Welcome Creatures!!

It's been a while, but i'm back in the Mortuary, here to play, and here to stay. I've been away for a while, and had no idea how popular this site had become, so i'd just like to take this opportunity to thank all of you for digging the Undertaker (no pun intended) enough to check this place out. I'd like to begin commentary with a question, kind of off the subject, but i was just wondering, are there any other wrestler besides the Taker who don't wear khaki shorts, penny loafers, and a polo shirt when they're not wrestling???

And now to usher in the business at hand, i thought the WWF had pulled out all the stops to get ratings, i thought they had already done the worst they could do and had come to the zenith of controversial. I mean when Kane tossed the Taker into that coffin of maggots and bones, i thought, or indeed-hoped, that they couldn't get crazier than that. I couldn't be further from the truth. Not long after, we had the thrill of watching Kane catch fire in the Inferno Match, and we have all waited so long for UT to kick Bearers ass that somehow, seeing PB's head shoved through a bass drum (although exiting) was simply not enough. Now we've reached the "it" of the soap opera theme. I'd like to create for you a not so pleasant mental pic. It goes along the lines of a King and a giant fungus having an intimate conversation in a locker room broadcast "by accident". Three things that don't go together, Paul Bearer, a kitchen floor, and the teddied mother of Taker lying spread eagle across it. If you suddenly feel the need to worship the porcelain god at the thought i understand, you are not alone. So it has been revealed that Mr. Blubber is Kane's father. One other question. Is the Taker's mother seven feet tall? I mean, i know it's possible to get the tall gene from the mothers side of the family, which is where it'd have to come from because i don't think there's any way in hell that Paul Bearer can produce something that looks like Kane. He'd make something that looks more like one of those giant toads that appears to have been stepped on. This angle is no more believable than my spontaneously giving birth to a litter of hyper-intelligent kittens.

Even months after i wrote the first commentary, the plots are getting worse. Why is the Taker still getting all the weird stuff? I mean it used to be that the Man could pull being weird off all on his own, he didn't need the extra help. We all knew McMahon was disrespecting him behind closed doors, now he just comes out into the ring and does it. With Mankind back in the stable, PB seems to be building his little family right back up to where it had been when he'd first turned his back against the Taker. I don't know if any of you have ever seen Texas Chainsaw Massacre-The Next Generation, but for some reason whenever those three show up together, i am reminded of that movie. As far as i'm concerned, one of the greatest moments in wrestling history was when right after Undertaker had just broken into Paul Bearers house and beat the crap out of him, Kane was back at the arena flipping out, and he put that mechanical voicebox to his throat and said, "aaaaaaaaaaaaaa." Classic.

So here's what it boils down to. So they are saying that Taker has changed his attitude. He's beating on the Fatman every chance he gets, that he's become more vile, and evil, and even, to quote Jim Ross, "Satanic in nature." To this i say, IT'S ABOUT FRIGGIN TIME!!!! How many years have we waited for something like that?! At least three? But for all the talk the commentators do, i don't see the pure evil they're referring to. I see a little of it, but he's still showing compassion for Kane! I want to see him become as evil as they say he is now. I want to see him take his name back, and it seems that the only way to do that, is to become the most merciless and ruthless individual the WWF has ever seen, and i know he can pull that off. We got a taste of it when he threw Mankind off that Hell in Cell. A true moment of glory took place when he stood atop that thing and the crowd chanted his name-he looked out at all fans like he was the king of the universe. That's what i like to see. I say go with the evil! I'm not buying this crap with Steve Austin getting attacked by 10 guys and no one can take him down, but one punch from Kane and UT is laid out on the mat in 2 seconds flat... No way. He needs to either put Kane down or side with him, then he can reclaim his name. When he dumped the long black jacket, gray gloves, and big hat, some mystic part of him was taken away forever. Now he's got this new quasi-Pinhead thing going on, and i'm down with that. But now it's time to get an attitude to go with the look. I mean what was Pinhead...he was a cenobite from Hell. And so the Taker shall be. It's time for him to unleash chaos at its best. It's time for punishment, and McMahon should be the first in chains. They can build Steve Austin as much as they want to-i'll never be swayed. McMahon can have all the silicone breasted-bleach blonde extention wearing women he wants (i say viva la Jaqueline). He can have all the witty degenerate's crediting each win they score to the symbol of an X around their jocks. He can have all the ex-porno personalities, freakshow dropouts, and indeed, foul-mouthed beer chugging anti-heroes he wants to put in his Federation.... BUT MESS WITH THE TAKER, AND HE'S MESSING WITH DEATH ITSELF!!! Until next time, Creatures, this Lady says...