TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR CO-WORKER IS A COMPUTER HACKER...

1)You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was for $20,000.
2)He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes 3 years running.
3)When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.
4)Seems strangely calm whenever the office computer network goes down.
5)Somehow gets HBO on his PC at work.
6)Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net."
7)Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
8)His video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among hobbies.
9)When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President."
10)You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now, Professor I-Don't-Give-A's-In-Computer-Science!"




Top Ten Signs That You've Bought a Cheap Car......

1)Your tinted windows are also known as Hefty Garbage Bags.
2)The car reaches its optimum speed when going downhill.
3)The hi-tech stereo system often requires a new needle.
4)The rear-view mirror says, "Objects in Mirror Are Better Than This Piece of Junk."
5)The odometer on the dashboard is not as sophisticated as the everyday abacus.
6)Traffic Watch warns other drivers what highway you're taking.
7)The sticker on the windshield says, "Batteries Not Included."
8)You fill up the tank with Unleaded Coals.
9)You can only go to restaurants that offer Valet Pushing.
10)When you pass hitchhikers, they put their thumbs down.