Daniels on Prodigy

(The scene opens and we find ourselves inside the Drunken Mansion. Well, not really a mansion, but close enough. We find ourselves where Jack Daniels really likes to spend his time, no not in his swimming pool or hot tub with Electra, but in his entertainment room so to say. Furnished with a pool table, a rather large trophy case with trophies and titles won throughout his career, a 50's style jukebox, you get the idea. As the camera pans the room, we spot Jack Daniels sitting up at his favorite place in that entire house... the bar. Daniels has himself a bottle of Old No.7 near him on the counter, as he sits on the stool and begins speaking...)

Jack Daniels: Well...well...oh fuckin' well. It has come down to this. After years of whoopin' ass. After years of winnin' titles. After years of bein' on top. After years of doin' the unthinkable and provin' everyone wrong. After years of raisin' pure havoc...it has all come down to this. One last match, and then it will be over. One last dance, as they say, and then the lights will go out for a long time. It's a damn shame to have to see one of the greats have to put his head in between his legs and walk out with dreams unfullfilled.

(What the hell is Daniels talking about? Daniels nods his head thinking about it. He takes a swig from his bottle of Old No.7 and then a look comes across his face as if the light bulbs just went on up there. He looks back at the camera and speaks...)

Jack Daniels: Now wait, ya don't actually think that this here drunken bastard was talkin' 'bout himself, now do ya? Oh hell nah. Ya see, Jack Daniels was referrin' to his partner this weekend in the UEFA. And this drunken bastard comes in the form of none other than the myth himself...Prodigy. Now granted, this drunken bastard could have been referrin' to himself. But ya see, there's only one difference here...it ain't over for Jack Daniels just yet...not by a fuckin' longshot. Ya see, my drunken reign of raisin' havoc, whoopin' ass, winnin' titles and all that good stuff is still in full swing. And quite frankly, there ain't no one out there that's gonna make this drunken bastard think any different. Hell, everyone and their mamma have been thrown in my direction to try and slow my drunken ass down. But it hasn't slowed me down one bit. And now...now they try and scare Jack Daniels by tellin' him he has to go one on one with a legend in this industry. A man Jack Daniels has never faced 'fore...hell never even met in person 'fore. (Daniels lowers his voice just a bit) And to be quite honest, Jack Daniels is scared. Jack Daniels does fear Prodigy. He fears that Prodigy is gonna drop dead right in the middle of that ring from cardiac arrest. Jack Daniels fears that Prodigy will smell for the rest of his pathetic life now that he has dug himself six feet into DEEP SHIT! Jack Daniels fears that Prodigy... that Prodigy will never...ever be the same after goin' a round with this drunken bastard. (Daniels grabs a glass and pours some Old No.7 in at and sets it aside) Go 'head Prod, give it a try...ya just might like it.

(Daniels takes another swig as he collects his thoughts and continues speaking...)

Jack Daniels: As a matter of fact, this drunken bastard knows ya won't like. Oh no...ya'll fuckin' love it. And there ain't nuttin' wrong with admittin' that ya too are a drunkaholic. Ya see Prod, that's the trend these days. Takin' interest in guys who not only bust their balls night in and night out to make a livin' and to give 'em fans a show that they'll never forget. But also in people who sit back and enjoy life (Daniels raises his bottle of Old No.7 as if to say 'Cheers' and then takes a healthy swig). And most importantly, in guys who tell ya like it is. Not how they would like it to be or even how it was. Now that's where your faults lye Prod. Not only do ya like to tell the fans how ya would like it to be, but ya much too often tell 'em how it was. Quite frankly Prod-O, no one could give two shits 'bout how ya and ErikDravensoraus had classic battles back in the day. No one could give two shits 'bout how ya and Venom would tear the house down. Maybe some care if Venom would tear a Vietnamese hooker's panties off and bang her to the cow's come home, but that's 'nother story for 'nother time. Maybe people actually gave a flyin' fuck 'bout ya once Prod-O, in a land far, far away. But not here...not in my drunken ring. Ya see Prod-O, a lot has gone down ever since ya left this business, and then came back, and left 'gain, and came back 'gain, and left 'gain...ya get the idea. Ya see, a man came into the rasslin' scene and took it by storm. A drunken man that is. And just like he took down his bottles 'of Ol' No.7, he took down his opponents. Maybe ya heard of him one day when your little grandchildren came runnin' up to ya and asked ya if ya ever had the honor of fightin' him. Well come Monday morning Prod-O, ya can tell 'em that not only did ya have the honor of goin' one on one with The Drunk One, but that ya had yourself a round of Jack Daniels that your psycho symmatic ass just couldn't handle.

Ya know, when Jack Daniels sits back and thinks 'bout it, he realizes something Prod-O. This drunken bastard realizes that ya and me...hell we got a few things in common. Just like back in the day, when ya were on top of your game, ya were known as the "Whole Fucked Up Show". Oh no wait, my bad, that was Lunatikk Crippler. Ya were known as the "Psycho One". Oh wait, that was also someone else. Well, whatever ya called yourself, point is, ya were on top of the rasslin' mountain. Everyone wanted a piece of ya. Everyone wanted to step in that squared circle with ya, pin your shoulders to the mat 1...2...3, and be known as the one who pinned Prodigy. Well believe it or not Prod-O, the same can be said fot this drunken bastard. There's a line goin' out the door and down two blocks for an opportunity to face The Drunk One. Ya see, right now Jack Daniels is better than he was yesterday...than last week...than last year. And the scary thing is, he's gettin' better by the fuckin' minute. Jack Daniels is on the very top of that so-called rasslin' mountain. And everyone, and Jack Daniels means everyone wants to prove him wrong. But ya see Prod, that's where the similarities end. Ya see, cuz ya don't have it anymore. I remember a time back when Jack Daniels was fresh outta the distillery, when people on the streets would not stop talkin' 'bout Prodigy...Prodigy this and Prodigy that. But not anymore. You're forgotten to 'em. Hell, ya might as well be dead to 'em cuz the fact of the matter is, no one just gives a flyin' fuck 'bout ya anymore. The game ha had back then, well ya must have left it behind when ya came outta retirement for the 42nd time. No one has the desire to watch ya work in the ring. No one has the desire to look at your ugly mug. Hell, no one has the desire to even hear someone utter your name. But unlike ya Prod, Jack Daniels still continues to be at the top of his game and the rasslin' mountain. Unlike ya Prod, Jack Daniels is still loved and acknowledged by the fans. Unlike ya Prod...Jack Daniels can still step in that squared circle and put on a show like nobody's business. Hell, all in all, Jack Daniels is STILL...and ALWAYS WILL BE...the Whole Drunken Show.

(Daniels drinks to that. He wipes his mouth, put the bottle down and continues speaking...)

Jack Daniels: Now Prod, just in case ya alzheimers kicked in or ya just couldn't comprehend this drunken bastard at this intellectual level, let Jack Daniels sum this up for ya right here. Hell, I'll even do it in seven words since ya have only eight in your entire vocabulary. Prod-O, ya just don't stand a fuckin' chance. You're ass is gonna hit that canvas harder than the Dow Jones Industrial did this past week. Ya had your time in the spotlight and now it's over. It's been over for a long time. Ya couldn't stand the fact that others like Jack Daniels, stepped up and raises the bar even higher. So ya came back and tried to take it even up to the next level. But ya couldn't, could ya? It was then when ya realized that ya just don't have it inside of ya anymore. It was then when ya realized that ya just couldn't compete at the level in which today's stars compete. And then comes Sunday night. And it will be then that ya realize just why...

Ain't no stoppin' this drunken bastard now

JACK DANIELS AIN'T TO BE FUCKED WITH!!!