(The scene opens and we find ourselves right outside a local general hospital, right outside of the Ennis area. Suddenly, the doors open up automatically. Someone must have hit the little handicap button to open the doors. We either got a wheel chair about to speed on through or some old woman dragging her slow ass with a walker. Wait a second, the person cming through the doors fits neither of those descriptions. It's Jack Daniels. Jack Daniels walks through the doors decked out in a pair of black Adidas sweat pants, a black sleeveless t-shirt, a yellow bandana wrapped around his head and a pair of sunglasses. But even more noticeably is the fact that Daniels has bandages wrapped around both his arms, and a few noticeable scars on his face. Daniels doesn't look all to happy, as he spots the camera, signals to it to follow him and begins speaking...)
Jack Daniels: 3 years...3 fuckin' years...over 200 matches...over 20 title reigns...and never...NEVER has anyone had the nerve or the balls to pull off a stunt like Venom and the rest of the Dirty Fuckin' Retards did this past Monday night on Malice. But ya know, I wouldn't even consider it takin' balls to pull of that little stunt. Sickin' some rabid dogs on Jack Daniels. Yeah, you're bad Venom...ya and your other cocksuckin' buddies are the shit. Everyone should be scared of the all mighty Dorks For Real. Fact is 'em bastards can't even take care of the dirty work themselves or with their own two hands. They need rabid dogs...Ford Excursions...and sledgehammers. Pretty pathetic bitches...pretty fuckin' pathetic if ya ask me.
And perhaps most pathetic of 'em all is none other than DFR's weakest link...Ray Ray Willmott. That fact that he's DFR's weakest link doesn't make him all that pathetic at all. but instead, it's the fact that he knows it...and HE LIKES IT? He likes it...Ray Ray really likes it. Well I'll tell ya what you're gonna like even more Willmott. You're gonna like the little reality check Jack Daniels has in store for ya Willmott. By now, after all those shots to the head with that sledgehammer and all those bottles of Ol' No.7 pourin' down on your head, one would think that those loose screws have been knocked back into place in your head. But they obviously haven't. Let's see, DFR let ya into their little brotherhood, seein' that they needed someone, someone to to the dirty work, and someone to throw in front of the bullet. Then little Miss Gang Bang Chang decides to use ya as her little boy toy and suddenly, your head has become as inflated as a hot air balloon. And now the fun begins Ray Ray, cuz it's time for Jack Daniels to pop that over inflated head of yours Willmott causin' a crash landin' back to this little sanctuary we call reality. And don't forget to bring all of us back a souvenoir from your little geo trip Ray Ray. I like those little glasses people put straight liquor in...ah shot glasses, yeah that's it. I especially like the ones that tell you the name of the place that your visitin', so if ya can find one that says "Dream World" on it, that would be a nice one to the Jack Daniel's collection. And after ya do, and Jack Daniels takes ya on a little trip down ass whoopen lane, he's gonna add ya to 'nother collection of his...the collection of sorry motherfuckers that couldn't handle a round of Jack Daniels.
Ya know it sickens me half to fuckin' death just how those Dumbass Fuckin' Retards just love to pick on Jack Daniels week after fuckin' week. They love to prove to the world just how tough they are by sickin' rabid dogs on this drunken bastard. And yesterday, Jack Daniels came to a realiztion yesterday while those cute nurses bathed me and took so good care of me, and then when those jackass doctors stuck needle after needle in me...that's it's time to start playin' dominos. No not the game jackass...I'm talkin' 'bout with DFR. Ya see Willmott...one by fuckin' one, all ya bastards are gonna start goin' down. And guess what Ray Ray? You're gonna be the very first one. You're gonna be that first domino that gets hit ever so slightly, cuz as physics tell us, it doesn't take all that much to knock that first domino over. And just by takin' a look at Willmott, it's safe to say a small draft will be 'nuff to knock the sorry sunuva bitch over. But it's also the first one is also the funnest one, cuz 'fore ya actual do it, ya sit back and think up all the different ways ya can go 'bout it. Same applies to Willmott...do I just tap the bitch over and not waste my tiem and energy on the bastard, cuz quite frankly, he don't deserve it. Or do ya knock him the fuck out so hard, he falls faster than a Vanilla Ice hit on the Billboards? Regardless of how Jack Daniels approaches the situation, the end result will be the same Ray. Ya have your ass handed to ya on a fuckin' silver platter at the Pay Per View...and in turn it starts the domino effect of the downfall of DFR. First ya, and then Haywood will fall cuz of Draven...and then Kanyon is gonna make Venom fall like the bitch he is...and then Grady and Hailey take each other out ucz they're both too fuckin' stupid to realize that they're killin' themselves as well as everyone else in DFR at the same time. Willmott, ya might wanna go fuck little Miss Titty Clitty Bang Chang now while ya can, cuz after Sunday night, well let's just say that the only sickness ya will have is an overdose of Jack Daniels.
(Daniels stops walking for a moment as he spots a liquor store. Daniel's eyes light up as he walks in as the camera follows him in. Daniels walks up tot he counter where the sales clerk is standing...)
Clerk: Can I help you sir?
Jack Daniels: What, ya mean ya have to ask what I actually want to drink?
Clerk: Oh wait, yeah you're that wrestler...Jack Daniels. I saw that match of yours a couple of nights ago. Damn that was sickening...how are you doing?
Jack Daniels: How would ya feel if ya got bitten and chewed up by a couple of rabid dogs? *The clerk thinks for a second before grimacing just from the thought of pain* Exactly. Now give Jack Daniels what he wants.
Clerk: Yes sir. *The clerk reaches behind him and grabs a liter bottle of Old No.7 and places it on the counter* There you go...a bottle of good Old No.7.
Jack Daniels: What the hell is this? Ya think Jack Daniels wants this bottle of Ol' No.7?
Clerk: Huh? But I always see you drinking Old...
Jack Daniels: Nevermind what ya see this drunken bastard drinkin'. Now grab me a bottle of some GreyGoose Vodka.
(VODKA?!?! This can't be...has hell frozen over? Look at the sky, are pigs flying? Jack Daniels drinking something else instead of his good Old No.7? Maybe it's the shots he got or those dogs biting into him. Yeah that's got to be it. Jack Daniels grabs the bottle and leaves the store. As soon as he walks out, he begins to unwrap his arms. Ugh, just looking at the damage those dogs did makes your stomach turn. Flesh is just hanging off of Daniel's arms. The cuts, bite marks and scrapes all over his arms are still very much fresh and slightly bleeding, as we can see from the blood on the bandages. Daniels opens the bottle of Vodka. For all you marks out there, you might wanna pop in a tape and hit that record button cuz you'll never see this again...Daniels drinking vodka. Daniels opens the bottle, raises it and here we go...wait Daniels begins pourin' the vodka all over his arms as we can just hear it burning those open flesh wounds. Daniels grimaces from the sting but then regains his composure and continues speaking...)
Jack Daniels: What, ya thought Jack Daniels would drink this crap? I think not. Hell, this bottle of vodka will do more medically for me then all those ridiculous shots those doctors gave me. But one thing is for sure...those shots will do more help than Jack Daniels expects from Bazooka Joe in this match. Which in case ya haven't figured it out yet, that's equals about zero help. But ya see, that's all fine and good. So don't get all down on yourself Bazooka. Jack Daniels wouldn't want it any other way. I don't want your help, and I'm sure as hell that ya don't want my help either. It's each man for his fuckin' self. Ya see Bazooka, business is business. There ain't no room for friendship in this match if it comes down to me and ya in the end. There ain't no room for feelings. So what ya need to understand Bazooka is that if ya get clocked upside the head by this drunken hand...ya better believe that it was no mistake. Now I know ya wouldn;t want it any other way...and neither does Jack Daniels. We both have to go in there and take care of business...it's as simple as that. Just like I'm 'bout to right here...right now.
Bazooka, ya and little Ray Ray are very similiar in your own ways. Ya see, just like him, your unexperienced and naive. Ya think that if ya allign yourself with greater talens and greater powers such as myself, that ya'll get places. Well let me ask ya Bazooka, exactly where has it gotten ya? Do ya find yourself higher up on that ladder? I don't fuckin' think so. Think 'bout it Bazooka...when ya were all by your lonesome self, ya took that NEWF TV Title, and gave it a reputation like no one else could by holdin' it for over a hundred days. Ya were either more focused back then or ya were givin' Prez Best more head on a nightly basis...how ya kept it that long I don't know...and quite frankly, I don't fuckin' care Bazooka. Point is, back then ya were higher up on the ladder of success than ya ever were 'gain. Ya came on ship with Armageddon and it got ya nowhere and fast. Now ya jumped on ship with the new forces to be, and where has it gotten ya this far? 'Gain, nowhere...and nowhere fast. It's quite obvious that just like Willmott, you're the weakest link in this group, and ya'll always be. But unlike Ray Ray who goes 'bout and puts it on the six o'clock world news, Bazooka, ya tend to keep it on the hush hush...on the down low, in hopes that no one will notice. But guess fuckin' what Bazooka? Jack Daniels has noticed it and picked up on it, and now he's gonna exploit it. Hell Bazooka, Jack Daniels warned ya he would, so don't come out and start bitchin' just cuz ya can't take the heat. Actually, that's what I want Bazooka...I want ya to come out and fire all ya got at me...I want ya to bitch like there's no tomorrow. I want to light that fire under your ass, and I wanna be the one to put it out and prove to ya that I am indeed the better man and the one worthy of fightin' for the United States Title. Yeah, ya might have been there already Bazooka and know what it takes to get there. but don't forget where this drunken bastard has been, and that's at the top of this fuckin' mountain not once...but TWICE this past year. If anyone knows what it takes to get there...it's Jack Daniels cuz he's been there and back more times than ya got laid Bazooka. No need to use your fingers to count how many times ya got laid Bazooka to get an idea of just how many times Jack Daniels has been there and back. Shit, if ya thought this was bad Bazooka then ya ain't seen nuttin' yet. I might have made ya seem this big Bazooka *Daniels holds his thumb and index finger a half an inch apart* right now, but come Sunday night bitch, Jack Daniels is gonna make ya feel even smaller...if that's humanly possible.
(Daniels comes across a bum sitting on the street with a shoppoing cart filled with his belongings to his side. Daniels stops and looks at him for a moment. He then looks at his bottle of vodka, or what's left of it. He then gives it to the bum and continues walking as he speaks...)
Jack Daniels: Was it just me, or did that look just like Evan Douglas? Yeah I thought it did. What happen to ya Evan? Ya were handed a gift from up 'bove. Ya had the opportunity of a lifetime that anyone else would die for. And what did ya do Evan? Ya fuckin' blew it. Your one moment in the sun was ruined by a downpour of rain. Or should we say, it was ruined by a downpour of Jack Daniels. Yeah that seems more fittin' to the situation. Yeah, ya probably think Jack Daniels is crazy right 'bout now Evan, but ya'll quickly change your frame of mind. Ya see, ya always were nuttin' Evan. Ya had the talent and some luck on your side, but ya could never break through and find that niche. That is until Jack Daniels convinced the other members in Armageddon to bring ya onboard. Yeah Evan...it was me. And just what happened...hell, ya damn near went on to stardom. Your head finally cleared up and ya weren't full of yourself. Ya actually had Jack Daniels believin' ya were the next best thing in this industry by pushin' Haywood to his limits. Yeah, ya can say Jack Daniels made ya. But the what happened bitch? Aramgeddon reformed so to say, and ya were left out in the cold. Now can ya guess who it was that left ya hangin'? No no...it wasn't Draven...no not his brother either. Wrong, Kanyon had nuttin' to do with it. What's that ya say...Bazooka Joe? Oh no Evan, not by a fuckin' longshot. Ya give up bitch? It was me...moi. Jack Daniels dropped the ball on ya and left ya out in the cold. Jack Daniels saw your head beginnin' to inflate once 'gain,a s it was gettin' filled with all your conceited typical bullshit. Yeah, Jack Daniels made ya...but don't forget he broke ya as well.
Ya see Evan, ya haven't been 'round long 'nuff to realize just exactly what it takes. Ya have been handed some title shots here and there, but ya have yet to realize just what it takes to take full advantage of 'em and get to the top. This match right here on Sunday us an opportunity ya need to take full advantage of. But the fact of the matter is, that ya won't. Ya see, the psychology of this match just ain't there for ya. You're some innocent bystandard whose name came to Chang's mind at the wrong time. Ya hve no business in this match what-so-fuckin'-ever. And Jack Daniels is gonna see to it that your properly disposed of in a timely manner, so the reguarly booked match can proceed as scheduled. Ya see what's happenin' to ya Evan? You're gettin' lost in the shuffle here. You're just bein' thrown into matches as a filler...just so ya won't bitch that you're not gettin' booked. Ya don't factor into this match anymore than ya factored into Armageddon. And did ya ever stop and wonder why ya were given a title shot just last week Evan? Think 'bout it...the NPWA has got it's first Pay Per View in one week and has a big money match that they've just been dyin' to book and bore the fans with. Now legally Grady had to defend his gold and NPWA execs all knew this. But they needed to protect their champion so they can plan their big money match...stablemate vs. stablemate for the gold. Hell, they've been buildin' it since the NPWA's inception. Have ya caught on yet Evan, or does Jack Daniels have to spell it out for ya? That's what Jack Daniels thought. They needed protect their champion and knew there was no way in hell Evan would be any type of threat to the gold. Thus, a "deservin'" challenger is given his chance. Yeah bullshit. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE EVAN! Hell, and here Jack Daniels actually thought ya had some brains up there. Face it Evan, you're a nobody...a nuttin'...a FUCKIN' PEON!
The truth hurts...don't it bitch?
(Daniels stops walking for a moment and looks down at his ripped up arms. Daniels then slowly removes his shirt, and we see even more flesh wounds from those rabid dogs. Daniels looks himself over and then continues speaking...)
Jack Daniels: Ya see these fellas? Ya see what Jack Daniels has been through? Take a long...hard...good look at it...cuz that's exactly the type of hell Jack Daniels is gonna put all ya bastards through. When I step into that ring, there will be no Ray Willmott. There will be no Bazooka Joe. There will be no Evan Douglas. They will all be non-existent to Jack Daniels. Instead, when Jack Daniels looks to the left side of the ring...and then across the ring...and to the right side of the ring... Jack Daniels won't see three opponents. He's only gonna see one...one sorry motherfucker that wished ya never heard the name Jack Daniels. This drunken bastard is gonna see nobody...except for Venom. Yeah, ya heard me right...Venom. When he looks up and sees three bodies acorss from his, he won't anyone else's face but Venom's. Just the visualization of that sorry motherfucker's face alone will pump out all the adrenaline...all the hatred...all the rage needed to do what needs to be done in this match, and thensome.
(Daniels suddenly stops and sees he's standing in front of a dog pound, how convenient. Daniels gets a grin on his face as he walks into the store. Upon entering he sees all tyoes of dogs locked up in cages. Daniels looks at them and the memories and the incident all come rushing back to him. And just when daniels turns, he spots a pitbull, just like the one that so savagely attacked him Monday night. Daniels spots an employee there and approaches them...)
Jack Daniels: Hey, what does a guy gotta do 'round here to adopt a dog?
Worker: Oh, are you interested in adotping a pet?
Jack Daniels: Yeah...I want this dog over here *points to the pitbull*.
Worker: Aw, are you in need of a new best frined?
Jack Daniels: Umm...yeah lady...if that's the way ya wanna put it.
Worker: Ok, all you have to do is fill out this paper work *hands Daniels a clipboard with a stack of papers*, and then we have to do a background check. And after that, if this is your first pet, you need to sit through a 4 hour instructional on how to take care of your new dog.
Jack Daniels: *Daniels looks at her as if she has three heads* Yeah whatever lady. Hey, you don't happen to have 'nother pen, this one is outta ink.
Worker: Another Pen? I'm going to have to go find another one from the back. I'll be right back.
(The lady walks to the back toget another pen. Daniels watches her go, and when she's out of the picture, he goes behind her desk and opens up a few drawers until he finds a set of keys. Daniels takes the keys and goes over to the pitbull's cage. Daniels unlocks it, puts a leash around the pitbull and out he goes...forget all that paperwork stuff. Daniels walks down the block a bit before speaking...)
Jack Daniels: Look at the cute little pitbull. Ya know...I think I'll call him Venom, cuz of the strikin' resemblance of Venom's face to the pitbull's face...not to mention his ass as well. Now Venom *talking to the pitbull*, bein' the good little bitch that ya are, ya need to help me make a point here. I promise ya I won't do anythin' harmful to ya...but I just need ya to be a visual aid for a small example. Now Venom, I know ya got your hands full with my good ol' buddy Kanyon, but I want ya to take a good look at this. And Willmott, Bazooka and Evan, don't think I forgot 'bout ya bastards. Oh no...not by a fuckin' longshot have I forgot 'bout ya cuz Jack Daniels realizes, that to get back to Venom, if he can somehow miraculously beat Kanyon that is, Jack Daniels has to beat all three of ya. And Jack Daniels will do so within an inch of your fuckin' pathetic lives. And when ya motherfuckers wake up the next mornin' with a fuckin' hangover the size of the Grand Canyon and realize that your lives flashed in front of your eyes, don't even think for one single solitary second of blamin' Jack Daniels for your near deaths. Ya can all place blame on only one man...not yourselves...but that punk ass bitch Venom, cuz he's the one that's gonna generate the ass whoopen of a lifetime for all of ya. *Daniels produces a bottle of Old No.7. Jesus, he just has them stored away in places we could never imagine. Daniels opens up the bottle and takes a much needed swig from it. He then gives some to the dog? Is Daniels trying to get the pitbull drunk? Quickly, Daniels begins to pour the liquor out all over the pitbull, drenching it in Ol' No.7, givin' it a boozebath. Suddenly someone comes walking by smoking a cigarette* 'Scuse me, do ya have 'nother cigarette? *The man gives Daniels a cigarette and lights it for him and then walks away and Daniels takes a drag* Thanks. Ya see, plain and simple jackasses, Jack Daniels is a torch that none of ya can come within ten feet of, let alone touch. And ya know the sayin', when ya play with fire...you're just gonna GET BURNT!
(Daniels takes one more drag from the cigarette and then he...SWOOOOOSH! HOLY SHIT! Daniels just tossed that lit cigarette on the alcohol drenched pitbull. The PITBULL HAS GONE UP IN FLAMES! IT JUST GOT BURNT...courtesy of JACK DANIELS! Look at those flames...it's sickening...Daniels looks back into the camera as he takes off his sunglasses and the camera looks dead into his eyes...)
Till Devine Intervention...MOTHERFUCKERS! MUAWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
(And with that, the scene fades to a demonic souding laugh from Daniels, and the pitbull going up in flames...*a la Sinister Minister*...Scene fades...)