(The scene opens and we find ourselves in the sreets of New York City. By the position of the sun, we can see that it is still morning. Normally, this side of town is heavily populated with homeless people up and down the streets. But today, they are gone. Instead, they are all lined up down the street in front of the...church? What, did one of their fellow bums die or something? Why don't we get in a little closer and find out what's going on here. The cameraman makes his way over and passes by all the homeless people, waiting in line to get in church. I never knew bums went to church on Thanksgiving morning. If that's the case, Sean Boden should be at the head of the line giving thanks that he gets to hold on to his title for one more week.The line enters into the church and leads down the stairs and into the lobby of the church. As soon as we enter the lobby, we see loads of homelss people sitting down and eating. Wait a second, the church is feeding the homeless Thanksgiving dinner. The camera pans the room and catches the heart felt feelings here. Wait a second...nah it couldn't be...could it? Yes it is...it's Jack Daniels! Jack Daniels is here...no not eating his Thanksgiving dinner, but instead helping the church serve the homeless people their Thanksgiving dinner. We see Daniels behind a steam table with a ladle in his hand, pouring gravy on the bums' plate. The camera gets in close and we see the person next to Daniels scooping mash potatoes and putting them in the bums' plate before Daniels piles on the gravy. He leans over to Daniels and speaks...)
Person: Hey, let me ask you...what's someone like you doing here?
Jack Daniels: What do ya mean by someone like ya?
Person: I mean, you obviously have better things to do than pour gravy on some bum's plate. Unless that is you have no family or something.
Jack Daniels: Oh no...I got family. I got plenty of people to spend Thanksgivin' day with.
Person: Got a mother?
Jack Daniels: Uhh..no not really.
Person: Oh. Gonna spend it with your father then huh?
Jack Daniels: Nope. My old folks have been outta the picture ever since I was a youngin'.
Person: Oh. Any brothers or sisters?
Jack Daniels: Yeah I probably got some of those. The old folks used to fuck like rabbits but like I said, they have been outta the picture a long...loooong time ago.
Person: Gotcha. Well are you married or have any kids?
Jack Daniels: Hell no...I ain't that fuckin' stupid...
Person: Hey, don't forget we're in a church. You shouldn't swear.
Jack Daniels: Yeah ya right. Nah, I mean I gots me a woman. But it seems like she's only 'round when she wants to give me my high impact workouts.
Person: So you have no one to spend Thanksgiving Day with?
Jack Daniels: That's where you're wrong. *Daniels reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a bottle of what else, but Old No.7. Daniels opens it and takes himself a swig.* Ahhhh...man's best friend. But ya see, Jack Daniels ain't here to feel better 'bout himself by pourin' some gravy on a bum's plate. I came here lookin' for someone. Figure he'd be here since this is his type of thing.
Person: Who is he?
Jack Daniels: His name is Sean Boden. I got a match 'gainst the sorry sunuva...the sorry bastard next week. Ya see, I was supposed to whoop his ass...damn I forgot, sorry...whoop his butt last night. But he couldn't face the simple fact that Jack Daniels is just better than he is. Sooo, he went runnin' to good ol' Gates, cried and whined, and now got it postponed until next week.
Person: Who's good old Gates?
Jack Daniels: Ah nevermind, what the hell do ya know. I can't sit here and explain every little detail to ya. Anyway, I gotta go get some more gravy. *Daniels picks up the near empty tin with gravy with a pair of towels, so he doesn't burn himself. He walks back into the kitchen area as he begins speaking...* Ya see Boden, this is the perfect place for ya. Ya got all your people out there havin' the time of their lives. Havin' the best meal they've ever had in their life. And in a metaphoric way, the same can be said for ya. Right now, you're feastin' on the success of winnin' the EWA Intercontinental Title. You're enjoyin' prolly the most success ya have ever had in your pathetic career. And there's nuttin' wrong with that cuz it ain't gonna last long for ya, not if Jack Daniels has somethin' to say 'bout it. And the fact of the matter is he does, so just sit back Boden, grab yourself that box of Kleenex and have a camera near by so once this drunken bastard is done verbally rippin' ya apart, ya can do what ya do best and work off of other's promos.
Now all of the three Boden marks out there are 'bout to jump down my throat for that last comment. They think, and some other dilusional jackass think that in fact you're quite original...an innovator in fact. Are ya? Are ya really Boden? Ya might have people fooled into thinkin' that ya are, but ya can't fool Jack Daniels for one single solitary second Mimic...no wait, it's Kid Chaos, or is it Rage. Oh no, those were your other gimmicks. Now ya are your pathetic self...Sean Boden, Mr. no gimmicks needed. After ya bored the people to death by mimickin' your opponents...after ya vented out all your rage...after we all found out just hardcore and chaotic ya can really get...we all found out just how truly pathetic ya can be. Ya knocked on the door to stardom, and for some reason, they let ya in. Ya got a taste of what it's like to have fans actually give two shits 'bout ya...to actually mean somethin' 'round here. So much in fact, that ya made up one third of the Triple Threat. So much in fact, that ya won your first Heavyweight Title out on the east coast. Well congradu-fuckin'-lations Boden. Jack Daniels hopes ya enjoyed it while it lasted, cuz, well I hate to cut ya off durin' happy hour, but it all goes downhill from here Boden. And it all starts next Wednesday night bitch.
(Daniels fills up his tine with gravy and after he's done, he puts his finger in it and tastes it. Daniels facial expression tells us just how bad it is. But Daniels has a plan up his sleeve. He pulls out his trusty bottle of Old No.7 and takes a swig for hismelf and then gives one to the gravy. Daniels uses the ladle to mix it up a bit and this time, the taste test passes Daniel's approval. Daniels continues speaking...)
Jack Daniels: Now I bet Boden himself is thinkin', why in the hell is this drunken bastard wasting his promo time by adding Old No.7 in that gravy...what a wast of fucking time. Well maybe to ya Boden...maybe to ya. But ya don't see the big picture...do ya? Ya see Boden, it's actually quite simple if ya can follow 'long. Ya see this tin of gravy? Think of this gravy as the rasslin' business...the entire rasslin' industry. Now ya see, it's simple...plain...tasteless and it looks like a big pile of shit. Everythin' the rasslin' industry was. Now ya see, Jack Daniels says was cuz all of that changed and all it took was one simple ingridient...Jack Daniels. And just like I put some Jack Daniels in this sunuva bitch and made it the best damn gravy these homeless people ever tasted...we put a dab of Jack Daniels in the rasslin' industry, and now look at the finished product...the best era in rasslin' any and all of these marks have ever fuckin' seen. All it takes is a little Jack Daniels to take somethin' horrible, and make it into something great. Just take all your previous matches in your career Boden. Falt out snorefests. I've never hear so many people snorin' in my drunken life. But now, throw in a tablespoon of Jack Daniels...and it'll be the best damn match of your life. Scratch that...let's rephrase that just a bit. It'll be the most watched...most enjoyed match by the fans that you've ever took part of. For ya...it's just gonna be one huge as whoopen that'll knock some sense back into ya.
Jack Daniels: No problem. *Daniels walks over to the oven and opens it up. He grabs a two rags and pulls out a juicy looking golden brown turkey out of the oven. Daniels spots a nife on the counter and begins to carve the turkey. Daniels takes a taste and again, gets a weird look on his face as if he's just watched a Sean Boden promo or match.* Aw, this is horrible. Just like everythin' Boden does...flat out fuckin' horrible. This stuff has no taste. But this drunken bastard has just the remedy for that. *Daniels pulls out the bottle of Old no.7 and empties it out right onto the turkey. Daniels picks up the baster thing-a-majig and begins basting the turkey with the Old No.7.* Ya get the picture yet Boden? Let Jack Daniels break it down for ya just one more time cuz he knows just how thick your head tends to be. Ya see, just like ya and your promos...this turkey is fuckin' tasteless. It doesn't have that zing to it...that something that makes it unforgettable. Instead, it has everythin' that makes it forgettable and down right horrible. So what do we need? "bout a cup of some Jack Daniels will do the trick. Just keep bastin' the turkey with some Jack Daniels...or in your case Boden, just keep bastin' your promo with Jack Daniels...and low and behold everyone will fuckin' love it. Fromthe front office execs to the marks to the clueless fans. It's a recipe that has proven to be the best.
Now Jack Daniels has analyzed your situation Boden, and by the looks of it, your recipe is gonna require a little more than just a tablespoon or a cup of Jack Daniels. It's gonna require an amount of Jack Daniels that only this drunken bastard can provide. And ya know what the means Boden...the greater the amount, this the greater the ass whoopen. Ya have had your ass handed to ya on muliple ocassions by this drunken bastard, and once not too long ago right here in the EWA. Well son, if ya thought that was bad...if ya thought that was and ass whoopen to have handed to ya...then ya ain't seen nuttin' yet bitch. Cuz ya see, that IC Title is on the line, and it has Jack Daniel's name all over it. Hell, it's had this drunken bastard's name all over it since the EWA reopened. I forfeited that title cuz I had my sights on bigger and better things. Then little Goldie went ahead and beat some Joe Lemon for it. And that's where ya fall into place Boden. But ya see, what's interestin' here is that ya won it but ya didn't win it...just like little Goldie. Ya pinned Storm in a triple threat match and won the title, but never actually beat Goldie. Just like Goldie unofficially beat Jack Daniels for the gold...ya unofficially beat Goldie for it. But Jack Daniels is gonna put an end to all this paper champion crap, cuz come Wednesday, Jack Daniels is gonna take back what's rightfully his. And then and only then Boden, will ya realize just why...JACK DANIELS IS THE DRUNK ONE...
Till then...MOTHERFUCKER!
Voice: *Voice coming from the other room* What did I tell you about cursing in church?
Jack Daniels: *mumbling* Ah fuck ya. *Daniels carves the turkey again and tastes it this time* Now that's what I call turkey...
(Scene fades to black...)