Dr Les - The Mind Of A Muppet

Surgery Notes - 25th January 2008

Sir,

Sir What a great world we live in. Isn't the air fresh? Why am I so happy? I will tell you why:
The Peoples' Club

What a fantastic semi-final against perennial losers Everton. Who will ever forget the sight of SWP rising above Lescott to power in the winner in stoppage time at the Bridge? How I cried with laughter listening to Moyes bleating that SWP had held his man down. Our achievement was even sweeter when you think about the obstacles that were thrown in our path - having to play away in the 2nd leg, dodgy ref (sending off John Obi, but not evil Phil Neville or Lee Carsley), injuries, African Cup of Nations etc etc. Join with me in a chorus of "Let's go fucking mental, Let's go fucking mental, lah lah lah lah, lah lah lah lah."
The wheels are off (1)

The Carling Cup is not just about Chelsea though, oh no. Spare a thought for poor old Arsenal, their team devastated by injuries and African Cup, but brave old Arsene stuck to his plan of fielding a bunch of bench-warmers and makeweights. His stroke of managerial brilliance was to send Adebayor on with a message for Bendtner: "I'm only on cos you're such a muppet" and reinforce his point with the nut. Unfortunately Arsene didn't see the incident so was unable to comment.
The wheels are off (2)

It seems that Arsenal are not the only club in turmoil. Liverpool are having a horrible time of it too. A Titus Bramble special, 4 straight draws, comedy American chairmen, Milan in the Champs league, slaughtered at The Bridge in the Carling. But the real coup was the admission that they were seriously considering bringing in Jurgen Klinsman ! Say what you like about Scousers, but never accuse them of not having a sense of humour.
Setting the Record Straight

You probably will have read Priesty's account of the qtr final against the scousers, but I would like to take the opportunity to tell you what really happened. First Priesty turned up at Fulham Broadway at 2.30pm insisting that I accompany him on a trip down memory lane. This started in the Wheatsheaf, but only after Priesty had made me share a pure skunk buffalo soldier moment. For your information Priesty no longer drinks beer as it "a wankers drink". No, it's Red Bull and hard liquor for him.

We left the pub at about 7pm and slowly made our way to the ground – slowly because Priesty wanted to have another smoke. When we arrived at the Bridge we were confronted with a line of snarling coppers. Unfortunately in an effort to get out of his way I managed to barge into an Inspector who gave me the hard stare but luckily there were plenty of people who were more fucked than me, so on we went.

As Priesty rightly says we got our tickets from the free market and found ourselves 3rd row West Stand on the halfway line - the benches. Great seats, in with the old-skool nutters (zigger zagger), and the kids who always appreciate Priesty's encouraging screams of "stab him".

The match was superb, and made even better when Sheva publicly apologised to Priesty - a great sporting moment. I would urge any reader to go to a match with Priesty, but make sure a) you have enough weapons-grade skunk, b) a case of Red Bull and a bottle of Stoli, and c) a strong stomach.
The Emirates

In my trip back to the UK I was also fortunate enough to attend the Arsenal match with my old chum Dogman. Unfortunately we were seated amongst the arsenal season ticket holders, and let me tell you there is no love in those people. There is no singing, no banter; just hatchet-faced cunts sucking lemons and applauding the useless has-been that is William Gallas. However I made the best of it as Dogman, like Priesty, is a savage who needs no encouragement to party.
Can we play you every week?

Match of the season so far? Tottenham at the Bridge, no question. You cannot buy entertainment like that. Its always nice to see Poyet's continuing descent from the high table. His post-match interview showed that he has lost what little he ever had, describing it as "a game of few chances and a lot of positives for Spurs". He should be arrested for slander. Fuck off, Poyet ! First Leeds, now this? How low can you go?
The Daily Mail

Not only do they have that useless bigot Graham Poll writing for them, but their readers show they know fuck nothing about football. You want an example ? They are running a readers' poll "who will win the Carling Cup?" – the result? 58% think it will be Spurs !! Cunts that they are. And they never publish any of my considered views on their comments page.
Reasons to be cheerful X 10

The quadruple

100% record since boxing day

Phil Neville's cancelled trip to Wembley

Avram Grant – walks on water

Anelka, welcome. Berbatov, loser.

Kevin Keegan? How long before he's reaching for the Xanax?

24th Feb

SWP – a man reborn

Arsenal on the ropes

Claude Makalele. Walks on water

You see my point ?
Les.

Yes, Les, apart from the scandalous slander referring to my use of Class C (soon, alas, to be Class B again) drugs. My readers will know well that I never touch drugs as they are neither funny nor clever. Well, only a bit.
Priesty.

**Surgery Notes - 25th January 2008**
Sir, Sir What a great world we live in. Isn't the air fresh? Why am I so happy? I will tell you why: The Peoples' Club What a fantastic semi-final against perennial losers Everton. Who will ever forget the sight of SWP rising above Lescott to power in the winner in stoppage time at the Bridge? How I cried with laughter listening to Moyes bleating that SWP had held his man down. Our achievement was even sweeter when you think about the obstacles that were thrown in our path - having to play away in the 2nd leg, dodgy ref (sending off John Obi, but not evil Phil Neville or Lee Carsley), injuries, African Cup of Nations etc etc. Join with me in a chorus of "Let's go fucking mental, Let's go fucking mental, lah lah lah lah, lah lah lah lah." The wheels are off (1) The Carling Cup is not just about Chelsea though, oh no. Spare a thought for poor old Arsenal, their team devastated by injuries and African Cup, but brave old Arsene stuck to his plan of fielding a bunch of bench-warmers and makeweights. His stroke of managerial brilliance was to send Adebayor on with a message for Bendtner: "I'm only on cos you're such a muppet" and reinforce his point with the nut. Unfortunately Arsene didn't see the incident so was unable to comment. The wheels are off (2) It seems that Arsenal are not the only club in turmoil. Liverpool are having a horrible time of it too. A Titus Bramble special, 4 straight draws, comedy American chairmen, Milan in the Champs league, slaughtered at The Bridge in the Carling. But the real coup was the admission that they were seriously considering bringing in Jurgen Klinsman ! Say what you like about Scousers, but never accuse them of not having a sense of humour. Setting the Record Straight You probably will have read Priesty's account of the qtr final against the scousers, but I would like to take the opportunity to tell you what really happened. First Priesty turned up at Fulham Broadway at 2.30pm insisting that I accompany him on a trip down memory lane. This started in the Wheatsheaf, but only after Priesty had made me share a pure skunk buffalo soldier moment. For your information Priesty no longer drinks beer as it "a wankers drink". No, it's Red Bull and hard liquor for him. We left the pub at about 7pm and slowly made our way to the ground – slowly because Priesty wanted to have another smoke. When we arrived at the Bridge we were confronted with a line of snarling coppers. Unfortunately in an effort to get out of his way I managed to barge into an Inspector who gave me the hard stare but luckily there were plenty of people who were more fucked than me, so on we went. As Priesty rightly says we got our tickets from the free market and found ourselves 3rd row West Stand on the halfway line - the benches. Great seats, in with the old-skool nutters (zigger zagger), and the kids who always appreciate Priesty's encouraging screams of "stab him". The match was superb, and made even better when Sheva publicly apologised to Priesty - a great sporting moment. I would urge any reader to go to a match with Priesty, but make sure a) you have enough weapons-grade skunk, b) a case of Red Bull and a bottle of Stoli, and c) a strong stomach. The Emirates In my trip back to the UK I was also fortunate enough to attend the Arsenal match with my old chum Dogman. Unfortunately we were seated amongst the arsenal season ticket holders, and let me tell you there is no love in those people. There is no singing, no banter; just hatchet-faced cunts sucking lemons and applauding the useless has-been that is William Gallas. However I made the best of it as Dogman, like Priesty, is a savage who needs no encouragement to party. Can we play you every week? Match of the season so far? Tottenham at the Bridge, no question. You cannot buy entertainment like that. Its always nice to see Poyet's continuing descent from the high table. His post-match interview showed that he has lost what little he ever had, describing it as "a game of few chances and a lot of positives for Spurs". He should be arrested for slander. Fuck off, Poyet ! First Leeds, now this? How low can you go? The Daily Mail Not only do they have that useless bigot Graham Poll writing for them, but their readers show they know fuck nothing about football. You want an example ? They are running a readers' poll "who will win the Carling Cup?" – the result? 58% think it will be Spurs !! Cunts that they are. And they never publish any of my considered views on their comments page. Reasons to be cheerful X 10 The quadruple 100% record since boxing day Phil Neville's cancelled trip to Wembley Avram Grant – walks on water Anelka, welcome. Berbatov, loser. Kevin Keegan? How long before he's reaching for the Xanax? 24th Feb SWP – a man reborn Arsenal on the ropes Claude Makalele. Walks on water You see my point ? Les. Yes, Les, apart from the scandalous slander referring to my use of Class C (soon, alas, to be Class B again) drugs. My readers will know well that I never touch drugs as they are neither funny nor clever. Well, only a bit. Priesty.

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