(The scene opens to a local health spa near the CWA Center. We are in a room that is filled with many whirlpools. The camera focuses in on one specific one and as it does, we can clearly see that Jack Daniels is in the whirlpool. Daniels is leaning up against the edge of it as he reaches behind and picks up his bottle of Old No.7 and takes a swig. Just then, Electra enters the picture wearing a silk black robe. She undoes the strap to the rob and allows it to fall to the ground. Underneath, Electra is wearing a purple type color thong bikini. Damn she looks hot. She slowly enters the whirlpool and sits alongside Daniels. Daniels looks into the camera as he begins speaking…)

Jack Daniels: Well…well…oh f*ckin’ well. Things are just startin’ to heat up ‘round here. Hell, and in here ever since Electra set foot in here. But this drunken bastard has a feelin’ that this Sunday night at the CWA Center, things aren’t only gonna be hot…they’re gonna be on f*ckin’ fire. Now unless all ya bastards out there have been livin’ under a rock these past few weeks, ya should know by now that Jack Daniels and Haywood Jublome…

Electra: Okay.

Jack Daniels: Huh? Oh, hell not right now baby. Maybe once this drunken bastard gets done layin’ down the law here. Now, like I was sayin’, Jack Daniels and Haywood Jublome, well they both don’t like each other very much. And now that m*therf*cker has made it personal. His bitch got all up in this drunken bastard’s business, cost him the title, and now he’s brought Electra into this as well. Yeah that’s right. It’s not just gonna be Jack Daniels and Haywood in that ring Sunday night. But alongside Jack Daniels will be this beautiful, virtuous woman next to me…Electra. And alongside Haywood, will be that skank…that bitch…that f*ckin’ whore…Lisa. But this ain’t gonna be your ordinary tag match. This sunuva bitch is gonna be a tornado rules, falls count anywhere match. All four of us in that squared circle at once. Electra beatin’ the livin’ shit outta that other bitch in one corner, while this drunken bastard lays the boots to Haywood in the other. It ain’t goin’ down any other way.

Ya see Haywood, Jack Daniels is damn glad that Simurda made this mix tag match for this Sunday. Hell, this drunken bastard is so damn happy, you’d think I just won a lifetime supply of Ol’ No.7. Ya see, now not only can Jack Daniels take out Haywood Jublome once and for all, but Jack Daniels can also take out that bitch of yours at the same time. It’s like killin’ two birds with one stone. Two for the price of one. And ya better believe that Jack Daniels is gonna take full advantage of this opportunity and do what he’s been wantin’ to do for months now…MONTHS! Ya see, ever since Jack Daniels beat ya for that heavyweight title in that Mexican cell prison match, he thought ya were done for. But this drunken bastard really underestimated ya. Ever since then, ya have been like a thorn on this drunken bastard’s side. We’d step in the ring and for the most part, ya would get the better of Jack Daniels. But this drunken bastard didn’t go out without a fight…never has…never will. And then, to top it all of, Electra came runnin’ to ya like Jack Daniels would for a bottle of Ol’ No.7. And deep down inside, that really killed this drunken bastard. That ate away at my stomach. But I just ignored it and moved on. And now, finally Jack Daniels has the opportunity to put ya away once and for all. But this time is gonna be different Haywood. Yeah, Jack Daniels may have said this once or twice ‘fore, but ya see, this time it’s different. This time, Jack Daniels is gonna make damn sure of it. He’s gonna make damn sure that not only do ya walk away the loser in this match, but that ya don’t walk away at all. Ya see Haywood…this drunken bastard will hurt himself to hurt ya. This drunken bastard will kill himself to kill ya. Ya see the pattern here Haywood? Jack Daniels will do whatever it f*ckin’ takes to make damn sure that not only do ya lose…not only that ya get hurt…but that ya get hurt to the point where ya’ll ever regret f*ckin’ with The Drunk One.

Now ‘fore Jack Daniels goes on here, let him make somethin’ clear right here…right now. Now this match is gonna be fought under tornado rules, meanin’ all four of us will be goin’ at it all at once. Now Haywood, I’m gonna warn your ass right here right now. Ya too Lisa, so both of ya listen up. Haywood, if that bitch of yours lays a finger on me…breathes on me…or if the thought of attackin’ me even crosses her mind, Jack Daniels won’t hesitate to knock her the f*ck out. So ya better keep that in the back of your mind bitch cuz if the thought of even touchin’ Jack Daniels comes across your pathetic little mind, Jack Daniels is gonna serve ya up a double shot that will leave ya lyin’ in a poll of your own blood and wakin’ up the next mornin’ with a F*ckin’ Hangover. Hell, and that’s all aside from what Electra is gonna do to your skank ass. Why don’t ya tell that bitch just exactly what’s goin’ down this Sunday night.

Electra: Lisa…Lisa…Lisa…when will you learn, bitch? It wasn’t enough that you had to stick your fat ass in Jack’s business and cost him the Heavyweight Title? Now, ya have to get involved here? Well, you asked for it bitch. And Electra is going to give it to you. And the truth is, you won’t be able to handle it Lisa. Oh no. You can’t handle the fact that you’re nothing but some sleazy tramp and that you can never be as much woman as Electra. Why don’t you just ask Haywood there, he’ll tell you. He’ll tell you all about it. But knowing him, he’s probably going to deny it because he his identity to protect. But it’s no surprise why Haywood came running back to you Lisa. He just couldn’t handle me. I was too much damn woman for him and quite frankly, he wasn’t all he was hyped up to be. That’s why he came back to you bitch. He doesn’t feel sorry for you. He has no sympathy for you. He just needs someone to f*ck and feel overpowering and in control for a change. But Haywood, you’ll never have that feeling again, because there’s no question that Jack is going to whip your ass all over the CWA Center like the little bitch that you are. And Lisa, what I did to you last week was just a small sample of what I’m going to do to you this Sunday night. But this time, could you try and KEEP your clothes on. We don’t want to scare everyone out of the building now do we? We don’t want every single one of our viewers changing the channel because your flabby ass is on the screen. If there’s any flesh to show, you just leave that up to me, and just watch the ratings go through the roof honey.

(Electra stand up in the whirlpool so the water level is at about her waist. She leans over and squeezes her breasts together with her elbows as she blows a kiss into the camera. Damn, the camera almost melted she’s so damn hot. Anyway, Daniels is seen in the background taking a swig from his bottle of liquor as Electra sits back down and Daniels begins speaking…)

Now if this drunken bastard recalls correctly, the winner of this match gets to choose the stipulation for our match at High Stakes. Well ya see Haywood, it just doesn’t matter what stipulation Jack Daniels picks cuz the fact of the matter is that ya won’t make it to High Stakes. But this drunken bastard ain’t that stupid. So just in case, by some f*ckin’ miracle, ya survive this Sunday night and actually make it to High Stakes, I’ll throw a stipulation at ya. Ya know, I’ve thought ‘bout this long and hard. I wanted to pick the perfect stipulation. I want to see ya suffer. I want ya to go through hell. I want ya to feel what pain is all about and worst of all, I want ya to admit that it hurts…that ya suck…that Jack Daniels is too much for me to handle. So what better match to have than…than…an I Quit Match. That’s right Haywood, an I Quit Match. For the first time in your pathetic life, not only are ya gonna go through hell and back…not only are ya gonna receive an ass whoopen of a f*ckin’ lifetime…but you’re gonna admit to me and the entire world that Jack Daniels is simply better than ya. After this drunken bastard gets done handin’ ya your ass in a f*ckin’ paper bag, you’re gonna say…no f*ck that..you’re gonna yell those three little itty bitty words. No not "I Quit"….but "I F*CKIN’ QUIT". And this drunken bastard knows that the last thing ya wanna do in life is admit to the world that ya quit against The Drunk One. Well, you’re gonna have to learn to live with it cuz this Sunday night, after Jack Daniels gets done beatin’ your ass from pillar to post…from the lobby to the f*ckin’ roof of the arena…and after Electra gets done slappin’ the cellulite outta Lisa, ya are gonna have to play by this drunken bastard’s rules. Got a problem with that? Then f*ckin’ do somethin’ ‘bout it bitch. Otherwise, keep your damn mouth shut and ya’ll realize that…

Till then…M*THERF*CKERS!

(Daniels takes another swig from his bottle of Old No.7 as the scene fades to black…)