Ned Flanders

"Stop it! Breathe through your damn mouth!"

"Okilly-dokilly!"

Flanders: "Oh we're done for! We're done for! We're done diddly done for! We're done diddly doodly done diddly doodly done diddly doodly done diddly doodly"
Homer: "Flanders! Snap out of it"

"Well howdoly doodly doo. Hello. Yello. Hellodoly odoly."

Flanders: "you ugly hate filled man."
Moe: "Hey hey. I may be ugly, and hate filled, but I ..um... what was the third thing you said?"

Flanders: "Homer, you are the worst human being I have ever met"
Homer: "Hey I got off pretty easy."

"I wanna yell out but I just can't dang diddily dang diddily dang diddly darn do it"

"Absitively posolutely"

"Well, as the tree said to the lumberjack, I'm stumped"

Flanders song

Barney

"Woh someone smells stinky. Oh, it's me."

Moe: "Barney don't steal any beer while I'm gone"
Barney: "What kind of pathetic drunk do you take me for. Ooh, somebody spilt beer in this ash tray!"

Groundskeeper Willie

Doontoon

"Get your Haggis"

"Grease me up"

"Ya silk wearing buttercup"

"If elected mayor, my first act will be to kill the whole lot o' ya."

Skinner: "Well go ahead, water it down some more."
Willie: "My god mun. I've watered it down as far as she'll go. I cannot water no more."

Ralph Wiggum

"I ate all my caps"

"Me fail English? That's unpossible."

"Ow! My face is on fire!"

"Will you cook my dinner for me? My parents aren't around and I'm not allowed to turn on the stove"

Ralph: "My parents won't let me use scissors"
class: (laughter)
Miss Hoover: "The children are right to laugh at you Ralph. These things couldn't cut butter."

Ralph: "and when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life."
Miss Hoover: "thankyou Ralph. Very graphic."

Ralph: "Uh Miss Hoover"
Miss Hoover: "Yes Ralph. What is it."
Ralph: "My worm went in my mouth and then I ate it. Can I have a new one?"
Miss Hoover: "No Ralph. There aren't anymore"

Chief Wiggum

"No, you got the wrong number. This is 91--2."

Marge: "Hello?"
Wiggum: "Yeah, Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news. Your husband was found DOA."
Marge: "Oh, my God, he's dead?"
Wiggum: "Oh, wait, I mean DWI. I always get those two mixed up."
Woman: "My name is Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband was DWI."
Wiggum: "Why don't you talk to that officer over there. I'm going out to lunch."

Homer: "You know, one day, honest citizens are gonna stand up to you crooked cops"
Wiggum: "They are. Oh no. Have they set a date?"

"Oh, isn't that cute, a baby driving a car. And look, there's a dog driving a bus."

Homer

"Look that dog has a puffy tail!"

"Hello dean, you're a stupid head"
Dean: "Is that you Homer?"

Homer: "I'm Mr. Burns. blah blah blah. Do this! Do That! blah blah blah. I think I'm so big. blah blah blah."
Mr. Burns: "Destroy him."

Homer: "We're here. We're queer. We don't want any more bears."
Crowd: "We're here. We're queer. We don't want any more bears."

"Kiss my curvy butt goodbye"

"They're dogs and they're playing poker!"

"In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women."

"All right, brain, you don't like me and I don't like you but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer."

Homer sings Joker

"Mmmm sacrilicious"

"I am invincible! Invincible! OWW"

"You don't know what it is like. I'm the one out there everyday putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order. You're out of order. The whole freakin system is out of order. You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth. Cause when you stick your hands in a pile of goo -- that was your best friend's face, you don't know what to do. Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown"

Lisa: "Remember, 'tis better to remain silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
Homer's brain: "What does that mean? Better say something or they'll think you're stupid."
Homer: "Takes one to know one."
Homer's Brain: "Swish."

"Nacho, nacho man. I want to be a nacho man."

"You suck-diddily-uck, Flanders."

"Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Fourteen percent of all people know that."

Agent: "Now, when I say 'Hello, Mr. Thompson' and press down on your foot, you smile and nod."
Homer: "No problem."
Agent: "Hello, Mr. Thompson."
Homer: "I think he's talking to you".

"Hi, everyone. If I could just say a few words, I'd be a better public speaker."

"Yummy, yummy, yummy, I got love in my tummy, and I feel like lovin' you."

"Oh, Margie, you came and you found me a turkey on my vacation away from workie."

Man: "Homer, this is never easy to say, but I'm going to have to saw your arms off."
Homer: "They'll grow back, won't they..."

"I know you can read my thoughts, boy - meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow"

Evil Homer

Mr. Plow

Blimpy Boy

"Doughnuts, is their anything they can't do"

"Mmm...I can feel three kinds of softness"

Young Homer: "Come on Marge it's fun to smash things ... hehehe I smashed it good ... hehehe. You got real purty hair"

Troy McLure: Here's an appealing fellow - in fact they're appealing him off the sidewalk"
Homer: "It's funny 'cause I don't know him"

Demonstrator: "Now I'm going to burn this doughnut to show you how many calories it has."
Homer: "NOOO!!!"
Demonstrator: "the bright blue flame indicates this was a particularly sweet doughnut"
Homer: "ohohohohoh. This is not happening. This is not happening"

Homer: "The mob is working on getting your saxophone back, but we've also expanded into other important areas - literacy programs, preserving our beloved covered bridges, world domination .."
Lisa: "World domination?"
Homer: "Oh, wait, that might be a typo."
Homer's brain: "Mental note: the girl knows too much."

"Stupid TV! Be more funny!"

"Maybe, it's the beer talking, Marge but you got a butt that won't quit...."

Under the sea

Bart: "You're it!"
Girl: "Electricity"
Bart: "nut, no electricity. Electricity only in freeze tag."
Girl: "Okay. Now you're it"
Homer: "No tag backs"
Bart: "yeah ya cheater"
Girl: "you lie like a fly with a booger in its eye"
Homer: "Hehehe. The fly was good but the booger was the icing on the cake. Hehehe"

Homer: "Remember when I got caught for stealing all those watches from Sears."
Marge: "Mmm"
Homer: "Well that's nothing because YOU have a gambling problem. And remember when I let that escaped lunatic in the house because he was dressed like Santa Claus".
Marge: "Mmm"
Homer: "Well YOU have a gambling problem."

"You tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try."

"Ohh there's only one beer left and it's Barts."

I am the Champion

Homer + Rapmaster: "Move along there"
Boy: "Ah, it's Hammer"
Homer: "return to your homes and places of businesses."

Lisa: "Then what should I do?"
Homer: "Just squeeze your rage into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time. Like that day I hit the referee with a whisky bottle. Remember that?"
Lisa: "yeah"
Homer: "when Daddy hit the referee?"
Lisa: "yeah"

Homer: "Conscience! Lisa don't let that pushy little weeny tell you what to do."
Homers' conscience: "Homey, that's a terrible thing to say."
Homer: "Oh shutup!"
Homer's conscience: "Yes sir"

Homer: "Hello. My name is Mr Burns. I believe you have a letter for me."
Post Office worker: "Okay Mr Burns. What is your first name?"
Homer: "I don't know."

Marge: "Well Homer, maybe you can take some consolation in the fact that something you created is making so many people happy."
Homer: "Oo look at me. I'm making people happy. I'm the magical man from Happyland in a gumdrop house on lollypop lane."

Homer: "it's 5 years later and I still think I'm a chicken. I'm a chicken Marge, I'm a chicken!"
Marge: "I know I know."

"We're gonna lose our house and end up living under a bridge like common trolls"

Homer: "No, Marge, Maggie was very young, it's not like we got so attached to her. No. Marge, isn't life funny, one day they're babies, the next thing you know they're off on their own. Oh."

Homer: "I hope I haven't upset you bongohead"(Homer beats on Burns' head)
Burns: "I should be resisting this but I'm paralysed with rage, and island rythms."

"Lisa, never ever stop in the middle of a hoe-down."

"I managed to solve a little problem today and to celebrate I'm going to tilt my chair. Mmm slanty"

Homer: "Will you knock it off, I can't hear myself think"
Homer's brain: "I want some peanuts"
Homer: "That's better"

Patty: "Now say 'I am Homer Simpson the lowly dog', in a dog's voice"
Homer: "Ri am Romer Rimpson"
Patty: "oo good. Jump Homer, jump."
Homer: "roo"
Marge: "What's going on in here?"
Homer: "????"

Flinstones song

"To start, press any key. Where's the any key?"

Grampa Simpson

"Oh everything's stolen nowdays. Why the fax machine is nothing but a waffle iron with a phone attached"

"Let's sacrifice him to our god!"

"I'm an old man. I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh it's on now!"

Mr. Burns

Elvis impersonation

"Excellent"

Burns: "Now, to the plant! We'll take the Spruce Moose."
Smithers: "But, sir."
Burns: "I said: hop in."

"Ooh the Germans are mad at me..."

"Hot dog!"

"As punishment for your desertion, it's company policy to give you the plague."

Burns: "Oh of course. There'll be plenty of apples for you. Nobody will take away your precious apples."
Homer: "But the noter was asking you to..."
Burns: "No no no. Tell my secretary you can have a free apple. She'll make everything all right. I promise."

Smithers

Burns: "Hello, Smithers, you're quite good at turning me on."
Smithers: "Um, you probably should ignore that."

Burns: "Smithers, Take off my belt."
Smithers: "with pleasure sir"

Burns: "I love you Smithers."
Smithers: "The feeling is more than mutual sir."

Burns: "Dog's are idiots. Think about it Smithers. If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?"
Smithers: "Er, if you did it sir?"

Milhouse

"I'm freaking out"

Milhouse laugh

Bee guy

"Aye! No es bueno"

Nelson

"haha"

"hey look! seargent dork! haha"

Snake

Snake: "er wallet inspector"
Fool: "oh, here you go. I believe that's all in order"
Snake: "ohoh. I can't believe that worked"

"Oh no, Beta"

Mayor Quimby

"ich bin ein Springfielder"

Moe

"Listen to me, you! When I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and shove 'em down your pants so you can watch me kick the crap out of you. OK? Then I'm going to use your tongue to paint my boat."

Bart: "Hey, Moe, look over there."
Moe: "What, what am I lookin' at. I don't see nothin'. I'm gonna stop lookin' soon. What? What, is that it?"
Homer: "Hey, Moe, can I look too?"
Moe: "Sure, but it'll cost ya'."
Homer: "My wallet's in the car."
Moe: "He is so stupid. And now back to the wall"

Moe's Tavern. Hold on I'll check. Hey, everybody, I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.

Moe: "Sure, Homer, I can loan you all the money you need; however, since you have no collateral, I'm going to have to break your legs in advance."
Homer: "Gosh, Moe, I use these all the time. Couldn't you just bash my head in?"
Moe: "Hey, are you a loan shark? Do you understand how finance works? Now let's do this thing."

Moe takes a lie detector test.

Dr. Nick Riviera

Dr Nick: "Hi everybody!"
Bart & Homer: "Hi Dr Nick!"

"These gloves came free with my toilet brush"

"The knee bones connected to the something, the something's connected to the red thing, the red thing's connected to my wristwatch. Oh oh."

Miscellaneous

Lanky Guy: "Do you find something comical about my appearance when I'm driving my automobile?"

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