The World of Retard Wrestling Roster

Fire Hydrant Boy-4'8",98 lbs.; finisher: The Big Sack Kick; Buffalo, NY; music: Theme from 'Shaft'

===A little background info:
===Fire Hydrant Boy held the Cardboard Loserweight Belt, which was taken by Mentally Challenged Wrestling. He won his title back in that league, and now brings it to WRW to be competed for. While in MCW, he hit his head on the toilet and, as his memory was altered, thought he was a pimp named Silky. His amnesia has worn off, and he is back to, and I use the word loosely; Normal.

"Ratgirl" Diane Kronson-5'2", 313 lbs., finisher: The Kabash; Buffalo, NY; music: "All you can eat" by The Fat Boys

===A little background info:
===After running the Ponderosa restaraunt buffet into bankruptcy, she now lurks in the shadows of Buffalo, New York. Her boyfriend, Fire Hydrant Boy, has always held her dear to his heart. It is odd that her voice is so high, being that she looks like Wampa, and all.

The Fly Girl-5'3", 116 lbs.; finisher: The Superfly; Pittsburgh, PA; music: "Fly Like an Eagle" by the Steve Miller Band; Manager: Pigeon Girl

===A little background info:
===The Fly Girl is never without her gigantic fisheye goggle-looking glasses. She has a very interesting vocabulary, but her favorite word is "Varoom". She would like to someday carry the little bus cardboard belt. Her manager has feet that are curved in towards each other and she waddles when she walks.

Little Pedro Astacio-5'2", 98 lbs.; finisher: The Tabacca' Buster; from the Smokey Mountains; music: "Theme from 'Mighty Mouse'

===A little background info:
===Pedro Astacio is a young man who has been driven mad from working in the tobacco fields to long. His favorite weapon is a long stalk of tobacco which he carries with him to the ring. He seems to enjoy jamming tobacco products up his nose and snorting them.

Squirts-5'6", 175 lbs.; finisher: Constipation; Somewhere in Mexico; music: "Don't Drink the Water" by Dave Matthews; manager: Preparation H

===A little background info:
===As Squirts walks to the ring, everybody throws toilet paper at him. He can never speak because "he has to go". He claims that his constant diarrhea comes from the tainted water in Mexico. Whenever he sees a female, diarrhea runs down his leg.

The Proctologist-5'11", 238 lbs.; finisher: The Rectal Exam; Butte, Montana; manager: The BUTTer Girl

===A little background info:
===The Proctologist spent the past six years in a Mexican dental school. After flunking many classes and being kicked out of Mexican dental school for being too lazy, he decided to become an Assdoctor. All of his methods are self-taught, which makes him highly recommended throughout the rump community, for they frown on education (unless it's special).

Demented Fan-5'5", 115 lbs.; finisher: The Snuff Out; Pillowtalk, Arkansas;

===A little background info:
===Was Pillowman until he realized he could take the pillows from his body. Now he is just a demented, obsessive fan who will latch on to any star that gives him the time of day. He is the reason Cerebral Paul Z. does not return emails to his wrestlers. Just kidding.

Harlowe T. Quimby-6', 160 lbs.; finisher: Family Values; Sanderlund, Ontario; music: "The Loser in the End" by Queen

===A little background info:
===A 20-something kid with some mental problems. Wears a tattered old 'Queen' jacket he grew out of a couple of years back. He owns two pair of jeans. He keeps his spare pair hidden under 'Phil's Donuts'. Harlowe can't read. He swears that sign says "Harlowe's Donuts". His extreme fear of water has given him no choice but to Duct Tape his deodorant collection under his armpits.

Deaf, blind, paralyzed, mouth sewn shut, parapalegic man; 2'5", 50 lbs.; finisher: Fall out of Wheelchair Splash; Hometown: Some Ghetto Hospital; music: "One" by Metallica

===A little background info:
===Stubs for arms and legs, frayed yarn stiched across mouth, "coke bottle" sunglasses, carrots in ears, Has no manager, but everyone comes down the aisle with him and beats the shit out of him while he is rolling down the ramp. He used to be a succesful wrestler until he got a rocket shot up his ass and then Saddam Hussein sewed his mouth shut and cemented carrots in his ears. He was paralyzed by a crazed fan who hit him on the head with a 1976 Buick which broke his neck. A diseased strickened monkey from Africa gave him lice and parasites. It also scratched his eyes out with dull nail clippers.

Dwarf; 3' 5", 45 lbs.; finisher: The Dwarf Drop; Hometown: The Seven Hills of Gold; Manager: Snow White; Music: "Heigh Ho Heigh Ho, It's off to Work We Go" by the Dwarf Posse

===A little background info:
===Dwarf is a short guy with long white mustache. He is a goofy fan favorite, mainly because of his 'happy go lucky' attitude, and his theme music. The crowd sings along to "Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho..." when it plays as this miniature man strolls to the ring giving high fives. He is always accompanied by the lovely Snow White.

Dead Man Not Walking; 6" (laying down) high by 5'8" long, 208 lbs.; Hometown: Sarasota, FL; Finisher: Rigor Mortis; Music: "99 Ways to Die" By Megadeth; Manager: Man With Wheelbarrow

===A little Background info:
===HE'S DEAD.

Deep Throat; 5'10½", 269 lbs.; hometown: Jelly, KY; finisher: The cum loogie; music: "Cameltosis" by Korn; Manager: The Vibrator

===A little Background info:
=== Deep Throat is never with out her jizz rag, usually in her back pocket. She enjoys blowing as much as any guy likes receiving, and them some... but she always spits. Always dressed in tight leather garb. When she enters the ring, cover your nuts, and run.

Levar Burton; 5'10", 180; Hometown: Your local PBS station; Finisher: The Rainbow Splash; music: "The Homo Rainbow" by Ween; Manager: He is one

===A little Background info:
=== Levar Burton is more often a manager, but dons the tights every now and then to slap some sense into some retards. He wears his Geordi LaForge visor from Star Trek TNG. If his visor comes off, he can't see worth jack shit. He is a smart wrestler, and makes few mistakes. I don't know if he even belongs here.

Aixelsyd (dyslexia spelled backwards); 5'7", 200 lbs.; Hometown: Mexico City; Finisher: The Remedial Wrap; music: Theme from "Reading Rainbow"; Manager: Levar Burton

===A little Background info:
===A short, obese, Mexican guy who wears a bright green shirt, which reads "Advanced Dungeons and Dragons is better than Regular Dungeons and Dragons". His finisher, the Remedial Wrap, is a hold where he puts his opponent in a headlock and wraps his legs around the man's torso. He falls back and drives him into the mat.

Oingo Boingo, The Three Armed Boy; 5'9", 135 lbs.; Hometown: Unknown; Finisher: Triple Arm DDT; music: "I'm A Three Armed Boy" his own theme music from the circus; Manager: Tripod the Three Legged Dog

===A little Background info:
=== Oingo Boingo has 3 arms, his third arm located on top of his right shoulder. Oingo Boingo was sold at birth by his parents to the Circus because he had three arms and his parents did not want a freak show baby. He was part of the freakshow at the circus for a long time, but he spent his whole life in a cage, and was greatly mistreated. He dreamed of escaping his whole life and when he finally broke out, he came to the WRW. His finisher is the devestating Triple Arm DDT. Tripod, the three legged dog, has been with him ever since he became a part of the circus. Tripod is Oingo Boingo's manager and only friend.

Crash Test Charlie; 5'4", 112 lbs.; Hometown: Germany; Finisher: The Steering Wheel Bash; music: "Crash" by the Dave Matthews Band;

===A little Background info:
=== Crash Test Charlie was a German car company's "dirty little secret". The company had been messing with gene manipulation and cloning in the early eighties in order to make the ultimate clones. These clones were exactly the size of an average human, so they could have perfectly accurate crash test results in order to make the perfect car. So they made Project Cloned Kid, codenamed "Crash Test Charlie" was raised in a lab, and he was tutored just like a normal boy. He learned a lot, mostly about car safety. He was also constantly being used for crash tests which also meant being hit with airbags countless times. Needless to say, this left him with severe brain damage and facial disfiguration. In one crash test, something went horribly wrong, and Charlie's entire left half of his body was crushed. Everyone was sure that he would die, and they didn't really care since Charlie wasn't really a person. The owner of the company took pity on the poor boy because his genes were used to make the clone, and he felt like crash test Charlie was kind of his son. So the owner made the lab scientists fix poor charlie. They replaced the entire left half of his body with parts from a plastic crash test dummy. After the scientists fixed him, they let him go because they couldnt ever use him for accurate testing anymore.

The Epileptic Warrior; 5'10", 185 lbs.; Hometown: Korumburra, Australia; finisher: The Fit; music: "Shake, Rattle and Roll" by Bill Haley and the Comets; Manager: Doctor Ben Dover

===A little Background info:
===His manager uses a strobe light to set off a fit when he is in trouble. During his fits he is virtually unpinnable, almost always kicking out on the count of one. During his finisher, he has an epileptic fit and just hits his opponent with his wild thrashing. He comes to the ring and shakes the ropes imitating an epileptic fit, just like his idol, The Ultimate Warrior. He wears arm bands and face paint to emulate his hero.

Anna Rexia; 5'10", 85 lbs.; Hometown: Korumburra, Australia; finisher: The Bulimic Return; music: "The Puking Song" by the Dead Milkmen; Manager: Dr. Ben Dover

===A little Background info:
===Often is found tagging with The Epileptic Warrior. Her finisher "The Bulimic Return", finds her bringing up anything she just ate before the match all over her opponent. She much resembles many small twigs and branches you find in the woods. If she stands sideways and sticks her tongue out, she looks like a zipper. Doesn't care to eat all that much.

Impotent Ernie; 5'4", 110 lbs.; Hometown: Ten Mile, Oregon; finisher: Early Withdrawal; music: "Come With Me" by Puff Daddy

===A little Background info:
===He's a real short guy and pretty skinny. He's the type of guy you'd expect to see getting excited over the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. But sadly, Ernie can't get it up; he's never even had an erection. He's just a plain, horny young guy If he wrestled a girl, he probably wouldn't try to kick out of a pin, cuz he's close to breasts.

Oldberg; 6',185 lbs.; Hometown: Miami Village Retirement Home; finisher: In My Days; music: Anything Old;

===A little Background info:
===He is bald, with a withered wrinkled body. He is 102 - 0 years old. He walks via a steel walker with a slow shuffling step. His finisher, In My days, He traps his opponent in the corner and tells him how things were always tougher and better in his days. He talks on and on and soon puts his opponent to sleep. Oldberg was a former football player who decided to come out of retirement and enter wrestling, after seeing the success of another former football player in the sport. His ring entrance is he walks out and stands between two sparklers getting showered with the sparks. He then breathes out the smoke and has a wheezing Asthma attack.

Mr. Speck; 5'5", 137 lbs.;Hometown: Star Trek Conventions across America; finisher: Set To Kill; music: "Star Trek Theme Song"; manager: Captain Pic'Nose

===A little Background info:
===Mr. Speck wrestles in a shirt that reads "Star Trek: Super Convention 1992". He wears fake ears and hair piece that falls off during interviews. He wears a toy star trek communicator that when it is touched says "Fire croton's!", "Is that your phaser or are you just happy to see me", and "Set to SPAM!!!!!" He always comes down with Captain Pic'Nose, and everytime he turns his back to him he starts picking his nose. He usually comes out with a bloody nose or will start one in the middle of his roleplays. And before he leaves he always says "live long and prosper.." and tries to get his fingers to work but throws a tantrum when they don't.

The Buffoon; 5'11", 180 lbs.; Hometown: Baton Rouge, Louisiana; Finisher: Medium Pace sharpshooter; Music: "Mr. Bake-O" by Adam Sandler

===A little Background info:
===The Buffoon has black hair and wears a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, with an unbuttoned flannel shirt over it. He also wears a yellow toboggan. He's always answering questions the wrong way. And he is always looking for girls.

Fighting Fury; 6'1", 495 lbs.; Hometown: Fat County, USA; Finisher: The King Dong Avalanche; Music: "Fat" by Wierd Al Yankovic

===A little Background info:
===A very VERY fat wrestler with very little actual wrestling skill. He is very difficult to knock down, and even more difficult to get back up. He is always followed by his loyal army of cooks. Fighting Fury gets out of breath easily, and will eat anything. His favorite saying is "Oh it's time...it's time...it's KING DONG time...."

MeanWooo ByGodJean; 6'8", 400 lbs.; Hometown: Hickville USA; Finisher: The Figure Four Leglock; Music: "Jail House Rock" by Elvis Presley

===A little Background info:
===Rapidly aging wrestler. Muscle has turned to flab. His golden peroxide dyed hair is thinning. His skin is wrinkling terribly. He simply refuses to retire. He enjoys saying "Wooooooo", as well.

Val Venus Flytrap; 2'2", 5 lbs. in pot, 30 oz. not in pot; Hometown: The Greenhouse; Finisher: The Flytrap; Music: Tribal Plant music

===A little Background info:
===He's a flytrap. You know, you've seen them before on the Discovery channel. Like Audrey II from the Little Shop of Horrors. His finisher is similar to a clawhold where he clamps on body parts with his strong plant jaw.

"Serious Relief" David Cormier; 6"3, 238 lbs.; Hometown: Lafayette, Louisiana; Finisher: Cockfighter's Crunch (Enzuigiri Kick); Music: "Born on the Bayou" by CCR; Tag Partner: Olga Piddledonna; Manager: Delilah J. Dingbat VIII

===A little Background info:
===He's a slightly-geeky looking guy in green tights that say "DC" on the back and an oversized mullet. Cormier is a former serious wrestler who stank. Now he still can't wrestle all that well, does badly-timed martial arts, and spouts off about the unfunniest things. He and Olga's team is named "Banned in MCW". These two happen to be the MCW president's most hated wrestlers of all time.

Olga Piddledonna; 5'3", N/A; Hometown: Parts Unknown, Oklahoma; Finisher: The Parts Unknown Pull armbar; Music: "Brass in Pocket" by The Pretenders; Tag Partner: David Cormier; Manager: Delilah J. Dingbat VIII

===A little Background info:
===She's a short, dark-haired, absolutely BURLY!!! woman. She credits this burlyness to Hogan's Magic Hulk-Up Dust, which also makes her highly unstable. Her finisher, The Parts Unknown Pull, has been known to make her opponents scream "AUNT!!!" She tends to think she's both Hulk Hogan and Chris Candido at odd points, and she was once in MCW and feuded with FHB.

Judge; 6'8", 378lbs.; Hometown: Coney Island; Finisher: The Hung Jury (Diving headbutt to the nutsack); Music: "Pop Goes the Weasel"; Tag Partner: The Bailiff; Manager: Officer Ludwig Offendanger

===A little Background info:
=== He wears a black mask, black pants and black boots. The words "I am above the Law" are tattooed on his left arm. A once judge in Coney Island, Judge was a respected citizen until he thought he could be above the law. Trying to take out the trash he got a bit of brain damage after he was hit by a baseball bat and ever since then, he and his ex-court bailiff, the Bailiff, try to destroy everything they hate, so what they hate is bad.

The Bailiff; 6'5", 214lbs; Hometown: Coney Island; Finisher: The Arrest armbar; Music: "Man Who Shot Liberty Valance" by Regurgitator

===A little Background info:
===Wears a bailiff or police uniform, what a normal court bailiff wears. The Bailiff is just Judge's tag-team partner and his gimmick is covered in Judge's gimmick. The tag team will be called "The Justice League". And the finisher of the two is Judge holds them in the air and the Bailiff hits them with a flying clothesline.