(The crowd settles down and suddenly the arena dims down. Clouds of smoke begin to engulf the top of the entrance ramp. Some guitar riffs are heard throughout the arena. Suddenly, without warning, and without any annoucement whatsoever, shocking the fans in disbelief, "The Fight Song" by Marilyn Manson begins to balre throughout the arena. This canonly mean one thing...and there he is...in the mist of all the smoke. He emerges forawrd to the heat of the crowd...it's Jack Daniels. Daniels makes his way to the ring as he bad mouths some fans on his way. He gets in the ring and asks for a mic...)

Jack Daniels: CUT THE FUCKIN' MUSIC! Well...well...oh fuckin' well...if it isn't Philadelphia...by god Pennsylvania. Quite honestly, I don't know what a legend like myself is doin' in such a shit hole of a state. *generates major crowd heat* So shut the hell up and listen up, and Jack Daniels ain't just talkin' to these ugly ass fans out here...he's talkin' to everyone else in the back there. Yeahthat's right, Jack Daniels is talkin' to all ya motherfuckers as well. So step outta the shitter, step outta the shower, take your dicks outta Gate's ass and listen the fuck up. Ya know, each and every week since the EWA re-opened it's doors to all of us, there's only been one person out here each and every week kickin' ass and puttin' on the whole entire show for the fans. And quite frankly, Jack Daniels has gotten sick and fuckin' tired of doin' it all by his lonesome self. The Whole Drunken Show has become the Whole EWA and everyone in this arena fuckin' knows it.

Now 'fore all ya marks out there blow your load all ove the place thinkin' this is some sort of retirement speech, it ain't. No, this ain't the I Quit the EWA speech either so ya bastards can just stop cheerin'. So exactly what is this ya say? Well, this is Jack Daniels tellin' all the sorry motherfuckers on the EWA roster to step the fuck up and start pullin' your own weight. Jack Daniels has done it for long 'nuff and he ain't gonna continue doin' it with this salary. And since little cheapskate Duane Gates won't cut me in on any more money, Jack Daniels ain't gonna be the whole fuckin' show 'round here in the EWA while everyone else sits on their lazy asses and do jack shit. I'm not gonna even sit here and name names, cuz quite frankly, ya ain't worth the recognition in one of my promos. But all ya bastards know who ya are, and ya better start pullin' your own fuckin' weight 'fore Jack Daniels comes back there and starts rippin' ya new assholes...as if he already hasn't with this verbal tirade.

So with that said...who's it gonna be? Who's gonna be the first sorry sunuva bitch to step up? Jack Daniels is waitin'. Nah fuck that...Jack Daniels doesn't wait for anybody. Instead, I'm gonna demand the sorry sunuva bitch to step up right now. Jack Daniels is gonna tell ya who has to start pullin' his own weight and it's gonna start right the fuck now. And that's none other than the man who so shamelessly represents the EWA and what it stands for. The man who has already disgraced the EWA and it's fans. The man who IS the EWA World Heavyweight Champion...yeah that's right...RAVEN! Raven, Jack Daniels is callin' your ass out and wants his shot at HIS title...right here...RIGHT THE FUCK NOW! *Daniels waits a moment, but still nothing* C'mon, what's the matter Raven? We all know you're a fuckin' pussy, but c'mon Raven, show that ya at least got some peach fuzz on those balls of yours. C'mon Raven, ya 'fraid of losin' your title to Jack Daniels...aren't ya? *Daniels waits another minute or two and still nothing* What's the matter Raven...is Electra keepin' ya too busy back there? LEt's go Raven, Jack Daniels ain't got all night...but once ya step out here...Jack Daniels is gonna whoop your ass all fuckin' night long...just like your ol' man would. Yeah ya heard me Raven...I'm gonna whoop your ass just like your ol' man used to...

*The fans stand up in unison and look towards the entrance ramp, as "Come Out And Play" by The Offspring hits the speakers. And sure enough, Electra walks out of the entrance way first, followed by Raven, who has the EWA World Heavyweight Title belt strapped around his waist. Raven and Electra make their way towards the ring, as they finally step in after a few moments of staring at Daniels. Raven grabs a second microphone from the time keeper, and glares at Daniels for a second, and then goes over into the corner and just slouches down in his customary postition. Obviouslly, Jack Daniels isn't quite happy with this.*

Raven: Because of the levels of depravity that I've suffered over the course of my life, I could understand why you'd think I'm a pushover Daniels. I can understand why you'd think that you could just walk out here and make demands, as if to suggest that you were indeed in charge of this situation Daniels. But for you to declare yourself the number one contendor to the EWA World Heavyweight Title? For you to come down here and demand to face your own personal demon in The Raven? We've been there Daniels, and we've done that. Over a year ago, and you lost. Then two weeks ago Daniels, we got together again...you lost. In fact Daniels, since you've come back to the EWA, the only thing that you've done well is run your mouth. Because inside this ring, this sanctity that is my home, all you've done is lose. Even last week, you had the opportunity to gain a spot at the Clash of the Champions to face me...and you couldn't even do that. So what does Raven say to your challenge Jack Daniels? Well let me make this as clear to you as I possibly can....GO FUCK YOURSELF! I reject the challenge, because you are no challenge Daniels. I reject what you stand for, I reject what you think you are, and I reject everything that even remotely points towards your existence Daniels. So you take your microphone and your bottle of liquor, and remove yourself from my presense. And when you've gotten the fucking BALLS to come back and face me Daniels, with so much as credential number ONE...then maybe I'll consider your plea, your cry for attention and self pity. Until such time occurs Daniels...consider yourself outcast from my life, my ways, and MY EWA World Heavyweight Title.

*With that, Electra comes over into the corner and kneels down with Raven, putting her head on his chest as they both look up and stare at Daniels, who's pacing like a caged animal at this point*

Jack Daniels: Yeah, real fuckin' courageous of ya Raven. Put a woman in front of ya to protect ya from the ass whoopen that Jack Daniels has amounted for ya. Ya know, this situation reminds me of something...something rather familiar to me...and ya as well Raven. Ya see, just like your ol' man would get liquored up and turn to ya and your mama to smack 'round a bit, Jack Daniels feels like doin' the same. Hell, I'm already liquored up and here we got your sorry ass, just waitin'...just askin' to be whooped all over this fuckin' ring. And once Jack Daniels is finished showin' ya just why I AM the REAL NUMBER ONE CONTENDOR to that title that ya have given bad name to, I just might have 'nuff left in me to smack 'round that little bitch of yours Electra. Hell, it's nuittin' she hasn't felt 'fore, right bitch? And when Jack Daniels is all done takin' care of the both of ya, the question of the century will be asnwered. The question that everyone has been asking will be answered. Both ya pieces of trash will know just WHO YOUR DADDY IS! MUAWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Raven: If I didn't know any better Daniels, I'd say you were trying to get my attention. If I didn't know any better Daniels, I'd say that you wanted me to get up and drill your fucking head right through this canvas...and if I didn't know any better Daniels, I'd say YOU HAVE A MOTHER FUCKING DEATH SENTENCE THAT YOU WANT CARRIED OUT RIGHT NOW!!! *The crowd pops huge for this* But...it won't happen. *Daniels shakes his head and starts to move in, but Raven brings the object in his hand up.* You see this Daniels? I know what this is...this is the engagement ring that you gave to Electra once. This is the very thing that symbolizes just how gullible and simple minded you are. You think I don't know your ghosts Daniels? You think I don't know what you had planned? You wanted your happy little life...a wife, your "drunken kids" and everything that goes with it. But that didn't happen...because I DESTROYED YOUR DREAMS!!! Electra left you because of one person...The Raven! Before you even had a fucking clue Jack, she became my disciple, and mine alone. And when she was done draining you for all you were worth, she left you at my command. The reason you drown your sorrows in your bottle Jack, is because of me. The reason that you cry at night, the reason that you can't put anything in your life together...IT'S BECAUSE OF ME!!! So maybe you need to go try and get your own fucking life together first Daniels, before you ever try and dive into mine. Electra was your strength Jack....I made you, and I will destroy you. *Raven takes the ring and flings it at Daniels, as he catches it*

(Daniels looks at the ring. He holds it up a bit. Damn, look at the size of that rock on the ring. Anyhow, Daniels simply lets it go and lets it fall to the ground as Electra's head follows the ring all the way down until it hits the canvas. Daniels grins at her and then stomps on the ring smashing it and completely destroying it. Daniels looks back up at and begins speaking...)

Jack Daniels: There's your fuckin' weakness Raven. And Electra, after all that we have been through...all the arguments, and break ups and separations and all that bullshit that has gone down...it's all fuckin' history now. Ya blew it...ya fuckin' blew it. That was your absolute last chance at ever becomin' the wife or bein' affiliated with a legend in this business. That was the last fuckin' chance ya ever had at bearin' a legend's kid, who in turn would just grow up like his ol' man and be a legend himself. That was your last chance at ever givin' Jack Daniels a high impact workout. Ya want to affiliate yourself with a piece of fuckin' garbage in Raven? Then be my guest. Ya know, it's funny, cuz all ya are Electra is a gold digger. Ya were 'round Jack Daniels when all the gold was flowin' in. Then ya took off and went for Haywood when he was rakin' in the gold. Now you're fuckin' Raven since he has got one piece of gold. It's obvious what you're after bitch...and that's recognition...fame...and money. Jack Daniels gave ya all of that, but it still wasn't 'nuff for your skanky ass...

CROWD: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

Raven: So Daniels, while my legacy lives on, your's will be empty as soon as that bottle is. *Raven gets nose to nose with a stunned Jack Daniels* Diamonds aren't forever Jack, but I am. *Extending his arms into a crucifix* Quote the Raven...NEVERMORE!!!

*With that, Raven and Electra leave the ring, as Daniels just stands there in total disbelief of what he just heard.*

(Daniels drops his bottle of Old No.7 in disbelief. Suddenly, he shakes his head and snaps out of it as he charges at Raven, who has already exited the ring. Daniels hits the ropes and reaches for Raven, but it's too late. Daniels is irrate in the ring as he picks up his mic...)

Jack Daniels: RAVEN! RAVEN! IF YOU'RE HALF THE MAN YA CLAIM TO BE BY KNOCKIN' THAT BITCH UP...THEN GET THE FUCK BACK HERE AND LET 'S SETTLE IT RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW! *Raven is already at the top of the entrance ramp and behind the curtain he and Electra go* RAVEN! YA SUNUVA BITCH....

(Daniels throws down the mic and leaves the ring as he sprints up the ramp and after Raven...)