(Asleep yet? Yeah, it's no surprise that Hailey and company would knock ya the fuck out when the get on the mic. But business is about to pick up, as some would say. Just when the majority of the crowd is in their deepest sleep here from the incoherent babbling going down in the ring, the Civic Center's PA system sparks to life. "Born Of a Broken Man" begins to blare throughout the arena, and people start to open their eyes and waking up from their comatose state that Hailey put them in. You would think the crowd would go absolutely ballistic from saving them from the torture Hailey was putting them through. But after what went down last night on Slugfest, not a chance in the world. A moment goes by and eventually Jack Daniels appears on the top of the entrance ramp to an even louder greeting of boos. Daniels, with mic on hand begins speaking...)

Jack Daniels: CUT THE FUCKIN' MUSIC! Now Jack Daniels can see your reasonin' for wantin' to come out here and puttin' all these jackasses through the torture that ya are. Jack Daniels would love to do the same to these fuckin' fans himself (crowd heat)...but that's not what Jack Daniels is here for So would ya please do me a favor and SHUT THE FUCK UP! Now Hailey, ya thought ya saw the very last of Jack Daniels, didn't ya? Ya thought that after what went down at FEAR a few weeks ago, that I would just wither away and die. WRONG BITCH! Yeah, Jack Daniels was devastated to lose at his own match and be duped the way he was by ya. I must hand it to ya Hailey, ya outsmarted The Drunk One. But it didn't prove to me that ya have brains. Oh no bitch. It just goes to show ya just how much of a fuckin' pussy ya are Hailey. Ya knew damn well that ya sure as hell couldn't handle a round of Jack Daniels.

But now, Jack Daniels is up and about like his good ol' self. But 'fore I could come out here and lay my claim, I had to make sure of a few things. Ya see, Jack Daniels might have killed some of his brain cells back in his days, but I made sure of a few things here. For starters, the sides here are even. But just in case ya missed Slugfest last night, let me show ya exactly what happened...

(The jumbotron above daniels sparks to life and the following is seen from last night's Slugfest. What the...?? Daniels picks up his little buddy Seven for advice it looks like, as he holds the bottle next to his ear. Daniels puts Seven down, and thank heaven, Daniels has finally come to his senses and sacrifice his body for the already beaten Erik Draven. All three men have forgotten about Daniels, and boy are they in for a surprise here as Daniels approaches the situation. Daniels grabs Michael Draven and spins him around and both men are at a standstill. WTF?!?! DANIELS IS LAYING THE BOOTS TO ERIK DRAVEN! WHY DAMNIT..WHY?! For the love of God, stop this...this can’t be happening. Flying objects begin to hit the ring as the arena quickly fills up with a chorus of BOOS.) (They pick Erik Draven up and hand him to Daniels, who gives him a low blow. Aw come one, that’s enough. Nope, not to Armageddon. LYNCHBURG LOWDOWN BY DANIELS!! Erik Draven is helpless and motionless in the ring. But that’s not going to stop Armageddon. Douglas pulls out a bottle of Old No.7...a full bottle that is...and hands it to Daniels. IS HE? Is Daniels going to fall off the wagon and submit to temptaion? If that’s what you want to see, then that’s exactly what you’re NOT going to get. Michael Draven produces a metal rod tipped with some type of cloth. He...FIRES IT UP! Daniels opens the bottle of Old No.7, and takes a swig as Draven hands him the torch. Daniels stands next to a beaten Erik Draven and holds the flame near his head...)

(FIREBALL! Daniels just spat out the liquor into the flame and lit Erik Draven’s ass up. Draven is rolling around the ring, holding his face in obvious pain from the flame. This is disgusting. All four men...Michael Draven, Bazooka Joe, Evan Douglas and Jack Daniels, stand in the ring as plastic bottles and such debris fly by their heads, with their arms raised high in the air. Picture fades and the camera is back on Daniels.)

Jack Daniels: Ya see, I got three other guys watchin' my back cuz Jack Daniels knows just how much ya depend on your little butt buddies to do your dirty work for ya. One less thing for Jack Daniels to think 'bout. But ya know, when I sat back and really started to think back, it hit me that after my record settin' 63-day title reign. I never...NEVER got a rematch. And I'm thinkin' it's time to cash in on that rematch clause that everyone else seems to cash in on quite frequently. So why don't ya bring your platinum title or your gold title, or whatever fuckin' type of title ya wanna call it, to Shockwave with ya next week, and let's see just how good ya do without your colored water and a hundred of your criminal friends bitch. (The camera cuts to Hailey who seems to be laughing it up)What? What seems to be so funny Hailey? The fact that I'm right? Oh I see how it is? Ya think Jack Daniels is jokin' huh? Well, let's just how funny this is... -----------Commisioner Kanyon's part---------------

Jack Daniels: Now who's laughin' bitch? MUAWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ************************************************************

(The main event has finally come to a close as it defintely pitted itself as one of the worst main events the NEWF has seen in a long time. What do you except when you have Grady Smith in the ring? Anyhow, Grady doesn't even have a second to catch his breath cuz, well I'll be damned. Look at who just hit the ring. It's the foursom of Jack Daniels, Bazooka Joe, Evan Douglas and Michael Draven collectively known as Armageddon. All four men are pounding away on Grady. Daniels picks grady up...STRAIGHT NO CHASER! Draven picks Grady up...DESCENT! Stop the carnage damnit. OH NO...look at what Bazooka Joe has...it's THE GLOVE! GAS MASK WITHTHE GLOVE! Grady is writhing in pain and begins dripping with blood in no time. This is disgusting. Bazooka finally lets the hold go as Daniels retrieves a mic and begins speaking...)

Jack Daniels: Well...well...oh fuckin' well. Ya know, this must be some kind of record. I mean, it has been a whole, what...five minutes? And still no Hailey and Haywood to come out and make the save. Gee, I wonder why? Maybe the amazing jumbotron here can help us.

(The jumbotron sparks to life and we are shown a shot of the back parking lot of the arena. The camera closes in on a dumpster. What the...? We can see some red spots on the dumpster and on the cement right near the dumpster. Wait a second, is that...a LEG?!?! The camera slowly makes a move to the top of the dumpster and gets a view of the inside. HOLY SHIT! It's Hailey and Haywood. both men are bloodied and beaten and have been...THROWN IN THE TRASH! And there's the NEWF Platinum belt covering Hailey up. Who could have...wait a second. I got a prettu good idea who did this...the shot cuts back into the arena as all of Armageddon stands in the ring withgrins across their faces...)

Michael Draven: Look at all of you idiots, whining in the crowd. "Why, Jack, why?" SHUT THE HELL UP! Jack Daniels is a member of Armageddon for one reason, and that reason is because Armageddon is THE SINGLE most dominant force in not only the NEWF, but professional wrestling today. And as for this little attack on The Insomniac's Cure, Grady Smith? Consider this a warning to Dark Force Rising. That's right, DFR, we mean you. Haywood Jabronie? Remember me? I've kicked your ass before, son, and you can bet your ass I'm more than willing to do it again. I haven't forgotten how you walked out on me when you were supposed to be my tag team partner...and your bitch ass is going to pay for that. Grady? Gee, what a surprise, I've whipped your ass before too. Looks like tonight was another chapter in that book, eh? And Marcus? Hold that World Title tightly against your chest when you sleep at night for the next few days, kid, because this man [puts a hand on Jack Daniels' shoulder] is coming for it, and this man will be the NEXT NEWF World Heavyweight Champion.

Bazooka Joe: Now as Evan said DFR has been a thorn in this federation for quiet some time now and the time to end it is upon us. Marcus Hailey thinks that because him and Haywood "Even a 2 dollar whore wouldnt touch me" Jublome and that rediculious yet over redundent jackass Grady Smith run around here making empty threats and making total ass's of themselves, that Armageddon and the rest of the NEWF are gonna run and hide. Well ladies, step up to the plate and try us on for size because we know what we do is entertaining as well as the right thing to do. People are tired of weak lame wrestlers that sit there and try to be technical. The fans of today want much more, they want wrestling and some hardcore moves where a persons head is just short of being ripped from his body. The people want someone thats gonna open people up and make them bleed, so DFR if you think you got what its gonna take, step up and see just how deep my convictions run. Ill make you bleed, I will make you shout out in pain and agony for the simple pleasure of seeing your blood. So step up boys if you really wanna learn what hells like.

'Gods Greatest Creation' Evan Douglas: *Clears his throat* Ladies and Gentleman.. we, in Armageddon, realise that we are not the most loved people here in the NEWF.. we may even be the most hated.. but.. you must know.. that doesnt mean jack to us.. because we know that we are elite.. we know we are everything we say we are.. and what you peons think.. is of no importance to us.. Now.. Dark Force Rising.. not our favourite people at the moment.. especially not Evans favourite people.. you see.. For far to long.. they have had the run of the NEWF.. for far to long they have had a say in what goes on.. Marcus Hailey may very well be the World Champion.. but what Marcus Hailey doesnt know could sink a god damn ship.. Grady Smith.. he may well be the most successful wrestler in the NEWF.. and that is just a shame.. isnt it? Haywood Jublome is in the same catagory as Hailey and Smith.. Jublome.. a man that Evan personally destroyed in this very ring.. None of the above mentioned know what it truly feels like to be at the top of their game.. not like Evan they dont.. they think they do though.. and that.. is just a joke isnt it? Armageddon truly have what it takes to run this federation.. but Dark Force Rising are thorns in our sides.. and come hell or high water.. we will pluck them from our flesh and toss them aside like yesterdays news.. its a simple as that people.. listen to your hero, idol and mentour.. because he sure as hell knows what he is talking about..

Jack Daniels: "Why...Jack Why?" The question everyone and thier fat ass momma is askin'. Ya see, it's time to get serious 'round here. Everyone was startin' to take Jack Daniels as a joke 'round here. What do I have to say 'bout all of this? FUCK THAT! It's time to get fuckin' serious 'round here and do what ever the fuck it is we need to do to make things go our way. So Jack Daniels opened his eyes, threw out that bottle of Ol' No.7, and saw just how serious these three guys were 'bout gettin' to the fuckin' top. So I figured that they could use Jack Daniel's help, seein' how I've been at the top time and time 'gain. Dark Force Risin', ya need to open your eyes and realize that the Armageddon of DFR is upon us. Ya motherfuckers out out like yesterday's garbage, literally. Armageddon is runnin' the show 'round here whether ya fuckin' like it or not. So Grady, let this be a little message to ya and your other Dirty Fuckin' Retards when ya decide to cross over that line that seperates the ya, the past...and Armageddon... the Fuckin' Future. Now ya bastards have two options. Ya can let this little encounter between us be the first and last one. Ya can sit back and let us do our thing and we'll let ya motherfuckers live. Or...or ya can be as stupid as we think ya are and retaliate and that'll put ya bastards on the unemployment line, not to forget in hospital beds. Ya see it's simple, it's my way or the FUCKIN' HIGHWAY! MUAWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!