Madonna- And Her Little Friend -- by Scott "Vampire Town" Lorenz

Diva pop star shares the tragic misshap and re-birth of her tragic career. How she built her self-confidence back up to perform and actually be around other people again. Below is an excerpt of an article written by Vogues' Tigh Cheez. Unfortunately never produced in the states for fear that it might be another turn off in the career of this pop star.

Tigh: So what made you come back to pop music after such an extended period?

Madonna: Well I must confess at first I was a little embarrassed that my looks had deteriorated over the years, but I thought I could still pull it off. But when I realized that every where I go people would just stare at my teeth I figured I better do something drastic. So I just stopped taking showers and didn't comb my hair in the hopes that they wouldn't look at my teeth.

Tigh: Does that embarrass you that people main focus is on your teeth?

Madonna: Yes very much so. More now than when I was younger. I always kinda liked it because I would always have friends wherever I went! The Little boys would always invite me over for paper football and soccer and all I had to do was stand there. I was quite the thing back in my time. And the girls would always make up plays and they even let me be the main characters. We would always do famous plays too like The Ugly Duckling, or the Hunch Back of Notre Dame

Tigh: Well I was trying to get at does the gap in your teeth bother you that much, or take the attraction of you're "feminine figure" to that black hole.

Madonna: Oh no it's not really a Horses Smile I have a Gigantic mutant mosquito stuck in my teeth.

Tigh: (choke* cough *) Excuse me?

Madonna: Oh yes you see my (late) boyfriend talked me into a motor cycle stunt during the shooting of my video "Material Girl." But when time came to shoot it I didn't want anything to disturb my Hair (which I still haven't combed since that final shoot.) so I didn't wear a helmet and as I was going up I'll be D*amn#d if this huge @$$ misquote didn't fly out of no where and lodge himself right between shining shanks!

Tigh: Didn't you try to get it removed?

Madonna: yes but by that time I had became losing favor with the Environmentalist and since the little bugger had already laid a nest I was forced to lose my only fans or let it lie.

Tigh: clearing throat well that's very… um nice of you. Well that's all the further I feel like going for today

This is Tigh Cheese signing off.