(The scene fades in and all we see on our screen is the current time...7:11pm. The shot of the time seems to be moving away from us as the camera zooms out. The time being displayed was from a VCR. As the camera keeps zooming out, we see the VCR sitting atop a television. The televsion is on butthe channel keeps changing. Wee see the tv show Friends on the screen. A few seconds go by...then the Drew Carrey Show is on. A few seconds go by, and The Simpsons is now on...you get the idea. Finally the channel hopping stops and the tv screen is set on Seinfled. How can anyone resist this show? This is a treat, we get to watch an episode of Seinfled instead of another promo. Hey it looks like this episode is The Contest, the one where they all bet to see who can hold out the longest wihtout masturbating. The one episode that put Seinfled on the map...let's listen in...)
Elaine: John F. Kennedy...Juniaaaaaarrrr....
Jerry: What?
Elaine: John F. Kennedy Jr. was in the same workout session with me, doing squats right in front of me. And let me tell you, he has got a great butt.
Jerry: But the question is...are you still master of your domain?
Elaine: I'm still Queen of the castle. What about you?
Jerry: Yes, I am still master of my domain...
(Suddenly the screen goes to black. The camera fades out and we finally see why. Jack Daniels has a remote in hand and his thumb on a button, obviously a power button. Daniels puts the remote down and begins speaking...)
Jack Daniels: Would ya look at this? Re-runs, all fuckin' day long. And as if that's not bad 'nuff, Jack Daniels has got to sit here and listen to Hailey run his mouth on and on like he's the fuckin' energizer bunny. Talk 'bout your re-runs, this here is the longest fuckin' re-run on the NPWA Interview Network. Just look at the same typical bullshit that comes outta Hailey's ass that he calls a mouth...
(Daniels pushes a button on the remote control and suddenly the tv sparks to life. Ok now folks, prepare yourselves now. WARNING: The most repulsive, disgusting, repugnant face known to man is about to invade your television sets. AHHHHHHHH! IT'S HAILEY! Another caption pops up on the screen... NOTE: This tape has not been tampered with ot looped. It contains footage of various Marcus Hailey borefests, or promos as he likes to call them.)
Hailey Video Feed: Jack Daniels, your wrestling career as you know it is over...Jack Daniels, I'm gonna break you...I'm taking you out, Jack Daniels...sending you packing your bags... I've got your number Jack Daniels...and you'll be -- retired and out of the f*cking picture. Jack Daniels -- you've without a doubt been, DISSED AND DISMISSED...you've been, DISSED AND DISMISSED...
(End of video feed as the tv screen goes black. The camera focuses back on Daniels as he continues to speak...)
Jack Daniels: Listen to the sorry sunuva bitch, he sounds like a broken record. Ya see Hailey it's the same shit from ya each and every fuckin' time. The Jack Daniels you're a fuckin' joke shindig. The Jack Daniels you're gonna fuckin' die shindig. The Jack Daniels, Marcus Hailey is gonna send ya home packin' your bags shindig. And all of these have led Jack Daniels to believe that you're no better than the re-runs they flood the television airwaves with. Cuz that's all ya are Hailey, is a fuckin' re-run, not too mention a fuckin' joke. You're just like your younger borther...no fuckin' heart. Yeah sure, ya go out there and run with the best of 'em, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty...when it comes down to a matter of who has the balls, or who has the heart to get over that hump and bring it all home, ya just don't cut it Hailey. Ya drop the ball each and every fuckin' time you're passed it to run with it. Prime example, just 'bout a month and a half ago, ya got your filthy hands on the NEWF Heavyweight gold. And that right there put ya and DFR a step 'head of Armageddon, somethin' ya were trying to do for the longest, but just quite couldn't. But what did ya do two weeks later Hailey? What the fuck happened to ya Hailey? Or do ya even remember after the ass whoopen and a half was handed to ya on that night? It's quite alright jackass, ya can admit ya don't have a clue what happened after all the shots ya took to your already fucked up head. But besides all that, that night Jack Daniels shifted the momentum in the stable wars and took that gold from right 'round your waist.
Now we've all heard your pathetic ass bitch and whine like the two and a ahalf year old baby that ya are, and quite frankly, Jack Daniels is damn sick and tired of listentin' to it. And of course, damn sick and tired of listenin' to ya all together Hailey. I listen to ya talk shit left and right 'bout Jack Daniels. How you're gonna put him outta his misery...how you're gonna end his career... how you're gonna beat me and take the title from me and it goes on and on. And then, I sit back and watch ya and quite honestly, it couldn't get anymore disgustin' and pathetic on your part Hailey. Ya couldn't cut it at The Final Countdown. Everyone and yourself as well thought ya were gonna walk out witht he title. But no, instead your stablemate, your inferior, your ass kissin' sunuva bitch, Grady Smith, walked out with the title while ya were knocked the fuck out. And ya just couldn't stand the fact that your inferior, the man kissin' YOUR ass showed ya up in quite possibly the greatest title match the entire world has seen. And it was just eatin' ya all up inside. Hell, ya even make it known that ya resented the fact that Grady walked away with the gold at The Final Countdown, and not ya. It was eatin' ya all up inside how Grady is representin' DFR as the top man with the gold, when in fact it has been ya Hailey that has been makin' the most noise. And the majority of that noise has been Hailey bitchin' and whinin' 'bout not havin' that World Title 'round his waist. Well tuff fuckin' luck Hailey...deal with it and shut the fuck up.
(Daniels picks up the remote again and turns on the tv once more. The camera cuts to the tv screen and on it we see some sort of commercial with a little baby crying himself a river. Daniels looks into the camera with a grin on his face...)
Jack Daniels: Awww, look at that. Yeah, I'm thinkin' the same exact thing ya are...that sounds just like Hailey. And if we're all lucky, maybe the sorry bastard would stop his cryin' and look at this from a more realistic point of view. But luck is not in the future of anyone here, especially ya Hailey. And no, I'm not just talkin' 'bout our match this Monday night. Ya would just hope...fuckin' pray that maybe if Jack Daniels had himself 'nuff Ol' No.7 and by then forget the fact that it was Hailey himself who cost me the NPWA Heavyweight Title just two weeks ago. Cuz we all know that when Jack Daniels is pissed, things get ugly. Ya see, I ain't like Hailey, I ain't complainin' or whinin' like that little bitch Hailey, oh no. Ya see, I'm usin' that as fuel...as fuel that's gonna ignite a fire that ya wish ya have never started. And ya know what Hailey... ya know what the best part of it is? You're gonna have to put it out.
But the question is Hailey, can ya put it out? Jack Daniels doubts it, and he'll tell ya exactly why. Ya see, it became quite obvious as to why you're just scared shitless of Jack Daniels, and no Hailey, I ain't tootin' my own horn here either. Ya see, two weeks ago when it was Jack Daniels and Grady Smith in that squared circle battlin' it out for the NPWA Heavyweight Title, ya could have gone done one of two roads there. Let's look at what ya did do. Like the little pussy that ya are, ya came out, gave Jack Daniels the Death Sentence at the worst possible moment, and even placed Grady on top of me for the cover, in fear that he would get lost on the way over to my limp body. Good job Hailey, I commend ya on a run-in well done...jackass. But just what was your other option Hailey? Yeah ya know what I'm talkin' 'bout. Ya made it known that ya just couldn't stand seein' Grady Smith, your very own stablemate as the NPWA Heavyweight Champ. Hell ya even made it known that ya would rather see someone ya loathe like Jack Daniels wearin' the strap. So then, why not do just that? Why not screw your very own stablemate and rid him of the title, just like ya wanted to? Why not make Jack Daniels the Heavywieght Champ and beat him for the title, just like ya wanted to? Shit Hailey, ya fuckin' know why...and Jack Daniels knos why. Ya see, you're too much of a fuckin' pussy to take Jack Dnaiels on one on one with the gold on the line. Ya knew damn well that there would be no way in beatin' Jack Daniels for the title. Your chicken shit ass knew damn well that there would be no stoppin' Jack Daniels once he put the gold 'round his waist. Instead, ya knew that beatin' Grady would be an easier task. Hell, knowin' ya bastards, he'll just walk into the ring and lye down for your criminal ass Hailey. I know...ya know it...the whole fuckin' world knows it. Ya always take the easy way out just to make yourself look better. Well ya know, it's gettin' old Hailey and quite frankly Jack Daniels is sick and fuckin' tired of it. Ya want that Heavyweight Title, well ya have to get through me now Hailey. And ya sure as hell better believe that Jack Daniels is gonna make your little journey to the title a fuckin' livin' hell. What goes 'round come 'round...remember that bitch.
But ya know what makes this all worth while Hailey? Well, yeah tyhe fact that this match here is a no holds barred match is a little refreshin'. This way when Jack Daniels beats the shit outta ya, ya can't bitch 'bout Jack Daniels doin' this or doin' that illegally after it's all said and done. But then 'gain, we all know ya'll find something to bitch 'bout...it's your gimmick. But it's the fact that Jack Daniels is gonna give ya a taste of your own medicine. He's gonna show ya how it feels to be oh so close to winnin' that title, and then takin' it from right under your fuckin' nose. I don't know what it is Hailey, but there's obviously no love lost between us. It's like the Knicks and Heat. The Lakers and Celtics of ol'. The Yankees and Mets. Two opposin' forces that absolutely hate each other and will do anythin' it fuckin' takes to show the other up. Just like good ol' Hailey and the screwing of Jack Daniels two weeeks ago. Oh wait, I'm sorry Hailey...was that one of your infamous gimmick DFR swerves? Well congradu-fuckin'lations Hailey, cuz since ya pulled off the swerve of the century and had the entire world on the edge of their seats, Jack Daniels is gonna reward with a prize. Tell 'em what he's won Johnny. (in a game show announcer's type voice) Well Marcus Hailey, ya have just won a lifetime supply of ass whoopens, courtesy of none other than Jack Daniels (end of voice).
So go 'head Hailey...pop in the tape and watch this interview as your leisure. But we all know your style...your tactics. If ya had any hair, or peach fuzz for that matter, on your balls, ya would come out here and let it all fly out. but no...Mr. Egomaniac can't have it that way. He needs to have his opponent talk shit 'bout him first, listen to it, and then pick it apart and try and make his opponent sound like a complete jackass by denyin' every little thing said. Well be my fuckin' guest Hailey cuz ya still got plenty of time till the NPWA Interview Netowrk broadcasts their last interviews. Go 'head bitch, laugh it up now while ya can. (Daniels starts laughing as he speaks) Ya got Daniels real good two weeks ago when ya cost him the title. You're gonna meet with your good friend the deadline 'gain this week and make Jack Daniels look like an idiot...BWAHAHAHAHA...(end of laughing). Laugh it up now bitch...cuz ya can bet your bottom dollar that when it's all said and done... Jack Daniels is gonna be the one laughin' it up. And ya know what they say, he who laughs last laughs best.
Dissed...yeah I think Hailey has been. Dismissed...oh no, not by a fuckin longhsot. Ya'll be dismissed after I get done whoopin' your pathetic ass...
Till then...MOTHERFUCKER!
(Daniels picks up the remote oncew more and presses the power button and suddenly, the screen is full of static...)