been a good idea to travel down the day before. In doing so I could wake up at 10am after a semi long lie-in and then head to the game with 3 Football Virgins. I didn't bother to explain the rules to them on the way as 2 of them had played Madden on the Playstation and well the other would just be there to keep Doolittle behaving. Well she is his girlfriend.

After about 1hours drive (and many comedy stories about stupid things I've done) we arrived at a very well how can I put it.. Bizarre Power Party.

There were huge tents up. Obviously for the fans to play touch football Arena style. 2 mini stages - one of which had a very nice Irish Girl Band jumping and singing... stupidly I didn't pay too much attention as I was busy searching for my gang so I could make sure I get the bus home. The other mini stage was tied into some sports company who I couldn't tell you anything about other than they were giving stuff away or something. The beer tent was quite funny as it was just a bloke with a small bar lifted out of the back of his still open Mini-van. I couldn't be certain but the whole beer tent looked as if it had just been driven over from France. There were the usual bits and bobs of bucking broncos etc. However not much space if any at all to allow folks to play footy.

But that didn't matter at all. For soon we found the real Claymores fans... The Quest to find them at started with the spotting of the Cheddar Heads. Following that it was the sighting of Captain Claymore... (which I'm beginning to think should be pronounced... Captain CLAAAAYYYYMMMMOOOORRRREEE in the style of Captain Caveman) that led me to the West Coast Offense - who had with them Kelly (Bundy) who we'd been promised was going to streak in a the 2 minute warning in the 4th quarter. From these sources I was informed that the Edinburgh Mob were sitting in a... well you guess. Yup a pub. Only no-one could give good directions. That is until our first highlight...

What Assistant GMs is really good for
Or Doug shows once more that he has no protocol skills
I spied Claymores GM in waiting Wil Wilson. Thinking on my feet I assumed he'd traveled down with the Edinburgh bunch and knew where this pub was. It was only as I got to 2 feet away did I notice who Wil was talking to. None other than Martin (STV - Touchdown Scotland) Gissler ! So obviously I shouldn't have asked such a stupid question and left them to it. But hey I pay Wil's wages indirectly so why not ! After Wil had managed to send me on my way to the pub following what was probably the question he'd least expected me to ask. I gathered my little flock of football Virgins and set out for the promised land....
The Tennis Court
And lo and behold there in a biggish pub were the Mob. The Fun Bunch, The Edinburgh Mob, the two front office dogsbodys and Joachim. The only man I know who actually is a Claymores Fan from Germany. He lives in Germany... and still comes to ALL the Claymores games. Then there were the usual collection of traditional Claymores chants, cheers and songs from the league (Rhein Fire I think and "If you'll be my girl" along with Flower of Scotland). At that point no-one had asked me to sing "Hey Hey It's the Monarchs" but we planned it for some point in the game.

During the time in the Tennis Court various groups went up to the Power Party expecting greet things. Well we didn't stay long. Based on what I saw... Well The Claymores Backfield Party is 100 times better (Mexican music band aside).

The noise before the game
Eventually we all decided to head on up to the Stadium. My were there a load of blue shirts. Then I realised some of them were old Monarchs shirts. We queued up and walked out onto.. a very small stadium which was open. No stand facing us We had been given a block for Away fans... about 200 odd seats. When we arrived (my group) the block was fairly empty and relatively quiet. That didn't last long.

If there was one block which was full of fans it was ours. I don't remember a single seat being empty. I also don't remember anything that was on the PA system for the Claymores fans - we are armed with hooters and dangerous to all ear drums.

The seats weren't good at all - far too close to the ground. But we made the best of them by all being in party mood. Which is more than can be said for the Monarchs Fans. We were singing, dancing, jumping, waving and a bunch of other things. The PA system for the Monarchs wasn't too bad - you could actually hear it. That is until we started....

Which brings me to only criticism I have of the Claymores Fans. During the National Anthem for the Monarchs which was 'Land of Hope and Glory' (someone pointed out that summed up the Monarchs - hope they could win, have some old Glory - Personally I much preferred it to God save the Queen which is not a song I can sing along to.) a number of the Claymores fans wouldn't shut up. Now sure we were away from home, but we were visitors and it was very disrespectful of us to make any noise to interrupt the song. We wouldn't like it done during Flower of Scotland - so we shouldn't do it to others.

However we did sing Flower of Scotland ourselves. And the English did stay quiet. For that I do have to express my thanks.

Then the game began... We were on offense... and the Monarchs... well ...

One man on a PA does not a crowd make
To say the Monarchs fans were pathetic would suggest that they made any noise. Constantly the bloke on the PA system would ask the crowd to cheer and chant etc. Only the crowd didn't make any noise. I can't tell you how stupid the whole thing was. The PA would go "Come on, D-FENSE" and then expect the crowd to react... they did by silence. That is apart from the Claymores Fans... we reacted we made noise... laughing.
200 screaming Scots CAN drown out a PA system
The difference between the Claymores being on Defense was night and day. You just couldn't hear ANYTHING when we were on defense. The PA system was drowned out, the Officials Calls were drowned out, heck even we drowned ourselves out !
NFL - ER
Well we all know about the actual game. More injuries than you can shake a stick at. But hey with 2 minutes to go we could have still won. Meanwhile the 3 newbies I'd brought along were loving the whole atmosphere AND the game - as long as you were with the Claymores fans.
The BV song book
Well as promised we managed to get about 20-30 people to sing the "Monarchs Theme" from Blunt Views ! That was possibly the highlight of the whole game.

Hooters
There was one other great highlight of the weekend. The trip to Hooters... a small misunderstanding about purchasing noise making devices aside. We only managed to stay for about 1hr. But there was much singing and joking. Of course the staff were very pleasant. Not only that but out of the Blue the STV gang, Keith Webster and Claymores own Steve Livingstone arrived - and bought us all a round to console ourselves after the defeat.
Bus drive home
Eventually we managed to round up everyone and headed home on the bus. There wasn't much joy on that journey. We'd lost and it hurts. Sure some of the Fun Bunch managed to attempt to sing - without music. But for the most part we just tried to sleep. If only we'd won, that trip back would have been so much better. As it is it was only the fans that made the weekend fun.

So the moral is... if you are going to an away game go with Claymores Fans, and if you are going to lose. Find a Hooters.

One last thing. Sure we lost the game on the field... but on the terraces... we won sound wise and you if can say anything different... well we can't hear you because we made too much noise.

Douglas T. Adamson

Blunt Views is Copyright 1998 of Douglas T. Adamson , Alan Gibson and Levi Ramsey.
With the exception of 'Yes General Manager' which is Copyright Douglas T. Adamson.
If you have any comments about this web site please e-mail the editors at bluntviews@planetenz.com