ICBINR Regional News

     "The gentlemen who entered the ring with Mr. Hunter were most assuredly NOT Oklahoma City policemen," said OCPD Sergeant Shane Langdon. Langdon said the discovery came after Matthews' tag team partner Sal DeFazio came to bail out his Arsenal partners."He came in quite upset. We eventually were able to calm him down and have him tell us what happened. Mr. Hunter apparently coerced the gentlemen we have in custody now to impersonate police officers, which as you know is a crime."

     After DeFazio told them what happened, Langdon said an APB was issued. The men, who Hunter apparently paid with pornography magazines and a five minute "Best of the Freedom Brigade" compilation video, had stopped at a diner called "Meat & Stuff" just inside the Oklahoma City city limits. "The men are being held at our offices for further questioning," Langdon said. "Most can't speak coherently, which makes it difficult. But we are hoping to find out what exactly occurred to get them to pull such a stupid stunt."

     Hunter apparently had first attempted to get Langdon's department to help him. "He came in here spewing some paragon of whatever crap and waving one a them little journals around, saying it was some rulebook," Deputy Lance Weedlin said. "We had no idea what he was cryin' bout, but then Sarge looked at the journal and said it was written in pencil so he doubted its authericity or somethin'."

     "What these men did was a serious offense," Langdon explained. "Impersonating a police officer is worth jail time. Also, two of the men he apparently hired were 17, which makes Mr. Hunter guilty of contributing to the delinquency of a minor."

     "He was a scrawny fella," Weedlin exclaimed. "He kept cryin Lionheart or something the whole time we were ushering him out of the precinct. That boy needs some psychiatric evaluatin'."

     Matthews and Williams were unharmed by the assailants, and were released without any detainment. "Mr. Matthews was quite upset but handled himself well, given the circumstances" Langdon said. "But Mr. Williams had a look of bad intentions on his face when we got there. My men had to control him. He was on the verge of doing some VERY bad things." "I will tell you this much. With what he did, Mr. Hunter will have some serious questions to answer when the GPWA comes back to Oklahoma City," Langdon concluded.

     Mr. Musfurter had this to say. "The hearts of all the members of the Great Plains Wrestling Alliance goes out to the people that lost their homes and their loved ones here on that terrible day. These people have been there for us through thick and thin. Without them, and their support. Our employees would not be able to do the job that they all love so much and provide for their families while doing it. We feel like this is the least we can do for them in return.".

     "We want television back the way it was," Selma explained. "It's not that we object to pro wrestling entirely, we just want it to clean up its subject matter." In fact, many of Selma's blue-haired friends were big wrestling fans back in their day. "I saw 'Golden Boy' Skippy McGrudge hit the Golden Shower on Herr Meanie in 1948 to win the West Texas Bastard-weight Championship. Back then, if a wrestler didn't weigh at least 375lbs, we demanded our 15 cents back," says Beatrice Kazinski.

     Things have changed, in their eyes, though. Selma sites the Great Plains Wrestling Alliance, in particular, as being responsible for the decay in the moral fabric of society. "Trash. Pure trash. Men beating each other senseless. Women parading around in skimpy outfits. Unacceptable!"

     The Citizens League for Interference in Television has taken their case straight to the head of ICBINR, the GPWA's parent organization, Chairman of the Board Roger Stillwell. The GPWA has yet to announce an official position but Chairman Stillwell did have something to say in response to the widespread criticism. "Well, I haven't been there before, but I hear the view is incredible." Of course, it could be argued that President Stillwell misheard the question over the cellular phone static.

     One thing is certain though. Selma and her organization are going to take whatever steps necessary to make sure the Great Plains Wrestling Alliance does not return to Topeka, Kansas ever again. Whether or not the popular regional federation returns again is anyone's guess, but if they do, you can bet that they'll have to get past Selma and her girls first.

     In a statement released by ICBINR Wrestling Promotions of Oklahoma City, the tournament will go on as scheduled and extra security has been hired for the event.

     Detective Reginald Rosseau, an inspector for the FBI, believes that the people behind the shooting of President Stritar may attempt to somehow disrupt the event.

     "I'm not at liberty to discuss how we know this," says the Detective, "But let's just say that the person who shot Mark Stritar was never caught and we have reason to believe that he or they may try to somehow desecrate the memory of the GIWF president at this memorial tournament."

     GIWF President Mark Stritar was shot and wounded approximately two years ago during an episode of Weekly War. While the President did survive the shooting, it was considered by many people to be the beginning of the end of the GIWF.

     No additional information was available at press time.

     Emerald was unavailable for comment and GPWA officials are remaining tight lipped on the retirement for the most part but GPWA V.P of Operations, Trent Musfurter, said that Jack had some personal problems he needed to deal with.

     I stand 100% behind Tony Murrain on this matter. Nate McManus is one of the hottest stars in the IOWA today but I hope that the action that Tony Murrain took against him sends out strong a message to all the stars in the IOWA. We will not tolerate attacks on staff members.

"We went way beyond our means this year with special effects and an aggressive advertising campaign in the central Oklahoma area for our end of the year event. Even though we sold out the show we were unable to cover our costs of the event. Our intent is to please the fans and to give them an inexpensive source of entertainment. We can't continue to do that with some of the props and special effects that our wrestlers choose to make their arena entrances with currently."

     Sources from within the ICBINR offices reported that the exploding volcano that the Iowa Onslaught Wrestling Alliance wrestler known as Vesuvius used cost the organization over $15,000.00. This reporter has to wonder if the ICBINR learned anything from their 1996 fiasco where they had to file bankruptcy after trying to promote an Australian event.

     Trent Musfurter released the following statement later in the afternoon.

"Jack Emerald has been in the thoughts and prayers of every GPWA employee and fan since his injury at On The Road. We regret the pain and suffering that his family must have endured through the holiday season and we wish him a speedy recovery and return to the ring as his presence will be greatly missed."

     We asked Trent Musfurter if the GPWA would be extending Jack Emeralds contract, which expires in February, and he replied "Unfortunately, no, we will not be able to extend Mr. Emerald's contract if he is unable to return to the ring in February. However, as soon as the doctors clear Jack Emerald to return to the ring. The GPWA will have an open contract ready and available for him.".

     Jack Emerald was unavailable for comment.

     "We think that professional wrestling is bad for children. Violence is violence." When asked for specific problems with the up-and-coming wrestling promotion, Selma had plenty to say. "There is a wrestler named the Violent Librarian. We think this sets a bad precedent for the image of librarians everywhere," she explained. "I've known many librarians in my lifetime and none of them have ever been violent." When asked if she had similar opinions about the Mad Accountant and Rabid Reverend, she had no idea who they were but was shocked at the idea of a reverend being rabid. "I've known many reverends in my lifetime and only about half of them ended up being sick, perverts."

     Librarians and reverends weren't the only professions Selma was trying to save. She isn't fond of the way the GPWA presents women either. "There is a young lady who is supposed to be a personal assistant to one of the wrestlers," Selma said referring to the GPWA's resident honey, Miss Tiffany. "It tells young girls that they have to be submissive to men and wear short skirts and bend over a lot." Selma didn't say exactly what the GPWA could do to change that image but was quick to conclude her thought. "Firm, ample breasts don't belong on my television."

     V.P. of Operations Trent Musfurter couldn't be reached for comment but the wrestler known as "Violence" Jack Robinson had this to say to the wrestling critics after the show concluded. "If they don't like it, they can go [expletive deleted] themselves!"

     ICBINR Chairman of the Board, Roger Stillwell, was available for comment and had the following to say "This is a big step towards the ICBINR regaining it's status as a world-wide promotion. We were having to buy time on local cable access stations. That made it hard for the ICBINR fans to find us.". He also had this to say about DiStevio Communications "DiStevio Communications is a young and agressive business as is the ICBINR and we are proud to be associated with them.".

     In the main event of the evening. The reigning Great Plains Heavyweight Champion, The Angry Chef, retained his belt after defeating first, Commander Cody, and then the #1 Contender, Jack Emerald.