Part I

(The scene opens to the back of the Springfield Civic Center. And LOOK…it’s Jack Daniels. Daniels entering the arena with the NEWF Heavyweight Title draped over one shoulder, a duffel bag hanging on the other shoulder and a bottle of Old No.7 clutched in his right palm. Daniels is making his way to his locker room when suddenly, Josh Auclair, the NEWF esteemed interviewer, enters the scene and stops Daniels to get a few words…)

Auclair: Jack…JACK. Do you mind telling us what you think of your match tonight.

Jack Daniels: Think? What do ya want Jack Daniels to think? He’s in a match with a tag team partner he never asked for and doesn’t care for. Not only that, but this drunken bastard’s opponents are two sorry motherfuckers, one which is too damn busy to see what is going on cuz his head is stuck up Grady’s ass. And the other is too pre occupied with Marcus’ head stuck up his ass to realize that he isn’t the Heavyweight Champ and never will be.

Auclair: Well how about Bazooka Joe? I mean, can you two co-exist in a match like this after what Bazooka Joe did to you last week and when you two are set to face each other for the Heavyweight Title next week on Shockwave?

Jack Daniels: Jack Daniels and BJ co-existin’ in a match like this? Hell, ya must be some kind of fuckin’ idiot if ya actually think that we can both work as a cohesive tag team. But that ain’t gonna stop Jack Daniels from takin’ care of business in and outta that ring. Marcus has himself a big mouth and it’s time for him to do his only priority…and that’s make superstars like Jack Daniels look good. Grady, this time ‘round, your life is gonna be in fuckin’ danger cuz you’re gonna be on the receivin’ end of an ass whoopen and a half. And as for BJ…this drunken bastard has got a little surprise for him as well. (Daniels reaches into his duffel bag and pulls out a wrapped box. He hands it to Auclair) Here ya bastard, make yourself useful and give this to BJ.

(Auclair takes the package and the scene switches back to the ring…)

Part II

(The scene opens to the locker room area. There is a knock on the door. It swings open and Bazooka Joe is the one standing behind the door. Bazooka Joe is handed a package. Wait, that’s the package that Daniels gave Auclair to give him. Bazooka Joe looks at it funny and begins to open it. Joe opens it and pulls it out…a bottle of Old No.7? Why the hell would Daniels give Bazooka Joe a bottle of Old No.7? Is Daniels just trying to be nice or has he got something else up his sleeve…)

(WHAT THE HELL?! Bazooka Joe just got leveled with a steel chair…but by WHO? The camera had gotten knocked down as well during the attack. But it’s picked back up and pointed in the direction from where the chairshot came from. We see someone decked out in all black turning the corner. WHO WAS THAT? The only person I can think of is the drunken bastard himself. I mean, after the beating Daniels took last week at the hands of Bazooka Joe from that cowardly attack. The fact that these men have to face each other next week for Daniel’s title. The camera gets a shot of Bazooka Joe who is laid out with that bottle of Old No.7 laying on top of him…The scene cuts back to the ring…)

{The main event has just ended. Marcus Hailey and Grady Smith have both gotten the hell out of there cuz they both know that all hell is about to break loose between Jack Daniels and Bazooka Joe. After last week’s happenings, and after what went down earlier tonight…fuel is being added to the fire and it’s just a matter of time before things explode. LOOK…both men are standing in the middle of the ring..nose to nose…staring each other down. Bazooka Joe starts talking some shit to Daniels, and the drunken bastard doesn’t hesitate to retaliate with his own verbal smack. What they are saying…one can only wonder. The fans are on their feet, cuz they just know it’s only a matter of seconds before the fists start flying and all hell breaks loose. They all want a preview of what’s gonna go down next week. But wait…from behind…it’s a bird…it’s a plane…it’s the MASKED MAN in BLACK that leveled Bazooka Joe earlier. The crowd doesn’t know what to make of this guy as he’s standing behind Bazooka Joe, who is clueless as to what is going on. The masked man taps Bazooka Joe on the shoulder. Joe turns around…and just like before…)

(It must be déjà vu cuz the mased man just laid out Bazooka Joe again with a steel chair. But he ain’t quite done yet. The masked man picks Bazooka Joe up and places the chair down on the canvas…DDT ON THE CHAIR! Bazooka Joe is out cold. Wait, Daniels is still in the ring. Daniels and the masked man are staring each other down. What’s going on here? Who is this masked man? They move in until they are nose to nose. Daniels starts barking it up to the masked man, and even if the masked man was as well, we can’t even tell. Daniels winds up ready to unload an ass whoopen on this masked man…WAIT A FUCKING SECOND! THEY’RE EMBRACING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? WHO IS THIS MASKED MAN? Holy shit, it looks as if we’re about to find out right here right now. No, we won’t have to wait for weeks to find out it’s some murderer who just broke out of prison to kiss some ass. He’s undoing the mask. In the meantime, Daniels has taken that bent chair, opened it up...took a seat and opened up a bottle of Old No.7. **SWOOSH* And there’s goes the mask…HOLY SHIT! I DON’T FUCKING BELIEVE IT! LOOK AT WHO IT IS…IT’S… IT’S………………"THE AMERICAN CHAMPION" CHIP MASTERS! JACK DANIELS AND CHIP MASTERS TOGETHER!?! That's a combination made in hell, the crowd is in complete shock here, after that assault from Our American Champion on Bazooka Joe, Good Lord in heaven!! Masters has grabbed a microphone here - what a turn of events this is!!}

'The American Champion' Chip Masters - Every so often in this business - an event occurs which dramatically changes the way, you as fans look at Wrestling, what you have just witnessed is one of those events. You are probably asking yourself, how on earth did your American Champion, Chip Masters, a man that has never touched a pint of Carlsberg in his life, or had a shot of Vodka, get mixed up with a lush? The answer to that question is simple - this guy NEEDS my help! It's not easy being a World Heavyweight champion, that much I am familiar with, after winning the Triple Crown in Japan and winning other state championships, Jack Daniels has had everybody come at him from different angles, heck - even I have been tempted to dethrone Daniels. However - It's easy for me to become just like them, just be normal, but let's face it - Chip Masters is FAR from normal! I have promised Jack Daniels my unmitigated trust, and my counseling, in exchange for him showing me what exactly a RAVE is? *A laugh from the crowd* Pistol Joe - I've warned you countless times not to insinuate a rage within me, because it's almost impossible to control it once it becomes animated. So if anybody wants a shot at Jack Daniels, if anybody has an agenda with Daniels, if anybody wants to so much as attack JD, they'll have to plough through me first, and let's face it, despite one fluke - nobody in the NEWF can claim that! So Curtain Jerker, Granny Smith, Hayi'mlost withoutsmirtdogg or anybody else who wants to step up - just remember - The Whole Drunken Show is no longer - ALONE! *HUGE Crowd pop!* From here on in - there comes a price with every Heavyweight championship shot handed out, it comes with an extra flavor, an extra prop - an extra obstacle, because not only do you get beaten around by this Drunken Bastard, but you also receive, a certified...

...MASTERS DEGREE!!

{Chip then hands the microphone to the current NEWF World Champion, and everybody’s favorite Drunken Hero - Jack Daniels. This gets a rousing crowd pop!}

Jack Daniels: Well…well…oh fuckin’ well. Ya see BJ, it ain’t that Jack Daniels couldn’t take care of your bitch ass all by his drunken self cuz ya better believe he damn well could anytime. But what this drunken bastard is getting’ tired of is every sorry sunuva bitch out their and their momma jumping The Drunk One from behind every second of the day so they can get a shot at my fuckin’ title. Well, not anymore. Now that’s where Chip Masters comes into the picture. And he couldn’t have said it any better. Tonight, is one of those nights when the face of this industry is ‘bout to change. Ya see, you’re not only lookin’ at the two greatest athletes the NEWF has to offer. You’re not only lookin’ at the two greatest champions to exist in the NEWF…The American Champion and not only the Drunken Champion…but your NEWF Heavyweight Champion. But you’re lookin’ at AAA…American Alkaholic Asskickers. Ya see, Masters is American…Jack Daniels is an alkaholic…and hell, we both kick ass in this squared circle.

Ya see, Jack Daniels is sick and fuckin’ tired of people taking this drunken bastard as a joke. Hell, there ain’t nuttin’ wrong with entertainin’ the fans cuz without ‘em, none of us would even be here tonight. So Jack Daniels will continue to do so. But Jack Daniels will also start whoopin’ ass like never ‘fore. If any of ya thought that a round of Jack Daniels ‘fore was strong ‘nuff for ya…shit, ya motherfuckers ain’t seen nuttin’ yet. The Drunk One’s ass whoopens just went from 86 proof to 150 proof. So when ya think about it BJ, it really sucks to be ya cuz next week…next week you’re gonna be the first of many to see just why AAA AIN’T TO BE FUCKED WITH!

(Daniels walks over to the unconscious Bazooka Joe. Daniels stands over him. He takes a swig from his bottle of Old No.7 and then spits some out right into his face…)

Till then…MOTHERFUCKER!