(The scene opens withthe sun shining bright in the sky. And what better place to be than the beach. The camera pans the shoreline as we see a good amount of people on the beach. The camera...whoa. Yeah that's right cameraman, go back and get a good look at that beatiful honey making her way out of the water. GOD DAMN! The sun is glistening off of her wet body, tightly packed in that green bikini. She walks up the beach until she's standing over a guy laying out in the sun with a sun reflector over his head. The water from her body drips down onto the guy's legs when suddenly he sits up and takes the sun reflector off from his face. HOLY SHIT...it's Jack Daniels! Daniels wokring on his tan...but wait, who's that chick standing...wait that's gotta be Clarissa!> Let's listen in to what they are saying...)
Jack Daniels: What are ya doin' babe? You're blockin' my sun.
Clarissa: You're sun? Since when did it become yours?
Jack Daniels: Well ya know what this drunken bastard means. It's not my sun. But ya see, Jack Daniels and the sun...ya couldn't tell the difference between the two.
Clarissa: Wait a second. I should have known better when I saw that cameraman here. You're about to cut a promo, aren't you?
Jack Daniels: Haha...you're catchin' on babe. I knew I liked ya for some reason.
Clarissa: Yeah well...I'm going for another dip then.
Jack Daniels: Wait, don't ya wanna hear my verbal tirade? *Clarissa turns and introduces her beautiful ass in that thing to the camera, as she makes her way to the water* That's alright babe...ya'll catch it on Hype TV.
(Daniels reaches over and grabs a pair of sunglass and slips them on. He then reaches over and grabs his bottle of Old No.7 and takes a swig. Hell, it wouldn't be a Jack Daniels promo without one. Anyway, let's listen in to Daniel's verbal wisdom...)
Jack Daniels: Now most of ya probably lost this drunken bastard already. But that's quite alright cuz ya see, there's only a few people who really need to open their ears and listen up. And one of 'em is this drunken bastard's opponent this week...little Johnnie Storm. Ya know, it's quite unfortunate for ya Storm. It's quite unfotunate that ya lost that three way for the TV Title last week. But ya see, it's even more unfortuante for ya that ya have to go One on One with the Drunk One on Sunday night. Why? Do ya really need to ask why? Well then, let this drunken bastard serve ya up a round of Jack Daniels and all your questions will be answered. And if they're not, then may God help ya cuz that only means that you're in for more of an ass whoopen than ya could ever imagine.
Look up there Johnnie *Daniels points up tot he sky*. Look at the sun here in Venice Beach. Ya know, Jack Daniels is like the sun in more ways than ya could ever imagine Johnnie. Ya see, just like the sun, Jack Daniels is a star...no a huge star...hell, the biggest star in the BSPW. And just like a star, Jack Daniels shines bright...so bright in fact it's blindin'. Even when the storm (pun intended) comes through...at the end the sun is what's left....shinin' like only Jack Daniels can. Whether it be Venice Beach...Jones Beach in Long Island......*talking to himself* Indiana has no beaches, it always snows up in the northeast, and Texas...Cancun, yeah that's close enough... *talking back to the camera...Cancun, the sun in shinin'. Ya see, whether Jack Daniels is out east in New York...or in the EWA, the NEWF, the NPWA...or even right here in the BSPW...Jack Daniels is the one shinin' bright. Jack Daniels is the one standin' atop everyone else, lookin' down and makin' sure everythin' stays in check. And now we have a Storm tryin' to break through and ruin things for Jack Daniels. Daniels laughs* I don't fukin' think so Johnnie. Ya see, the world revolves 'round sun. The BSPW...fuck that...the entire rasslin' industry revolves 'round Jack Daniels. Ya might call it an ego on my part Johnnie...or maybe even a case of over self confidence. But this drunken bastard's size 13 foot print on the ass of hundreds of so called rasslers...over 160 career wins...23 title reigns...proves it to be not just some babblin' on Jack Daniel's part, but in fact legit proof that Jack Daniels is...
And proof that in fact...
(Daniels takes another swig from his bottle of Old No.7 and looks into the camera...)
Jack Daniels: What...ya thought thought this drunken bastard was done with ya Johnnie? Not by a fuckin' longshot bitch. Ya see Johnnie, ya need to realize that this here is my territory and Jack Daniels ain't 'bout to have any trespassers tryin' to steal his spotlight. The bars surroundin' the Cocunut Cove...the beautiful sunny bunnies...the drunk, crazed fans...this is home for Jack Daniels. You're in my backyard bitch. Ya see, this ain't like anywhere else ya been Johnnie and that's comin' for a drunken bastard that has been in every fed all 'round the country. So let Jack Daniels tell ya just how it's different out here from everywhere lese ya may have been. First and foremost, and this will most likely kill any possible chance of ya actually gettin' somewhere in the BSPW...unlike in New York and Indiana, ya won't get yourself anywhere by wrappin' your lips 'round any execs' dicks. Hell, the only place it will get ya is to the nearest hospital cuz ya would get knocked the fuck out if the thought even crossed your mind. Out here...there ain't no rules Johnnie. Ya can do whatever the fuck ya want, whenever the fuck ya want. Now I know you're used to livin' under a Nazi regime bein' in New York for so damn long...but no, not here son.
Ya know, overall Johnnie...now that Jack Daniels has taken in the big picture, I realize one thing. I realize that Venice Beach...the BSPW just ain't the place for ya. Ya don't fit it's style and in fact, do the BSPW more harm than good. Here, let me prove my point here. *Daniels gets up and grabs his bottle of Old No.7 and walks over to a bunch of people playing beach volleyball* Hey...yeah ya, let this drunken bastard ask ya something. *A guy comes over to Daniels with a joint in his hand* Let me ask ya somethin'. Ya have heard of the BSPW.
Stoner: Hell yeah maaaan...who hasn't?
Jack Daniels: So this drunken bastard takes it that ya dig the BSPW...right?
Stoner: Oh hell yeah maaaan. I mean it's the shit. Ya got these hardcore motherfuckers tearing shiiiiit up, fans going ballistic, and some of the fucking hotteset chicks this baked bastard has ever seen.
Jack Daniels: Baked bastard huh? *Daniels chcuckles* Gee, I wonder where this drunken bastard has heard that 'fore. Anyway, let me ask ya...if ya could sum it all up in one word...what one word would ya use to describe the BSPW?
Stoner: SHU-WWEEEEEEEEEEET!
Jack Daniels: Ok, now doin' this one word thing 'gain...what one word would ya use to describe Johnnie Storm with?
Stoner: Who?
Jack Daniels: Exactly.
Stoner: Huh?
Jack Daniels: Exaclty...who? *The stoner just look at Daniels as if he had two heads* Nevermind, ya proved my point stoner dude. Ya see Storm...it ain't just Daniels askin' the question "Who?" But what this drunken bastard thinks ya should ask yourself is "Why?" Why would ya wanna do this to yourself? Why would ya wanna come to a place where ya don't fit...where ya don't fuckin' belong, only to have everyone laughin' at ya while your humiliated ass packs your bags and heads back to New York to assume your position...bent over a certain fed head's desk. Still not convinced Johnnie? Well I'll make ya a deal then. If you're still not convinced, then come on down to the squared circle over in the Cocunut Cove Arena. Now Jack Daniels is 99.9999% sure that the ass whoopen he's gonna hand ya will be convincin' 'nuff to reconsider and head on out of Venice Beach 'fore ya make an even bigger ass of yourself...as if ya haven't already. But just in case that .0001% proves Jack Daniels wrong, then stick 'round all ya want Johnnie. It doesn't really make an ounce of difference anyhow seein' as how the only impact ya'll make is helpin' the ring crew set up and the ring and clean up after the show. Sunday night Johnnie...don't say I told ya so Johnnie, but Sunday night, when ya step in my drunken ring...it will be a night that ya will never...eeever forget for the rest of your pathetic, meaningless career.
Till then...MOTHERFUCKER!
*Daniels takes a swig from his bottle of Old No.7 and walks over onto the volleyball court interrupting the game* Alright, this drunken bastard is in. Who's serve is it...
(Daniels joins the fun of a beach volleyball game as the scene fades to black...)