(The scene opens and we find ourselves in a rather familiar place...Fenway Park. But it looks different. Rather than seeing it jam packed to capacity, it's completely empty and quiet. The camera pans the legendary ballpark. And as it pans, it spots a figure seated in the stands. The camera stops and makes its way back to get another shot of the person sitting in the stands on the first base side. Wait a second, about ten rows back, that's Jack Daniels. Daniels is leaned back in the seat, decked out in a Yankees cap, with a bottle of Old No.7 in one hand, and a bag of sunflower seeds in the other. Daniels throws a handful of them in his mouth and begins spitting out the shells right on the floor. Daniels takes a swig from his bottle of liquor and begins speaking...)
Jack Daniels: Ah, good ol' Fenway Park. Ya know, it seems as if this here ballpark has been 'round since the beginnin' of time. Everyone has had their turn here in Fenway. Everyone has had their moment of glory here in Fenway. Everyone has had a piece of Fenway in some way. Fenway is like that two dollar whore down the street. Everyone has had their turn on the filthy bitch. And speaking of havin' their turn on filthy bitches, it seems as if Jack Daniel's turn has come 'round. Ya see, this Wednesday night, Jack Daniels gets his chance to whoop Erik Draven's backstabbin' ass all over the arena right across town. Ya see, Draven is like the two dollar whore. Everyone has had him and when they were done, they threw him out and left him on the corner of the street for dead. And now is this drunken bastard's turn to do exactly that. But ya know what Jack Daniels has come to realize Draven? It ain't fuckin' worth it. It ain't worth my time or my trouble to sit here and dispose a filthy piece of goth shit like yourself Draven. What's Jack Daniels gonna get outta this? The EWA World Title? Uh uh...your too pussy to put that on the line and risk your oh so precious record title reign. Cuz ya know for a fuckin' fact that they're ain't no damn way ya could hold onto that gold any longer if ya were to put it on the line 'gainst Jack Daniels.
But we got ourselves a different scenario on our hands Draven. We got a scenario in which ya have absolutely no chance of survivin' in. Let's take a stroll down memory lane bitch. Or is that too fuckin' painful for your Collins kissin' ass. Are the memories of Jack Daniels handin' ya your ass on each and every ocassion that we faced each other too painful for ya to even think 'bout? Actually, the memories are probably non existent to ya, not cuz they didn't happen, but cuz ya were drunk from Jack Daniels and woke up the next morning with a fuckin' hangover the size of the Grand Canyon, not rememberin' a damn thing. But of course, that's not what we're gonna hear from ya Draven cuz the golly green giant is gonna deny everyhting remotely even close to makin' him look bad. But ya see Draven...that's my middle name...makin' pieces of backstabbin' shits like yourslef look bad. And the best part 'bout it is, Jack Daniels can do it any which way ya want it Draven...verbally, physically, humorously...anywhich fuckin' way ya want Draven...just take your pick bitch and Jack Daniels will do what he does best. And that's tear ya a new asshole from every aspect possible.
(Daniels spits out a few more shells from the sunflower seeds and then takes another swig from his bottle of Old No.7 as he continues speaking...)
Jack Daniels: Ya see Draven, not only are ya as old as Fenway Park here. but you're very similar to the team that Fenway hosts here...the Boston Redsox. They have they're moment in the sun, but at the same time, they bring the game...the sport to an all time low. They completely took away the desire to be the top team in the league...to be number one. Now take a look at yourself Draven. Ya have your moment in the sun. Ya disgrace the EWA World Heavyweight Title, especially when ya wrapped your lips 'round Collin's dick. Is it any wonder why ya have kept that title for so fuckin' long Draven? Cuz no one wants absolutely nuttin' to do with it after it's been 'round your filthy fuckin' waist. Ya think Boden just so happened to lose to your pathetic ass twice? Well Boden does suck but there ain't no one on this planet that is bad 'nuff to lose to your undesservin' two times in a fuckin' row. But now Draven, just like the Redsox, your reign at the top is 'bout to come to an abrupt end. And 'fore ya fuckin' know it, you're gonna find yourself on the bottom one more time. But this time, it won't be Collins on top of ya anally rapin' ya. It's gonna be Jack Daniels on top of ya, pinnin' your shoulders to the mat, 1...2...3. And there ain't a damn thing ya can fuckin' do 'bout it Draven.
Ya know, Jack Daniels would be rollin' on the floor now laughin' his drunken ass off, but you're so fuckin' pathetic Draven, it ain't a laughin' matter. Just stop for a second, sit back and think for a bit. I know it's askin' a lot from ya, but you're just gonna have to live with it. Don't ya think that by now, your cheap tactics and promos are gettin' ol' by now? Don't ya think that basically cuttin' the same promos each and every week does 'nuff damage on those people who are actually fuckin' stupid 'nuff to witness 'em? Don't ya think that it's 'bout time ya step up and put on some acts of originality in some of your promos? Don't ya think it's time to set your alarm clock to some other time than 11:59pm? Yeah, ya heard Jack Daniels right bitch. Ya see, all ya know how to do it listen to what is said 'bout your pathetic ass and then turn it and twist it 'round and strike back, ultimately makin' ya look better and gettin' the upper hand. Shit Draven, it's the oldest trick in the book and quite frankly, everyone 'round here is sick and fuckin' tired of it. Ya see Draven, it's the reason why no one in this business has an ounce of repsect for ya. It's the reason why everyone in this business thinks your absolutely nuttin' but a babblin', undesservin', unoriginal sunuva bitch. And it's called deadlinin'...somethin' ya just love to do and gain a cheap win over everyone else. Hell Draven, that's your style...it's your fuckin' gimmick. So there ain't no need to break character 'gainst Jack Daniels. Go 'head and bust out that recycled promo of yours right 'fore the strike of midnight, well after Jack Daniels has verbally ripped ya a new asshole. But this time...not only has JacK Daniels ripped ya a new asshole verbally, but come Wednesday night...Jack Daniels is gonna rip ya a new asshole physically. Look at it this way Draven, now Collins has his choice of which hole to fuck ya in. But either way ya look at it, ya will BE FUCKED!
Till then...COCKSUCKER!
(Daniels spits out a few shells of the sunflower seeds right at the camera and takes a notehr swig as the scene fades to black...)