Dream a little Dream TME
Dream a little Dream TME
(The scene opens and we find ourselves at the site of the next installment of NEWF Shockwave, The Centrum in Worcester Massachusetts. We are actually inside the arena, it is rather dim as we can see a ring crew down below setting up the ring and other NEWF employees making sure all the pyros and all that good stuff executes to perfection once Shockwave rolls around. As the camera pans the arena, we see a figure high up in the nose bleed section of the arena. As the camera zooms in, we realize that it’s none other than our NEWF Heavyweight Champion Jack Daniels. Daniels is sitting down, title draped over his one shoulder, and a bottle of Old No.7 clutched in his right palm. Daniels takes a swig and then begins speaking…)
Jack Daniels: The Centrum…Worcester Mass. This is where names have been made. This is where dreams have come true for some. And I bet TME is thinkin’ the same for himself. I bet the sorry sunuva bitch is hopin’…is iwshin’…is sown on his fuckin’ hands and knees prayin’…that his dreams come true here Monday night. He want this drunken bastard’s title more than anythin’ in the world. Then ‘gain, he thinks right all the wrongs here in New England among the people. Ya want to fix things TME…there’s only one way to do that, and that’s get up and take your sorry ass back to Canada. Hell, that would be a dream come true for everyone ‘round here. But Jack Daniels is askin’ ya to stick ‘round for just one more day…until Tuesday mornin’. Cuz this drunken bastard wants to take all your little hopes and dreams, shove in this bottle of Ol’ No.7 and drink ‘em down quicker than a blink of an eye.
Ya see TME, ya go on and on ‘bout how Jack Daniels makes jokes of things and how people laugh with this drunken bastard. Well the jokes over bitch. Jack Daniels is as serious as a heart attack. Yeah that’s right, you’re not gonna see me go to Wonder Bread Headquarters, or an AA meeting, or out in this arena’s lobby and take one of your T-shirts and wipe it all over this drunken ass. Ya see, Jack Daniels feels bad cuz he’s made an ass outta ya more times than ya care to remember. And hell, even though it’s quite fun and never gets borin’, it’s time to hit ya where it hurts most…and that’s your fuckin’ ego. Ya see, ya think that your some sort of higher power in this world that has been sent down by God. Ya walk ‘round, talkin’ like some Shakespeare freak, that bores people half to death. Ya see, you’re tryin’ to be someone you’re not, and ya fuckin’ know it. That’s why people can’t stand ya, cuz no one is buyin’ it. You’re a phony and ya think you’re shit don’t stink. Well, let Jack Daniels tell ya that he had a whiff of it and damn near passed out from it. Ya see, Jack Daniels…this is me. I’m not tryin’ to be someone I’m not. What ya see is what ya get. I drink like a fish in real life, hell I’ll drink in the ring. I curse and talk in an unusual manner in rea life, than I’ll talk the same exact way when cuttin’ a promo. And the sad thing is TME, that you’re actually startin’ to believe all the bullshit that ya spread to the innocent people. And you’re actually startin’ to believe that you’re someone that you’re not. And the worst one of ‘em all, ya actually think that ya stand a fuckin’ chance at takin’ Jack Daniel’s gold away from him.
(Daniels pauses for a moment to take one of his trademark swigs from his bottle of Old No.7 before he continues speaking…)
Jack Daniels: Ya know, over a month ago, right across town…right down the interstate at the Fleet Center, ya had your chance. Ya had your chance at the NEWF title. But ya blew it. Ya had yourself a round of Jack Daniels and thensome, and ya just couldn’t handle it. And now ya think this time is gonna be different. Now ya think that this time ‘round, your time has come…you’re callin’…and it’s fate that gonna give ya the title. And ya know, this drunken bastard actually thought ya had somethin’ up in that thick head of yours. But obviously, ya don’t which only means that your ass is doin’ all of the talkin’. Ya see, it’s what ya got inside of ya. It’s what ya got in here (Daniels pounds on his chest indicating his heart)…And it’s what ya got down here (Daniels grabs his groin area indicating his balls). Now this drunken bastard will give ya some credit when it comes to havin’ the balls, cuz ya deed in fact go an hour with the Drunk One inside the Cell. But when it comes to heart…yours is black. Ya look down on the people that make ya and make this business possible. But yet ya wanna take full advantage of it and rise to the top by beatin’ Jack Daniels for his gold. Hell, one day ya might even do that. Ya might have this title ‘round your waist…but not as long as Jack Daniels is twon…not as long as Jack Daniels is drunk…not as long as Jack Daniels is fuckin’ alive.
But ya realized that. And ya went ‘head and pulled one outta Jack Daniel’s book. Ya go out and cut yourself an interview tryin’ to mimic this drunken bastard cuz ya realized there’s no other way beatin’ him. Ya realized there’s no other way to get under The Drunk One’s skin and get the advantage. Ya realized instead of borin’ the people to death like ya do week in and week out, why not try and amuse ‘em and make ‘em laugh…just like this drunken bastard can do so damn well. So I’ll tell ya what this drunken bastard is gonna do here. He’s gonna pull one outta your book TME…hell, it’s only fair now, isn’t it?
TME, sent downeth from thee One, set forth to obtain the richest prize known to mankind, thee NEWF Heavyweight Title. After cheating himself and thee fans, TME cometh up short after his first round of thee sweetest nectar in the land, Jack Daniels. But TME has risen once again to take his turn at the prize. Thou shall train…thou shall dream…and thou shall pray that the second round of Jack Daniels shall not knocketh him on his ass, just like the first. (JD Old No.7)
Jack Daniels: Ya know TME, ya can watch our PPV match all day long…all fuckin’ week long, and try and figure out where ya went wrong and why ya lost. Hell, you’re not gonna find it there TME, so ya can hit the stop button on your VCR and use some Visine to take care of your bloodshot eyes. Ya see, one cold, lonely night, TME’s old lady and the milkman got together…and nine months later out popped out little TME. Ya can blame the loss on bein’ screwed or whatever the hell ya want to, but the fact of the matter is that ya didn’t have it in ya then…and quite frankly, ya don’t have it in ya now either. When the time comes, ya talk the talk…and this drunken bastard means talk. But when the time comes to walk the walk…hell, yta do one of two things. Ya either cower down, put your head down and walk with your tail between your legs. Or ya just simply run…in the other direction that is.
Ya see, my event is not over TME, it’s far from over…hell it’s just beginnin’ for this drunken bastard. Ya rely on vengeance and vengeance alone in this match? Shit son, ya gonna have to rely on a helluva lot more than just vengeance if ya want to dethrone Jack Daniels. You’re gonna have to take all the pressure that lies on your shoulders and overcome the odds TME. Ya have to out-‘rassle this drunken bastard. Ya have to out-think this drunken bastard. Ya have to out-everythin’ this drunken bastard does…and quite frankly TME, ya just can’t keep up with Jack Daniels. It was evident to everyone at Boston Massacre, and it’s gonna be more than evident come Monday night when Jack Daniels beats your sorry ass from pillar to fuckin’ post. Just like last week with my match with Grady, our match here has the possibility to go either way. Grady was fightin’ for two lives last week. And as for ya, well you’re gonna be fightin’ for your pathetic career. Cuz after Jack Daniels makes an example outta ya for the second time and claims your spot as Jack Daniel’s bitch, your career will be in these drunken hands. And then all this drunken bastard has to do is close that drunken hand and squeeze until your pathetic, preachin’ career crumbles to the ground, and drowns in a pool of Ol’ No.7. And then and only then will ya realize just why…
Just why…
And just why…
Till then…BITCH!
(And with that, Daniels takes a swig from his bottle of Old No.7 as the scene fades to black…)