(The scene opens to Arizona, more specifically the Grand Canyon. It’s is a clear, beautiful day as the sun rays are beating down on the earth. The camera pans one of the wonders of the world. Then suddenly, it comes across yet another wonder of the world…Jack Daniels. Daniels is sitting up against a large rock. He is surrounded by quite a number of bottles of Old No.7, both empty and full. He picks one up in front of him and takes a swig and then wipes his mouth. Daniels is wearing a pair of black Adidas pants with gold stripes along the sides, a yellow T-shirt, a black bandana with gold trimming and a pair of sunglasses. Daniels looks into the camera and begins spekaing…)

Jack Daniels: Well…well…oh fuckin’ well, what do we have here? Hell, if ya ask this drunken bastard, it looks like the Grand Fuckin’ Canyon. Now this drunken bastard knows exactly what all ya drunkaholics out there are thinkin’, just what in the hell is Jack Daniels doin’ here at the Grand Canyon. Now if ya were a drunkaholic, ya would know exactly why. But for all the rest of jackasses that have been livin’ under a rock these past few weeks, or to those who are just plain ol’ loony in the head…Jack Daniels has himself a match, right here. Not there(points) or there…but right the fuck here. Yeah that’s right, Jack Daniels ain’t on some cruise liner in the Bermuda Triangle havin’ fun in the sun and catchin’ the sites like all those other motherfuckers in the CWA. It seems as if that dirty dickhead Simurdass and good ol’ greyhound Chang take a likin’ to The Drunk One cuz they obviously forgot to book this drunken bastard on that cruise ship with the rest of ‘em. Hell, instead they stuck this drunken bastard out here in the middle of fuckin’ nowhere with some loony sunuva bitch that THINKS he deserves the Nevada Arizona State Title.

Ya see, back a few weeks ago, Crippler was luckier than a high school kid on prom night when he was on the good of a screwjob and a half. Crip, hasn’t it sunk in yet? Haven’t ya gotten the simple fact that ya don’t deserve to be the Nevada State Champ through your loony skull? What’s it gonna take? What’s it gonna fuckin’ take for ya to realize what everyone and their mother already know…that ya ain’t NUTTIN’? Hell, now one would think that after this past week, the light bulbs would go off over your head and ya would realize just what kind of deep shit ya have stepped into…somethin’ that Mr. Clean couldn’t get out on his best day. But this drunken bastard is damn sure that your head was a little preoccupied with little stars and birds chirpin’ circlin’ ‘round your loony head. Did ya forgot what Jack Daniels did to ya just this past week? Now that’s quite alright Crippler cuz this drunken bastard realizes that ya woke up the next mornin’ with a fuckin’ hangover and blacked out that entire night. Ya see, ya just couldn’t wait for Jack Daniels. Ya needed him right there and then…and ya bit off more than ya could chew. Ya took on more than ya could handle cuz one round of Jack Daniels knocked ya the fuck out…literally. And ya still wanna come back for more? Ya know, right ‘bout now, this drunken bastard would accuse ya of breakin’ into my things and stealin’ my Ol’ No.7 cuz their ain’t no one in their right minds that would come back for more after an ass whoopen of those proportions. But ya see, the key word there is right mind cuz there ain’t no liquor…no drugs…no fuckin’ explanation in this world why someone would consider takin’ such actions which ya are ‘bout to take. Do ya have any idea what-so-fuckin’-ever who you’re messin’ with here? Shit, what the hell is this drunken bastard talkin’ ‘bout? A legend…an icon…a drunken hero like Jack Daniels is recognized worldwide by anyone and everyone. But then again, that loony bastard wouldn’t know the difference between his loony ass and a hole in the ground. Ya see loonman, what it all boils down to is that you’re a nobody…a nuttin…a FUCKIN’ PEON! No one gives two shits ‘bout ya and quite frankly no one ever will. It’s as simple as that and until ya realize those simple facts that a three month old fetus could, ya will always be in the shadows of Jack Daniels.

(Daniels takes another one of his trademark swigs from his bottle of liquor and then he continues speaking…)

Loonman, do ya know what ya got yourself into now? Not only are ya puttin’ your underachievin’, pathetic career on the line here, but you’re puttin’ you’re worthless, meaningless life on the line as well. Ya see, this past Sunday, Jack Daniels realized that ya were still all drugged up and dazed from the beatin’ with the metal pole and that powerbomb through the table. So this drunken bastard took it easy on your loony ass. Hell, I’ll be the first to admit that this drunken bastard made a damn mistake by not puttin’ ya away once and for all right then and there. But ya know what, Jack Daniels never makes the same mistake twice. This time ‘round, this drunken bastard is gonna make damn sure that he and the rest of the rasslin’ world sees your ugly mug for the very last fuckin’ time. Ya see loonman, there’s a little somthin’ that ya should know ‘bout Jack Daniels. When The Drunk One says he’s gonna do somethin’, he does it by ANY MEANS NECESSARY! And as ya may or may not have seen, this drunken bastard can also be one helluva crazy bastard. And there’s no doubt in this drunken crazy bastard’s mind that come Sunday night, that side of him will be unleashed in a manner that ya just won’t be able to control no matter what ya fuckin’ do. Face the facts Crippler. Ya can’t win and it’s just eatin’ ya up inside. Ya see, there won’t be anyone there to help ya come Sunday night. No E’nuff, no NQ3…NO ONE! Jack Daniels already proved to ya and all the drunkaholics that ya don’t deserve to be the Nevada State Champ. And not only will this drunken bastard do so again at Point of No Return, but he’s gonna prove that ya ABSOLUTELY SUCK! Oh wait, we already know that. But I guess there ain’t no harm in provin’ once more for good ol’ times sake.

(Daniels takes one more swig emptying that bottle of Old No.7 and finishes it off. He gets up and begins walking around as Daniels continues to speak…)

Now this drunken bastard has been tearin’ good ol’ Crippler a new asshole here and he has yet to explain just what he’s doin’ here at the Grand Canyon. Yeah, this is the site of our match at Point of No Return, but ya see, your drunken hero wanted to show all of ya somethin’ here, includin’ that loony bastard. Ya see, Crip’s life is a little misunderstood to everyone out there. Sure, everyone knows just how loony the motherfucker is, but no one out there knows what he has to go through, not even Crippler himself. So I’ll tell ya what this drunken bastard is gonna do here. He’s gonna let ya all get a sneak preview of just what loony bastard is gonna go through this Sunday night. Somethin’ that no one will never…eeeeeevver forget again for as long as they fuckin’ live.

(Daniels walks towards the camera and takes it right from the cameraman’s possession. He pushes the cameraman away. Not much is seen now due to Daniels fidgeting around. We see that empty bottle of Old No.7 and then a roll of tape. Daniels wraps that empty bottle of Old No.7 with the tape around the camera. Daniels turns the camera around and points it right in his face as he speaks…)

What you’re ‘bout to see is the very last thing that loony bastard is gonna see for the rest of his life. You’re gonna see what Crippler’s last seconds alive are gonna be like. Loonman, Jack Daniels ain’t gonna tell ya that he ain’t to be fucked with, cuz everyone ‘round here already knows just why they shouldn’t. And Jack Daniels ain’t gonna tell ya that he’s the whole drunken show cuz quite frankly, we all know that by now. But Jack Daniels will tell ya this Crippler…Take a look to the sky just ‘fore ya die…

(Daniels turns the camera up to the sky for one last shot and then lets the camera go. Quickly, Daniels seems to get smaller and smaller as the camera falls away from him. After a moment the weight from that bottle and the camera’s momentum cause it to turn and now it’s facing the bottom of the canyon and it’s quickly approaching it. The ground gets closer and closer and then…SMASH! The camera just crashed on the bottom of that canyon and we fade to nothing but static…it’s been nice knowing ya Crippler.)