Daniels vs. TME...Round 2
Daniels vs. TME...Round 2
*Note: This interview was taped following the last installment of Shockwave*
(The scene opens and we find ourselves in the back of the Civic Center. It’s approximately an hour after arguably the most shocking night in NEWF’s short history has just taken place. What lies ahead…only one can wonder, but ya can rest assure that it’s gonna blow the roof of the house wherever it may be. Anyway, the cameraman makes his way through the back, obviously in search for something or someone. Just as the cameraman approaches a door, it swings open. The cameraman inches his way around only to reveal Jack Daniels is the one in that room. Daniels has showered up and changed into his typical getup, as he’s ready to leave the arena with a duffel bag hanging off of one shoulder, and the NEWF Heavyweight Title draped over the other shoulder. Daniels walks out of the room as he begins speaking…)
Jack Daniels: Well…well…oh fuckin’ well. Jack Daniels walked into the Civic Center as the NEWF Heavyweight Champion, and Jack Daniels is walkin’ out the Civic Center as the NEWF Heavyweight Champ. Ya see, for the past two weeks, this drunken bastard sat here and told all the drunkaholics…told the world…but most importantly told Grady Smith just exactly what was gonna happen. Jack Daniels told him that he wouldn’t lose his title…and he didn’t. Now, it was a matter of a half of a fuckin’ second. But does that really matter? No, cuz the bottom line is that Grady couldn’t get the job done…just like the rest of ‘em. But Grady was a little different cuz the bastard had his little fun at the end. After buildin’ the suspense of the hooded mystery figure actually was and addin’ the drama of his wife’s life on the line, Grady played us all like fools and revealed it was nuttin’ more than a little prank just to get himself some more attention. Well that ya did Grady. But ya didn’t do the one thing which ya wanted to do. Ya failed to take this title away from me Grady. Ya said ya would…but ya failed. Just like ya have every other time in your pathetic life. That’s why ya brought in your lackies now. To assist ya along the way now in hopes of ‘nother title shot. Ya see it doesn’t matter Grady…with or without ‘em…you’re still Jack Daniel’s BITCH!
(Daniels stops for a second, reaches into his duffel bag and pulls out a bottle of Old No.7. He opens it up and takes one of his trademark swigs and then continues to speak…)
Speakin’ of bitches, it seems as if there’s ‘nother Jack Daniels mark out there that is just beggin’ to be Jack Daniels newest bitch…and that’s none other than TME. This drunken bastard just doesn’t get it, I mean is this sorry sunuva bitch just lookin’ to have his career ended? TME, are ya lookin’ to have your ass handed to ya on a silver platter? Well ya must be cuz week after week ya have been on the Commish’s ass to give ya a title shot. As if ya even deserve a title shot. Ya pick up a win in a tag match…big whoop. It proves jack shit ‘bout your status as a singles ‘rassler. And not even two hours ago, ya come out on the short end in a match ‘gainst Chip Masters. Now how TME is still considered the #1 contender, hell it beats this drunken bastard. But ya see, bein’ #1 contender or not doesn’t even matter in this case here TME. The fact of the matter is, #1 contender or not, ya don’t fuckin’ deserve to be standin’ in the opposite corner from me and go one on one with The Drunk One. And no it’s not cuz Jack Daniels has already mopped the floor with your sorry ass. And no, it’s not cuz Chip Masters gave ya your first lesson in getting’ your Master’s Degree in Ass Whoopens 101. It’s cuz of the simple fact that ya ABSOLUTELY SUCK!
But seriously TME, Jack Daniels needs to know what exactly your thought process was when ya demanded your title shot from Kanyon? Now this drunken bastard knows for damn sure that there ain’t no way that ya have already forgotten ‘bout the ass whoopen and a half that Jack Daniels handed ya at Boston Massacre ‘bout a month ago. Ya see, cuz that ass whoopen was ‘nuff to last a fuckin’ lifetime. Now the way I see it, one of two things could be the case here. One, ya need some screws knocked back into place after that Iron Man Hell in a Cell match that saw this drunken bastard hand ya a round of Jack Daniels that ya just couldn’t handle. Or two, your over inflated ego of yours that can barely fir through that curtain when your music hits, has ya convinced that ya can actually beat Jack Daniels this time ‘round. Well, if that’s what ya think TME, then ya got ‘nother thing comin’. Do ya realize what Jack Daniels has done to win this title, and what will do to retain it? Hell, Jack Daniels doesn’t have to remind ya exactly what he did to win this title, cuz ya witnessed it first hand. But to retain it? Two lives were at stake. Two lives were restin’ on my shoulders. But did I care? Did Jack Daniels fuckin’ care? No a damn bit. And do ya know why TME? Cuz Jack Daniels has worked too damn long and hard for this (referring to title by slapping it). And this drunken bastard ain’t ‘bout to let all the years of blood, sweat and Ol’ No.7 go to waste for two women…or in this case, for your pathetic ass TME.
(As Daniels is walking, he stops in his tracks and thinks for a second. Daniels turns and heads the other way and begins speaking once again…)
Ya know, Jack Daniels is in such a celebratin’ mood here, I think I’m gonna do a little shoppin’. No, this drunken bastard ain’t talkin’ ‘bout goin’ out and getting’ himself some Ol’ No.7. He’s got ‘nuff in this duffel bag to last him through the night. Actually, Jack Daniels thought he would do a nice gesture for TME. No, this drunken bastard ain’t gonna buy TME a green card, even though he most likely needs one. And no, Jack Daniels ain’t gonna buy him a clue, even though he could use one. No, Jack Daniels is gonna do somethin’ for TME that no one else has done ‘fore.
(Daniels walks into the lobby of the Civic Center. It’s a mess as thousands of fans have just ransacked the place after Shockwave. The floor is covered with empty soda bottles, paper and torn up signs fans were using throughout Shockwave. Janitors though are quick and are on it as they are cleaning up. Vendors are seen packing up leftover T-shirts and other trinkets, back into their boxes to try and sell at Shockwave’s next location. Daniels walks up to the first vendor in sight and begins speaking…)
Jack Daniels: Hey, ya got anythin’ left for this drunken bastard to buy?
Vendor: Oh wow…Jack Daniels. Umm…I’m sorry, you can’t buy it.
Jack Daniels: Why the hell not?
Vendor: Well, first off, I’m sold out of all of your T-shirts. And second, well, I couldn’t take your money.
Jack Daniels: Oh no, this drunken bastard ain’t lookin’ for one of his shirts. Hell, ya don’t think that I know my T-shirts would sell out?
Vendor: Well then, what were you looking to buy?
Jack Daniels: A TME shirt?
Vendor: Why would you want a TME shirt? He sucks…
Jack Daniels: Hell, ya don’t think Jack Daniels knows that?
Vendor: I mean, I’ve been selling shirts and all for the NEWF since day one, and I haven’t sold one yet.
Jack Daniels: And that’s exactly why Jack Daniels wants one. He wants to be the first to own a TME shirt. He wants to help out TME in any way he can. So this drunken bastard figured that if he bought a shirt and TME thought he had at least one fan out there, that it might help his spirits out a bit.
Vendor: Ah I see.
Jack Daniels: Plus, the toilet paper in these arena is like sandpaper on this drunken ass. Jack Daniels needs something cotton to wipe his ass with.
Vendor: BWAHAHAHAHA! Damn that’s classic Jack. (reaches into a box and pulls out an NEWF authentic TME shirt and hands it to Daniels.) Here you go. (Daniels hands him some money but the Vendor refuses) Oh no, that’s quite alright Jack. It’s for a good deed.
Jack Daniels: Well, if ya say so. Hell, I just wanted TME to actually think that he has a fan out there. But ya know, it’s probably better if he doesn’t think that cuz who knows how big his head and ego will inflate to. He might not be able to get it in this buildin’ anymore.
(Daniels grabs the shirt and heads off after he thanks the Vendor and then continues speaking…)
Jack Daniels: Ya see TME, this shit deserves nuttin’ more but to be wiped all over this drunken ass. Just like your little title shot means jack shit. Cuz the fact of the matter is TME, that ya haven’t earned yourself a rematch. Losin’ to Chip Masters doesn’t qualify as a valid argument here. But who needs arguments and cases now a days. Hell, this drunken bastard wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if Joe Lemon was his next title defense after TME. TME, ya should feel honored to be able to take advantage of such a prestigious opportunity. Shit, Jack Daniels has already made ya famous after that Hell in a Cell Match last month. But now…now it’s time to make ya MY BITCH! That’s right Grady, after Monday night is all said and done, your role of The Drunk One’s bitch will be handed over to TME. Don’t say Jack Daniels never gave ya anythin’ TME, cuz he gave ya two things…an ass whoopen and a half and the role of the Drunken Bitch. TME, after Monday night is all said and done, you’re gonna regret ever growin’ the peach fuzz on your balls and askin’ the Commish for this match cuz it’s gonna be one ass whoopen that y’all never…ever forget for the rest of your pathetic, preachin’ life.
Till then…M*THERFUCKER!
(Daniels walks up to a door that reads "Men’s Bathroom". Daniels is about to walk in but stops and looks down at the TME shirt in his hand. Daniels grins as he walks into the bathroom and the scene fades to black…)