Rod E. Normous: That last match was amazing and this night has been unbelievable. I don't know how it can get much better than this but Jack Daniels and Haywood Jublome will try to top what has already gone on tonight.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: That they will but first they have to get here.

Rod E. Normous: True. Where are Jack Daniels and Haywood Jublome. Nobody has seen them all day. We've got a Supercard to conclude here, they've got to arrive soon or else we're doomed.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Don't worry, Rod. Neither man has ever missed a high caliber match, that they were scheduled for. Besides there's no way in hell Jack Daniels will miss out on the opportunity not only to bore us but also those watching at home on HBO as well.

Rod E. Normous: How dare you use Jack Daniels and the word 'bore' in the same sentence. Do you honestly know whom you're talking about? Tonight that very same Jack Daniels is competing against Haywood Jublome for the rights to the #1 contender spot to the CWA Heavyweight Championship. Jack Daniels has stepped up to the plate and proved himself time and time again. Daniels has gone toe to toe with the legendary Haywood Jublome every step of the way and tonight Jack Daniels could very well defeat Haywood Jublome.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Yeah, right, and the NYSWF is going to make a ressurgence and fight their way back to the top of the wrestling world. Try and say something that makes sense, Rod. You're slipping, bro.

Rod E. Normous: Well, the NYSWF thing definitely isn't going to happen but Jack Daniels just may do it. Just wait and see. He has just a good of a chance of winning this match as Haywood Jublome does. In a Stretcher Match -- anything can happen and there's no telling whom will survive this bout and whom will be sent to the hospital.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: If you don't start speaking more rational it'll be you going to the hospital and the only thing that's going to happen in this Stretcher Match is at the very end when Jack Daniels is carried out not on a gurney but in a body bag. Forget the hospital, tonight Jack Daniels will be sent to the morgue!

Rod E. Normous: I don't have time to fight with you and your idiotic statements. I'm getting word, that there has been a Haywood Jublome and Jack Daniels sighting! They're coming this way and not a moment too soon. Cameras are being dispatched onto the scene.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: I told you that they'd be here. Build it and they will come!

Rod E. Normous: What the hell do you think this is??? The Field of Dreams??? We're sitting in the middle of MGM Grand for God's sakes. I don't see any corn fields around here. All I see is tons and tons of desert in this area.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Funny, when I look out into the crowd -- I don't see desert. All I see are tons and tons of hot b*tches with fine asses that I just want to snatch up.

Rod E. Normous: Is that all you ever think about???

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Pretty much; besides my fantasies of Haywood Jublome as the CWA Heavyweight Champion.

Rod E. Normous: That's something I'd rather not see you go indepth about. Ok, I'm getting word once again that the cameras are in place and filming. Where are Jack Daniels and Haywood Jublome??? We're about to find out!

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Assuming that this match has officially begun -- it can end quicker than I've ever thought or anticipated that it would. All Haywood Jublome has to do is shove Jack Daniels off the edge of the van -- thus throwing him into traffic and the other vehicles will take care of the rest. BWAHAHAHA.

Rod E. Normous: You truly are a sick individual.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: They don't call me the 'Cynic' for nothing.

Rod E. Normous: The CWA van has just pulled into the MGM Grand and is heading directly for the front entrance. That vehicle is still traveling out of control -- I wonder who's driving it.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Stevie Wonder? You know they once closed down a street in New York City in order to allow him to the ability to drive. It was his one true wish or something.

Rod E. Normous: I really didn't know that and all respect to Stevie Wonder but I could care less about that right now because the CWA van has just stopped short -- right in front of the MGM Entrance -- and both Haywood Jublome and Jack Daniels have been sent flying off the top of the van -- hitting the hood -- and finally landing on the cold hard concrete.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: What an entrance! I wonder if the valet service around here is going to take care of that van. When I drove in earlier today, they made me wait for at least 10 minutes. Which is sort of funny because no one else I talked to had that problem.

Rod E. Normous: Did you ever think that they don't like you??? I sure as hell could see that being the case. But nevermind that because both Jack Daniels and Haywood Jublome are on their feet. Jack Daniels has just irish whipped Haywood Jublome towards the front entrance. Jublome loses his footing and stumbles to the ground.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Judging by his placement, that gives new meaning to the phrase 'red carpet' treatment.

Rod E. Normous: Good one, Damien. Haywood Jublome is now getting up from the red carpet but is met with a boot to the abdomen area. While hunched over, Daniels DDT's Jublome and what's he doing now???

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Jack Daniels is rolling Haywood Jublome up in the red carpet. Figures. Daniels is too scared to fight Jublome mano y mano -- so he's wrapping him up in that carpet to avoid fighting him. Pathetic. Simply pathetic.

Rod E. Normous: That's not the reason he's doing it and I think it's a smart tactic! Whoa! Daniels has just rolled the red carpet loaded with Jublome through the front doors -- which were opened by the MGM doorman and

now we're inside the building. The red carpet has unrolled itself and now Haywood Jublome is free.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: That could mean only one thing for Jack Daniels: Trouble!

Rod E. Normous: Jack Daniels scrapes Haywood Jublome off of the floor and locks him into a headlock position. Where's he taking him???

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: They're heading towards the front desk! There's no way MGM Grand will be able to contain this match.

Rod E. Normous: Daniels and Jublome are now at the front desk. Jack Daniels attempts to slam Jublome's face against the hard surface, however, he blocks it and then proceeds to nail Daniels' face against the razor sharp edge. After Daniels' face smashes against the desk -- Jublome dislodges a nearby computer and cracks it over Daniels' head! That has got to hurt! Jublome grabs Daniels around the head and travels over to the front desk receptionist.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Don't tell me Haywood is going to spit game at her! Don't do it, Haywood! She'll say yes and you'll forget about the match! Don't give in to your instincts! Fight them! Forget the booty! Let it go, brotha, just this once!

Rod E. Normous: It doesn't look good, as Haywood is about to speak to her. Lets listen in to what he has to say.

Haywood Jublome: Excuse me, I'd like to have a room for my friend here. Jack Daniels but just make sure that for all intents and purposes -- it's an alcohol free room. Not only am I going to damn near kill Jack Daniels tonight -- I'm going to sober him up as well. HAHAHA Now get to work, sweetie.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Haywood, I wish you could hear me right now. Forget sobering the Drunken Bastard up, just stick with the killing part. I like that!

Rod E. Normous: I'm sure you do. *rolls his eyes* After that computer shot to the dome of Daniels – Haywood Jublome has taken a decisive advantage. Daniels is out on his feet and Haywood Jublome is dragging him towards the MGM Grand Theatre!

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Oh goodie. Who's performing tonight? DMX, Jay-Z, Ruff Ryders?

Rod E. Normous: Uh, no. I actually think it's Villi Manilla with their comeback tour -- if you could believe that.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Oh god, say it ain't so! Well, their lip syncing party is about to be crashed! That'll teach them to try and deceive the American public. They're almost as bad as Jack Daniels whom wants the wrestling world to believe that he actually has skills. *Damien Moore laughs maniacally*

Rod E. Normous: I can't believe it. Haywood Jublome is going to sing!

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: No, he's not. He's going to lip sync.

Rod E. Normous: That's the same thing, when you're talking about Villi Manilli! Wait...wait a minute! Haywood Jublome just slammed the microphone over Villi or is that Manilli's head??? Now Haywood kicks him in the gut and powerbombs him. Jublome does the same thing to the other member of Villi Manilli. Haywood Jublome has just taken out Villi Manilli. He better look out though because here comes Jack Daniels.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Turn around, Haywood! Behind you, damnit! BEHIND YOU!

Rod E. Normous: Too bad that he can't hear you. Haywood does indeed turn around but it's too late. Daniels gains the advantage via the element of surprise and nails Haywood Jublome with a devastating brainbuster. Jublome's head crashes hard against the wooden stage. Haywood is busted open -- has blood pouring down his face and appears to be in trouble!

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: A little blood won't stop, Haywood Jublome. I guarantee you that. This isn't a 'First Blood' Match. It's a Stretcher Match. Big difference.

Rod E. Normous: You don't have to tell me that, I know. Jack Daniels is flinging Haywood Jublome into the seats as they work their way up and out of the MGM Grand Theatre.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: I wonder if those 5 Villi Manilli fans will get refunds since their show was ruined. But I have to admit that Villi Manilli concert was a hell of alot better than what the NYSWF has been putting out lately.

Rod E. Normous: AMEN. For once, I have to agree with you. Jack Daniels is now bringing Haywood Jublome over to the Blackjack tables. Besides being an alcoholic -- is Jack Daniels addicted to gambling as well???

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: I don't know but there's one thing that he's addicted to, which you didn't mention, and that's losing. It's all he ever does!

Rod E. Normous: I knew my agreeing with you, wouldn't last too long. Jack Daniels has just thrown Haywood Jublome into a Blackjack table. Well that card game has just come to an abrupt halt. And there's one person whom doesn't seem to be too happy about that. Do you see that Pink French Boa??? The Purple Rainbow Color Hair??? The multiple ear and nose rings?? That's...that's...that's...

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Dennis Rodman! Doesn't he have a Dallas Mavericks basketball game to be at tonight or has the league suspended him for the 1 millionth time???

Rod E. Normous: Why don't you ask him???

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: No, no, no, that's quite alright. Dennis Rodman is one dude that I wouldn't mess with.

Rod E. Normous: Ah, you do have brains, afterall. Jack Daniels just pimped slapped Dennis Rodman. What's he thinking???

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: That he has no desire to see tomorrow???

Rod E. Normous: Dennis Rodman charges towards Jack Daniels and in a fit of rage -- he spears him.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: * his best Smokey from the movie 'Friday' impersonation* Jack Daniels, YOU GOT KNOCKED THE F*CK OUT, MANNNNNNN!

Rod E. Normous: You got that right. That NBA cameraman from a couple years ago, didn't even get it that bad. Well, thanks to Dennis Rodman -- Haywood Jublome is once again in the driver's seat. What's this??? Haywood Jublome and Dennis Rodman are shaking hands! I can't believe this! Was this arrange all along??? We'll never know but now Haywood has Daniels in his clutches and is dragging him away from the blackjack tables. Where are they going to next???

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Did somebody say McDonalds?

Rod E. Normous: Close enough. Haywood Jublome and Jack Daniels are heading right for the 'All You Can Eat Buffet!'

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: There's nothing like having a snack during the middle of a 'Stretcher Match'. Jack Daniels can consider this his 'Last Supper'.

Rod E. Normous: Haywood weakens Daniels with a few more blows before taking him to the long buffet table. Someone is inhabitating though. Who is that??

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Whomever he is, the man is eatting up a storm. Can't say I'm surprise though, look at the size of him. Goddamn he's fat.

Rod E. Normous: And he won't even stop one second from stuffing his face with that chocolate cake. If I be damned. I know who that is. It's the former CWA superstar -- Bubba McRay.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: You mean the guy that ate his way out of the CWA, much the same way Oliver Miller has done several times in the NBA.

Rod E. Normous: Yes, exactly. Haywood Jublome is telling him to move -- in order to clear enough room for Haywood to dump Daniels but McRay isn't having it. Jublome is trying to budge McRay but that's like trying to move a stationary Mac Truck. Ain't going to happen. Meanwhile, Jack Daniels is coming to, which Haywood is oblivious too. Bubba McRay continues to eat and eat and eat while Haywood abadons all hope of moving him. When Haywood turns around, he's met with quite a shocker. Jack Daniels staring right at him. One gutwrench powerbomb later and Haywood Jublome is sent crashing through the buffet table.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Haywood Jublome. Don't you think that makes a great buffet dish? I'm sure that Bubba McRay does.

Rod E. Normous: It's not for me to decide. Anyways, I don't think that Jack Daniels likes MGM all too much, because he's dragging Haywood Jublome over to the annexing bridge which links MGM Grand with the new Casino/Hotel -- New York, New York! I'm sure you can imagine what the theme is of that Hotel.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Let me guess, it's a tribute to Snoop Doggy Dogg and the Dogg Pound Gangstas because of their song of the same name.

Rod E. Normous: I'm not even responding to that ludicrous answer. Haywood Jublome has now come back from the dead and is showing signs of life. Jack Daniels are outside now on the annexing bridge which fills the gap between MGM Grand and New York New York! This bridge hovers 100 feet above Las Vegas Boulevard. Both Daniels and Haywood are trading blows. Rights. Lefts. Jabs. Uppercuts. Jack Daniels irish whips Jublome towards the ledge. Oh my God, Haywood is going to fall over the edge and plunge to his death!

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Haywood Jublome hangs on but just barely. Close call. I thought we were about to have a lawsuit on our hands.

Rod E. Normous: Me too. The fight continues as Daniels and Jublome battle all along the annexing bridge until finally disappearing into the New York, New York Hotel!

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Someone better a camera on them quick. I want to see Jack Daniels carried out on a Stretcher and then placed into a body bag. I've been waiting for this my entire life!

Rod E. Normous: Your life must have been and still is very dull then.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: F*ck you.

Rod E. Normous: Wow, that too alot of brain power. Nice, well thought-out response. Good work, chief. I'm getting word that the cameras have once again spotted Jack Daniels and Haywood Jublome. Lets see what these two nuts are up to.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Only in the CWA can wrestlers have so much fun wrestling...

Rod E. Normous: Or be in so much danger. Look at that rollercoaster -- it's hitting its first ascent and after it does -- the speed is going to pick up ten-fold. Jack Daniels and Haywood Jublome's lives are in danger and all you can think about how much fun they are having???

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: I wish I was on that rollercoaster. It looks awesome.

Rod E. Normous: I wish you were, too. Right in the same cart with Haywood Jublome and Jack Daniels. That way I may never have to announce along side you ever again! The cart containing Daniels and Jublome has reached the pinnacle -- high above the Las Vegas sky-line. Everyone on the streets and the annexing bridge are pointing upwards at the spectacle. Haywood Jublome has Jack Daniels leaning over the edge. Oh my God. Please God don't let this happen.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: I told you, Rod. Tonight, Jack Daniels' career comes to an end -- once and for all. And from the looks of it -- probably his life as well.

Rod E. Normous: That huge drop in the rollercoaster couldn't have come at a better time. Haywood has fallen back to the other side of the card, allowing Jack Daniels to get himself completely back into the cart as well. Collar and elbow tie-up. Neither man is giving an inch. The ride is half over. C'mon guys, hang on. Don't go dying on us. The CWA would be sure to close down then and everyone would be forced to watch NYSWF and wish they were dead instead.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: Hey, don't be dissing the NYSWF. I love the NYSWF. *Moore begins to crack up hysterically* Fooled you, didn't I?

Rod E. Normous: 3/4 of the way there. If you haven't noticed, I'm ignoring you, Moore. You're acting oblivious to the fact that Haywood or Daniels could suffer a fatal injury here. They're approaching the final descent and then they're home free.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: You're such a pussy, Rod. You make me sick!

Rod E. Normous: They're halfway down the final descent at a quick speed. Wait, Haywood has just kicked Daniels hard in his abdomen area -- Haywood picks Daniels up -- positioning him into a crucifix powerbomb position. The cart is almost at the end of the ride. It's almost there. Don't toss him, Haywood. You son of a b*tch! Oh My God! Daniels slipped out. Shew. Disaster avoided or is it? Daniels now kicks Haywood in the gut -- picks him up -- into a torture rack position -- the rollercoaster is 20 feet away from ending. Almost there. But wait! Lynchburg Lowdown! LYNCHBURG LOWDOWN! Haywood Jublome is sent flying from the cart courtesy of the swinging neckbreaker from the torture rack position. Haywood soars like an eagle for 15 feet and lands onto the ground. GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! Haywood Jublome is dead or close to it. You had the wrong person all along, Rod.

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: For once, I am speechless. I don't know what to say. I'm stunned into silence. Lets just see what happens and hope for the best.

Rod E. Normous: That's...that's.....'THE WALKING TRIPLE THREAT' JACK REED!' Jack Daniels never had any concern for Haywood Jublome. This has been a set-up all along. Jublome could very well be dying – and Daniels along with Jack Reed and presumably the second supposed medic -- Dr. Lander -- have abducted him. What are they going to do with Haywood Jublome now??? Jack Daniels is the #1 contender to the CWA Heavyweight Title and will have a match in due time with the CWA Heavyweight Champion Nukeman but this isn't the way to win it, damnit! This is sickening! This is disgraceful! Jack Daniels and Jack Reed are spineless, worthless pieces of trash and...

'The Cynic' Damien Moore: I've now converted. They're my favorite wrestlers! The hell with that loser Haywood Jublome. I love Jack Daniels. He knows how to get the job done and above all -- he's a winner!

Rod E. Normous: Sure, change your tune now. If Haywood Jublome survives this, you best believe that they'll be hell to pay. He'll get his revenge and your new found friends -- Jack Daniels and Jack Reed will receive the brunt of it. Fans, we'll try and get a report to you concerning Haywood Jublome's condition as soon as possible but for now we're out of time. There's a new CWA Heavyweight Champion -- Nukeman and a new #1 contender to his title in Jack Daniels! For Damien Moore -- this is Rod E. Normous. Goodnight everyone and we'll see you at Sunday Night Sabotage!