(The scene fades in and we find ourselves at Jack Daniel's headquarters...a bar. Damn, any bar is Daniel's headquarters. And of course, the bar is graced with the presence of none other than Jack Daniels himself. Daniels is sitting at the end of the bar with what elese, but a bottle of Old No.7 in front of him. Daniels turns to spot the camera and begins speaking...)
Jack Daniels: Ya know, there are things in this world ya just don't do. There are hidden rules in this world that everyone abides by. Ya never ask a woman her age or her weight. Ya never throw away any alcohol left in a bottle or can...ya open it, ya drink it. And maybe the most important one of all, ya never...ever challenge call Jack Daniels out, challenge him to a match and piss him off. But I guess that's just somethin' that Hard-On Cash knows nuttin' 'bout. But that's quite alright, cuz ya see, there's a first for everything. There's your first time ya hit a home run. There's your first kiss. And there's your first ass whoopen courtesy of Jack Daniels. Well actually, in CHC's case, this ass whoopen marks number thirty two for him. And ya would think that a clever sunuva bitch like Cash would have learned by now that ya just don't fuck with Jack Daniels. Well, it most definitely sux2bu Cash cuz lesson thirty two is on it's way and it ain't gonna be no long division Cash. As far as your concerned...it's gonna be like nuclear physics bitch.
(Daniels finishes what's left in his bottle of Old No.7, gets up and walks out from the bar and begins walking down the street as he continues speaking...)
Jack Daniels: Ya see Cash, Jack Daniels has the ball in his court and is runnin' with it. Jack Daniels has the power over ya and everyone else and ya just don't know it. This is all a game, and your lookin' at it's maker...the mastermind behind it all. Ya see, Jack Daniels owns your ass Cash. Whether ya like to admit it or not, I OWN your ass Cash. From the ol' days back in the NYSWhogivesaFlyingfuck to right the fuck now Cash, you're in my pocket. Hell, I won't even go back into detail 'bout those ol' days cuz I'm sure they bring back painful memories for your sorry ass. So let's just rewind and go back a few weeks ago. A few weeks ago when Jack Daniels dropped the bomb on your ass and showed the world just what a helpless little jackass ya are. Ya were nuttin wihtout Jack Daniels...and as a matter of fact, ya still are nuttin'. Ya won the EWA Title outta pure luck and nuttin' else. But Jack Daniels proved just how much of a fluke that was when ya couldn't even defend the title once... not ONE FUCKIN' TIME! Just think 'bout it Cash, your dreams...your fate finally came true when ya captured that title. And then ya went and shitted all over 'em when ya disgraced a piece of history in the EWA title the way ya did. How does it feel to be the one to take credit for disgracin'...for takin' out all of the respect and all the value away from somethin' so coveted, it's legacy shrank down to nuttin'? How does it feel Cash? Feels like a two ton truck just landed sqaure on your head...doesn't it? It feels like some two dollar crack whore just bit your miniscule dick while tryin' to pleasure ya...doesn't it? It feels like bein' handed an ass whoopen and a half from Jack Daniels...ya damn right it does motherfucker.
Is this what ya wanna be remembered for Cash? For defacin' the EWA World Title? Was that your precious little wet dream ya had Cash? But then what happened? Ya woke up in a cold sweat and realized that Jack Daniels dumped your sorry ass like yesterday's garbage. Ya realized that ya had absolutley nuttin' left...not title and no drunken bastard by your side to get ya through and to the top of the EWA ladder. No bitch, you're not gonna do it courtesy of Jack Daniels. Ya gotta do that all by your lonesome self bitch. What's the matter Cash? Feelin' a bit lonely. Fellin' as if no one loves cares 'bout ya anymore? Well ya hit the nail right on the head bitch cuz Jack Daniels couldn't give two shits 'bout ya, and neither could anyone else for that matter.
Ya know, Jack Daniels did enjoy one thing though Cash. There was this one split fuckin' second when Jack Daniels looked in your eyes and that feelin' of fulfillment, that feelin' of success came across Jack Daniels. That was when just this past week, Jack Daniels stodd across from ya and looked ya in your beady little eyes and told ya straight outta this drunken mouth, that it was me who has been makin' your life a livin' hell. It was me who damn near ended your carreer and your pathetic life. But ya just didn't understand, did ya Cash? Ya just couldn't see it from Jack Daniel's point of view. Ya didn't agree with my motives Cash. And cuz of that, now ya got a dance with the devil himself. But what ya fail to realize Cash, is that it worked. My plan has worked and ya don't even know it bein' the stupid sunuva bitch that ya are. Just look at ya Cash. The past week or so, ya have been livid. Ya have been gettin' attacked left and right, keepin' ya employed here in the EWA and mkain' ya a marked man. That fire has been lit under your ass, and by none other than Jack Daniels. I did my job and that was to get ya pissed beyond belief that your emotions just take over, ya just start runnin' wild. Why don't ya stop for just one second Cash and analyze the situation. Ask yourself...what was Jack Daniel's motive for attackin' ya? To get ya pissed...to light that fire under your ass...to bring out those emotions and let the adrenaline pump through your veins, cuz that's when your effective and at your best. Well are ya? Ya damn well better believe ya are but even bein' at your best won't be 'nuff to stop Jack Daniels from shovin' this size thirteen boot up your pathetic ass cuz of your fuckin' stupidity and your runnin' mouth.
Yeah Cash, I lit that fire under your ass like no one has 'fore. But ya know somethin'...Jack Daniels ain't gonna put it out. Oh no, I'm just gonna make it bigger. I'm gonna pour some Jack Daniels all over it and watch the sunuva bitch burn like it's never burned 'fore. And just when that fire is about to get outta control...Jack Daniels is gonna stomp all over it puttin' it out...and puttin' ya out in the process Cash. Hell, it was your fuckin' choice Hard-On. Ya could have taken the easy way outta this situation and see Jack Daniels eye to eye and be the most powerful force on this fuckin' planet. But ya had to prove your manhood...and your stupidity. Your attitude won't let ya see things the way they should be seen. So instead, ya let your ass do the talkin', and now ya have stepped into some shit that Mr. Clean couldn't handle. Ya might be lookin' for some payback...but there ain't nuttin' to pay back cuz ya just can't afford it bitch. No...this time you're gonna be the one payin' in Cold Hard Cash bitch, cuz Jack Daniels is 53 times richer than ya in every which way imaginable. Cash, after your monumental ass whoopen occurs, Jack Daniels doens't want to hear ya the very next minute...the very next day...the very next week or the very next year for that matter, start bitchin' 'bout this and that and balmin' everyone and their mama for what you're gonna get. Ya brought this on your own fuckin' self. Ya asked for this...and Jack Daniels is gonna give it to ya just the way ya like it bitch. Ya know, there's a sayin' Cash, be careful of what ya ask for...cuz ya just might GET IT!
Till then...MOTHERFUCKER!
(And with that, the scene fades...)