TME…your career’s OVER!
TME…your career’s OVER!
(The scene opens and we find ourselves in some sort of parking lot. We assume it’s somewhere in New Hampshire since the NEWF’s weekend festivities will be taking place there. The parking lot is packed and as the camera pans the area, we finally realize exactly where we are: at a local…Toys R’ Us?! What the hell are doing at a Toy R’ Us? There’s only one man here in the NEWF that’s crazy enough to be here. And upon closer inspection, my suspicions are correct…it’s none other than The Whole Drunken Show himself, Jack Daniels. Daniels is seen walking towards the front entrance to the Toys R’ Us. Daniels, as always, has with him a bottle of good Old No.7. There doesn’t seem to be whole lot of liquor left in that bottle either. But the question still remains unanswered, why is Jack Daniels at Toys R’ Us? Why don’t we find out…)
Jack Daniels: Simplicity. The one word that defines…little kids. The one word that defines…life(Daniels looks down as he clenches his right fist and the down to his left where he has his bottle of liquor and grins). The one word that defines this drunken bastard’s opponent Monday night at Shockwave. But he’s just not any opponent. Oh no…ya see, he’s one that Jack Daniels is somewhat familiar with. Fact is, he’s my drunken bitch…and he’s TME.
Ya see, TME and this drunken bastard have gone one on one in that ring on quite a few occasions since the NEWF’s inception. And he thought he knew TME better than anyone else, with the exception of his fellow Canadian ass kisser little Spencer. All this time Jack Daniels thought that TME was a cocky, arrogant sunuva bitch, that would hit hard whether he win or lose. But TME has shown this drunken bastard ‘nother side…he brought out the little kid in himself. Not only what TME and Spencer did in that ring doesn’t constitute the classification of a rasslin’ match, but it showed us that he’s nuttin’ but a Toys R’ Us kid. I mean, the little bastard sat down in the middle of the ring, and had himself a game of scrabble to decide the New England Title. Now Jack Daniels figured he needed to get TME’s mentality, so he decided to take a little trip out here to a local Toys R’ Us. Hell, who knows, this drunken bastard might even bump into TME here…
(Daniels walks through the doors that automatically open once Daniels approaches them. He walks in and takes a look around as he gets nostalgic memories. He snaps out of it and now looks around as if in search of something…)
Jack Daniels: Now where the hell are the board games ‘round here? Toys R’ Us never used to be this big back in my day. Oh wait, never mind. Jack Daniels has never been in a Toys R’ Us. He’s thinkin’ ‘bout his childhood hangout, Liquors R’ Us. But anyway, does anyone work here? (Approaches an employee…) Hey, where are the board games at?
Employee: Umm…go down this aisle, make a right, down three aisles make a left…down two more aisles and make a right. They’ll be on your right side.
Jack Daniels: Down this aisle make a left, down two aisles and make another left, up three more and make a right…Ya expect Jack Daniels to remember all that crap.
Employee: (Looks down at the bottle of Old No.7 in Daniel’s hand) Umm…sir, you’re not allowed to have that bottle of alcohol in the store.
Jack Daniels: Ya know you’re right lady. What kind of example does this drunken bastard set by drinkin’ this liquor in front of little kids? I’ll go throw this out in the garbage right outside ‘fore I go find the board games.
(Daniels turns and heads back out. Just about as he’s about to step out of the store, he turns around and sneaks back into the store. You actually think he’s gonna throw that little liquor left away? No…not Jack Daniels, you should know that by now…)
Jack Daniels: Well how do ya like that? They didn’t have a garbage outside, and this drunken bastard couldn’t just leave it on the floor. Some kid might come walkin’ along and cut his foot or trip over it. Ya know me, I try and do what I can for the kids. Now this drunken has gotta find where those board games are so he can brush up on his skills. Ya see the way Jack Daniels figures it, if last week was any indication of how the number one contenders’ spot is gonna be decided, well then he better get his act together and get the latest on board games cuz the only one this drunken bastard remembers playin’ back in the day was spin the bottle. And Jack Daniels has a feelin’ that anybody can just ‘bout guess what kinda bottle this little drunken bastard used to use.
Now TME, don’t get all excited here and start singin’ the Toys R’ Us song just yet. I know ya feel like your at home right now. Ya see, cuz this fits your personality. This fits your description. Ya like to play games…childish games. Cuz in fact, that’s exactly what ya resemble. And Jack Daniels has finally knocked some screws loose in his head to make him realize that the only thing he stands a chance of winnin’ at…of provin’ superior to…is winnin’ at his type of childish games that designed to test the intellect of 3-14 year olds. But that’s typical of TME cuz he’s only got the brain capacity and power as an 8 year old. It hasn’t been scientifically proven, but he can’t be smarter than an 8 year old if he actually thinks he holds an ounce over Jack Daniels. Yeah, this drunken bastard will be the first to admit that he has brought his game with him on a few occasions and brought on a beatin’. But let’s not forget THE…just who was left standin’ in the end. Daniels vs. TME I: Jack Daniels. Daniels vs. TME II: Jack Daniels. Daniels vs. TME III: Yeah, that might have been ya TME, but only by the skin of your teeth bitch. And quite frankly, it wasn’t ya or your pathetic title that Jack Daniels was comin’ after when he got involved in your match with Hailey. It was screwein’ over Hailey by any damn means necessary. And if that meant puttin’ my shoulders down, even to a piece of pathetic horse shit like TME.
Ya see, maybe that doesn’t make much sense to ya TME, but it’s rather quite simple…there’s that word ‘gain. It just simply goes to show ya to what extent this drunken bastard would go to, just to get his way and what he wants. There is nuttin’ more humiliatin’ in this world than getting’ pinned by TME. But Jack Daniels took those consequences to get what he needed done. Ya see, it’s bout sacrifices ya have to take TME. Ya can’t get everything ya want all the time. There’s always a tradeoff somewhere along the road. Ya have to give up one thing to gain ‘nother. And that’s what Jack Daniels did two weeks ago. He gave up humiliation over pissin’ off Hailey. Kind of makes ya wonder TME, doesn’t it? Kinda makes ya wonder just exactly what lengths Jack Daniels will go to not only whoop your ass one more time, but to earn a shot at that title which I was never given a rematch to. Ah, here we go…board games.
(Daniels stops in the middle of the aisle as he looks up at a big set of shelves filled with board games.)
Jack Daniels: Hmmm, look at all these games. Now which one could Jack Daniels brush his skills up with? How ‘bout Monopoly? Nah, this match is only a thirty minute time limit and this game could take days. He wouldn’t challenge Jack Daniels to a game of Monopoly. Maybe…the game of Life? Nah, he ain’t got one of those, so he can’t play that. Sorry? What the hell is this? (Daniels picks up the box from the shelf and looks at it before putting it back) I don’t know what the hell this is, but TME will be SORRY he ever stepped in that ring with The Drunk One. Candyland? Ya know, it’s funny Jack Daniels sees that title, cuz it seems that TME thinks this drunken bastard’s title reign was like bein’ in Candyland. Hell, in a way it was since you’re the most sought out man in this industry. But TME likes to fill his ego with the lies and beliefs that all of my opponents durin; my title reign were hand picked and lacked any talent and skill. Well, just in case ya forgot genius, ya were one of my opponents challengin’ Jack Daniels for the title. Hmm…I guess ya were right. None of ‘em had any talent or some sort of common sense. What other game could we pick here? Clue? This one applies more to the Smirt kidnappin’ case. Trivial Pursuit? Nah, we ain’t answerin’ the question no one can figure out…just how much of an asshole is TME? Damn, as many games as there are here, I really don’t think TME can master nay of ‘em like he has with Scrabble. Ya know, maybe Jack Daniels is in the wrong place. Maybe…just maybe…yup, I knew it.
(Daniels turns around and heads out of the store. He walks back out of those automated doors and back out onto the parking lot. He’s walking out of the parking lot and heading somewhere else as he continues speaking…)
Jack Daniels: Ya know, Jack Daniels just realized that TME will always try the same ol’ tricks…with the same ol’ games. And this drunken bastard figured that maybe he should only have to worry ‘bout the one thing…the one game that TME likes to play. I’m talkin’ ‘bout other than Scrabble. Yeah, he likes to have his "suites" all by his side and watch his back. But every time ya tried to play the game…ya couldn’t beat the system. Take Daniels vs. TME I for example. The biggest match in your career. Ya stood absolutely no chance unless ya brought ‘long your little butt buddy Spencer. He stuck his nose in a drunken ass that in which it didn’t belong, and both of ya got your asses whooped. And just like that night, Jack Daniels will be givin’ a two for one ass whoopin’ special. But both are gonna be for the same person…TME. The first to win my shot at the Heavyweight Title. And the second…the second is gonna be to make this chapter in the Daniels vs. TME book…the LAST!
YA see TME, ya should be havin’ an orgasm over the fact that ya get to step in that squared circle and go one on one with The Drunk One. Cuz it’s The Drunk One that’s gonna make your NyQuill drinkin’ ass famous. Jack Daniels made ya in that ring at Boston Massacre. And now he’s gonna break ya bitch. He’s gonna break ya in two. Ya can run…ya can hide…hell ya can even bring Scrabble along with a couple of bottles of NyQuill. But realize that no matter what ya do…what ya try…what tricks ya got up your sleeve…it ain’t gonna change the end result of Jack Daniels whoopin’ your preachin’ ass to hell and back.
(Daniels stops in front of a store. He looks up at the sign which read "Book Store". He walks in and walks up to the cashier and speaks…)
Jack Daniels: Hey, do ya have any of those…what do ya call ‘em…those things with paper in ‘em and they got words…
Cashier: You mean books?
Jack Daniels: YEAH…that’s it, books. Do ya have any books on how to win at Scrabble or something like that.
Cashier: Umm…no I don’t think so.
Jack Daniels: Aw damn. I figured I would cover all the bases here just to be sure…
Cashier: Well, first off, if ya wanna do good in Scrabble, you’re definitely going to need a dictionary.
Jack Daniels: A who?
Cashier: A dictionary. That big book with all those words in it and what they mean.
Jack Daniels: Oh alright…I gotcha now. What else?
Cashier: Well, what other books does this person like to read?
Jack Daniels: (Daniels thinks for a moment then grins) Ya got any Bibles?
(The Cashier nods her head no and Daniels leaves the store. He walks back outside where he takes a swig from his bottle of Old No.7 and continues speaking…)
Jack Daniels: Ya see TME, Jack Daniels has got all your grounds covered. He has your number in the ring, and that’s the only place where it counts. Ya never could accept the fact that a drunk could not only beat ya in the middle of ring, but outlcass ya in every way possible. And this Monday night, he’s gonna do it once ‘gain. He’s gonna run over your Canadian ass and move onto Grady Smith, where’s he’s gonna once ‘gain climb to the top of the NEWF and become everyone’s hero as the NEWF Heavyweight Champion. And then and only then will Jack Daniels make ya realize that not only is your event over…but that…
Till then…MOTHERFUCKER!
(And with that…the scene fades to black…)