fight

rushes off to save attractive young woman from fate worse than death at hands of savages

"wish me luck" - and with that, sherriff bobbins exits left, turns and walks wearily accross the dusty town towards the OK Corral. see you all later!

runs off to organise possee

If you don't want her, can I have her?

johnny falls from fafter on Mr. Minogue, rendering him unconcious. johnny steals his money, boots, and guns and drags him to the stable where a very frisky mule shows excitement

XWP - hahahahaha!
Clovis - sod that plastic barbie-girl

... but what about the poor innocent girl captured by the Sioux...

gunslinger!

I'll get me coat (long, black easy to hide a shotgun under)

Then Mr Minogue, the 7 foot 7inche father of Kylie walks throuhg the saloon doors. 'Anyone seen my little girl?' he asks

...unlike sherriff bobbins

....but is having too much fun peering through the gaol window, watching sheriff bobbs administer a firm seeing to to that kylie chick to give a f.uck

rancher satch relaises that the evil land baron has diveretd the course of the only local river whilst everybody has been fighting . His cows are dying and his barns a burnin'

Stone Cold Steve Austin gets the Undertaker in a headlock

Undertaker hides in case sheriff calls for a possee

ego power trips - that's what fighting on screen does to you...

Kylie tries to enlist sherriff BillyBobbins in her attmept to free her sister from the Sioux who have her at theri reservation

Having pulled flatfoot out from under his desk, fnord hides there himself. And wonders why everyone talks about themselves in the third person.

(throws punch)

"bugger, there goes another Ben Sherman!"

I'm not telling Miss Kylie that "we're throo-oo ooh-ooh waah a a a aaahaah" XWP - far from it, more like I'm shocked by the power

Undertaker runs off to phone plastic surgeon for flatfoot

In walks Alan partidge and strats to sing 'Take a pinch of white man...'

[starts aiming for the face]

not the face! not the face!

(sorry, didn't realise the fight was compulsory)
fnord, at gun point, finds the smallest person in the bar (ooh, let's say flatfoot) and halfheartedly lays into him.

johnny throws up on him from the rafters

Is this brawl going to go on much longer, my knees are killing me.

Man in suit of armour carrying rubber chicken enters

"sing! sing a song!"

As Fnord tries to run out, Clovis walks in, and, gun in hand, marches him back into saloon.

suddenly, everybody stops and asks why they are fightening. A wave of love laps over them and they begin to sing

fnord arrives an hour late, finds all the tables already have people hiding under them, and panics.

barfs??

tangled in the beams of the ceiling and dizzy, johnny barfs down onto Simon

kylie gets sherif to put his hand on her ehart and tel her

[noise of cork alerts Simon to johnny's presence. Picks Johnny up by ankles, swings round several times, then hurls through open air vent in the roof]

hidden by shadows in the corner, johnny uncorks his second bottle and fondles his colt revolver

sheee-it. Too late. she's gone.

Dick Emery asks to be measured.
Undertaker runs out

Undertaker runs back in to measure up Kylie for sheer fun of it even though she aint dead

Sheriff bobbins arrests her, handcuffs her and takes her to gaol. Which just happens to be deserted, and has a lock on the door.

entertainer

Kylie, the local town *ehem* entertain swans into the bar and over to sherrif bobbins

Undertaker runs in to see if there's anyone to measure up, then runs out again before he gets hit by flying debris.

bobbins forced to take job as lush sherriff and/or Mayor

johnny saunters in the saloon and surveys the damage. then walks to the bar and begins stuffing whiskey bottles in his coat pockets

(bobbins gets another job from out placement agency - starts calculating again - back to square one)

more like.

exploding ears; now, there's a good name for a sweet

(bobbins goes to big important presentation at 4 o'clock - dreadful miscalculation in numbers, ear explodes, falls asleep snoring on desk, gets fired, gets a life)

"It'll be two hits bobbins - I'll hit you, you hit the ground"

(drawls Markie)

bar room cheers and people shout yeeeee haaaaaaaaar

Markie bursts out laughing

Bobbins goes to sleep, muttering about yields in Hong Kong

(bobbins shoots Kenny Rodgers with last bullet)

In walks Kenny Rodgers

bobbs knows what you're thinkin' Markie. Has he fired six shots or only five? The truth is........

(Markie kicks weapon from bobbins hands - bobbins looks up - sleep starved - Fresh Markie throws punch...)

do you feel lucky Markie? (hand rests on extremely large weapon)

you look tired bobs

he's the man with no ears

hahaha

My names Winton and I'm from outta town

(bobbins peers from behind a pillar)

Camp lad wearing an outrageously fey outfit sashays through the swing doors.

"What's going on here?"

(speaking of which, I really must go and write some reviews, can we finish this little tiff off later?)

twang!!!!

*tumbleweed*

I hear you is a writin' man flatfoot. Well, this town only has one journal. That would be mine. I'd say you is in the wrong town.........

(maracas shake in the distance. A rattle snake hisses)

"Is someone talking to me?" flatfoot inquires, peering through his fingers of one hand, while holding a rolled up copy of 4-4-2 in the other...

Screw yourself copper! You'll never take flatfoot alive!!!

(hang on, have we jumped 100 years into the future or sommat?)

This is the police! Everyone outside with your hands up!

Aha flatfoot. I've been expecting you. This site ain't big enough for the both of us........

(unleashes machine-gun like volley of pus from earlobe all over Satch)

charges back in through the swing doors, punches Satch, picks him up and hurls him down the length of the bar. Satch flies off the wnd of the bar and lands in the piano (clunk).

Blowers wipes hands, takes off his hat, dusts it down replaces on his head and drinks satch's sasperella.

I don't see a girl

flatfoot hotfoots it to the nearest table and hides therein...

in swaggers a stranger and says 'get your hands off my girl.'

yeeeeeha!

(throws Blof at swing doors, orders sasperella from bar)

donna smashes sugar glass bottle over si's head. Si turns around and glowers

is this a western bar room brawl. If so, someone can throw me at the swing doors, you have my permission.

[throws bar stool at XWP]

now you're talkin'

(Performs 'Crane' technique kick like Daniel in Karate Kid)

hahahaha; missed

(throws punch)

just to liven things up like