21/5/02 11:38 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun "Hi Paul is Adrian feeling any better today?" |
20/5/02 14:41 |
PWX hehehehe |
20/5/02 14:32 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun "Oh hi Paul someone has entered you in the Ragga Radio we phone you quiz you're live on air" |
20/5/02 13:15 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun "He keeps repeating the Mantra - sorrywrongnumbersorrywrongnumbersorrywrongnumber - has anything unusual happened at work recently" |
20/5/02 13:14 |
Dan "Adrian is showing signs of forcible penetration and repeated muttered 'Paul, stop it' whilst under aneasthetic |
20/5/02 13:12 |
Margate Mardy
hehehehe. |
20/5/02 13:11 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun "Hi Paul - this is Doctor White, Adrian's doctor - can you tell me does he get lots of free coffee with his job" |
20/5/02 12:56 |
Markie thats true Sharon - we all pretended to be football hooligans invading a cricket match |
20/5/02 12:54 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Adrian aint in today - just asked for him - dunno if Paul is bluffing or if maybe Adrian's got stress or summink |
17/5/02 17:56 |
Sharoncom Hehe, this thread is still good. Actually the first messageboard to get 'B&Qed' was the Grauniad's cricket board. |
17/5/02 17:41 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Hi Paul this is Adrian - milk two sugars please |
17/5/02 16:51 |
Markie HAHAHAHA |
17/5/02 16:50 |
jean pierre papin "Hi can i speak to Adrian" "I'm sorry we cant transfer calls to specific people" "Ok, well how do you take yours then?" "Take my what? " "Tea" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA |
17/5/02 16:48 |
Markie we had quite a good duo with 'Rod Hull' and 'Emu' - where Emu started beating up Rod for doing crap DIY when he put his arial on his roof then of, course, it went downhill when Emu fell on Rod Hull, killing him outright under a pile of bricks and chimney and arial. two days later, the phone rang in my office..... |
17/5/02 16:42 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun I can't remember the specifics - tree - give Paul a bell |
17/5/02 16:39 |
jean pierre papin i've only just really read this thread. hehehe. good work everyone! tel is genius here...hahahaha. i'm laughing out loud at this... 17/5/02 14:11 I just copied everything he said, he didnt hang up for at least 3 minutes, haha!!!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I'm sorry we cant transfer calls to specific people" "Ok, well how do you take yours then?" "Take my what? " "Tea" Hung up!!!!!!!! |
17/5/02 16:37 |
jean pierre papin i can't remember anything i posted on th b&q board actually. refresh me? it was expletiveing funny though. they were all such drynecks! |
17/5/02 16:29 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun "So someone from our work is suggesting that you can lag pipes with dead cats on your DIY forum - dear oh dear - he's in big trouble" |
17/5/02 16:27 |
Markie B&Q was a hurter later I got a call from a bloke at B&Q who has tracked the posts - wanted to speak to the bloke who ran the internet - at the time, it was me, so I blagged my way out of it. |
17/5/02 15:11 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun I have to disagree - I think the B&Q one was better - tree was on fire with his DIY solutions |
17/5/02 15:10 |
Cyril is it like the best thread ever or do you mean it is the best thread ever though jack? |
17/5/02 15:08 |
Jack Rudd Hehehe. This is like the best thread ever! Put it on Best Of! |
17/5/02 15:07 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun erm . . . . actually . . erm . . . I wrote to Kimberley Clarke once |
17/5/02 15:06 |
La Epoca Azul de Moneł You're right Pins, and I regret doing it now. Apologise on my behalf, would you? |
17/5/02 15:06 |
pins worse than a shitty bit of bark? Jeeezzzzz. She had dirty nappies sent in the post too |
17/5/02 15:06 |
Margate Mardy Could be much worse pins, I have found your tissue to be insufficiently absorbent..blah blah blah...whilst having a tug the other day....enclosed is the tissue for your inspection..... |
17/5/02 15:02 |
pins WHAT KIND OF expletiveED UP FREAK DOES THAT???? |
17/5/02 15:01 |
pins oh, and my absolute favourite story. *Picture my mate sitting at her desk opening post and holding the top right hand corner of the letter as she reads it* Dear Sir/Madam I'm writing to complain about your deluxe toilet tissue....blah blah blah....I used your product the other day and whilst wiping it caused me to cut myself and bleed. The tissue contained a small piece of bark in it that cut my skin...blah blah blah....I have attached the piece of bark to the top right of the letter for your examination" *picture my friend throwing letter across the room* |
17/5/02 14:57 |
pins hehe, you could |
17/5/02 14:57 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Could phone them up and pretend to be headhunting them for the Kimberley Clarke line |
17/5/02 14:56 |
pins oh and some man wanting to know how absorbant the tissues were for soaking up spunk |
17/5/02 14:56 |
pins why don't you phone them up and ask them? |
17/5/02 14:54 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Christ - wonder what Adrian and Paul would make of that |
17/5/02 14:50 |
pins like men asking if they did adult sized nappies, some old woman that had put a mask on and called the police because she was convinced the dusk in her tissues was cocaine and she'd breathe it in |
17/5/02 14:44 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun what like pinhead? |
17/5/02 14:16 |
Cyril Do you think they are all sat in one room, pooling their coffee know-how? |
17/5/02 14:16 |
pins did i ever tell you the stories about my friend who worked on the Kimberley Clarke helpline? She had some frightening calls. Probably from a load of 40%ers |
17/5/02 14:15 |
Dan this is like an exercse in keynesian economic theory |
17/5/02 14:14 |
bobbins how do you take yours! hahahahaha |
17/5/02 14:14 |
Steph007 There clones!!!!!!!!!! |
17/5/02 14:14 |
pins THERE'S THOUSANDS OF THEM THEY'RE BREEDING |
17/5/02 14:13 |
Markie THATS FOUR! |
17/5/02 14:13 |
Cyril Kevin! See they've taken on extra staff due to a surge in demand. |
17/5/02 14:11 |
Steph007 I just spoke to a guy called Kevin, I just copied everything he said, he didnt hang up for at least 3 minutes, haha!!!!! |
17/5/02 14:10 |
Bowyer hehehehe |
17/5/02 14:09 |
tankgirl hehehe, 007! |
17/5/02 14:07 |
gladney Excellent! |
17/5/02 14:06 |
Steph007 "Hi can i speak to Adrian" "I'm sorry we cant transfer calls to specific people" "Ok, well how do you take yours then?" "Take my what? " "Tea" Hung up!!!!!!!! |
17/5/02 14:04 |
Cyril "I've just spilled boiling coffee on my hand and I think my skin has reacted to it. Should I switch to another brand?" |
17/5/02 14:03 |
bobbins hehehehe |
17/5/02 14:02 |
gladney Well done!! Now try Adrian |
17/5/02 13:59 |
Steph007 i just rang and had a chat with the nice Paul - i asked him what they give advice on! - he said Kenkco Coffee. He said he has been getting lots of prank calls, and it's not nice as sometimes these calls are important. I asked why important , and he said reactions to it and ingrediants. so there i had a nice conversation! |
17/5/02 13:59 |
gladney oops wrong thread |
17/5/02 13:58 |
gladney I cannot die |
17/5/02 13:56 |
bobbins go on then gladney |
17/5/02 13:55 |
gladney someone |
17/5/02 13:55 |
gladney can't some engage them in a conversation? There are mere ciphers |
17/5/02 13:53 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun If so get a vocoder and phone them up |
17/5/02 13:45 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Do they have helplines |
17/5/02 13:44 |
BusStop hehe shaun ive often considered phoning one of the tobacco companies and asking them how I can use their product without killing myself |
17/5/02 13:44 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun I think the "again" may have blown my cover a bit |
17/5/02 13:43 |
Dan ask him if you can inject kenco as a quick caffeine boost |
17/5/02 13:42 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun I was going to ask if they sell Kenco Toothkind, but degenerated into a sniggered sheepish "Wrong number again" |
17/5/02 13:41 |
Dan ask him about the old fella they torched in a pub |
17/5/02 13:34 |
gladney what did you say to him? |
17/5/02 13:33 |
pins hehe. you still going? |
17/5/02 13:33 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Just got Paul again - he sounds positively jaded |
17/5/02 12:04 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun hooligan.net |
17/5/02 11:46 |
Bowyer hehehehe which sites you been looking at shaun? |
17/5/02 11:43 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Just had a look for hoolie sites - there are f**kin loads There are some hilarious posts where it's obviously a copper trying to catch them out. "Yeah I is a Forest fan an I is really gettin into bein a hoolie - who is your top boy and where do you meet?" was the gist of one post |
17/5/02 11:25 |
gladney Don't give him the pleasure. He's a disgrace to CUFC |
17/5/02 11:04 |
Dan I read his book |
17/5/02 11:03 |
fnord@work it was www.pauldodd.com, but I don't think it;s there any more |
17/5/02 10:52 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun what's the address |
17/5/02 10:37 |
fnord@work the footy hoolie type who had his own message board full of meatheads |
17/5/02 10:12 |
bobbins
|
17/5/02 10:11 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun who? |
17/5/02 10:08 |
fnord@work is Paul Dodd still around? There's a twat that needs b&qing again, or maybe the Millwall site |
17/5/02 10:08 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun is there a chat forum at the Daily Mail? |
17/5/02 10:08 |
pins heheh tree |
17/5/02 10:07 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun hehehe |
17/5/02 10:07 |
fnord@work
and numerous American football sites |
17/5/02 10:07 |
Margate Mardy Can't we have a crack at the Daily Mail? |
17/5/02 10:07 |
jean pierre papin i remember that. there were lots of characters called things like 'white pride' - so i went on as Mr. Homepride and kept posting pics of the little homepride guy and talking about how the real problem facing the aryan race was the lack of quality cook-in sauces available nowadays |
17/5/02 10:06 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun We did a white supremacists site at about the same time |
17/5/02 10:04 |
Steph007 pz - less of the student - i'm a proper worker now! - for a few more months anyhow! |
17/5/02 09:55 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun It was a DIY forum - some 40%ers asked about increasingly ridiculous problems whilst others gave increasingly ridiculous solutions to genuine problems. They eventually cottonned on and the forum was shut down |
17/5/02 09:27 |
black-b those were the days... |
17/5/02 09:26 |
Margate Mardy There was also a thread about it in the last couple of days, I think. |
17/5/02 09:24 |
pz It's here. Student. |
17/5/02 09:22 |
whojamaflip dunno, was before my time. The legend is a bit lacking in detail. I think it was when the "original" 40%ers were on a recruitment drive, and posted up the link to the site on loads of message boards. The B&Q site got hit a lot, with daft messages as well - the posts were traced back and legal action was threatened Of course I could be totally wrong |
17/5/02 09:15 |
Steph007 Whoj - can you give me a breif synopsis on what occured then? |
17/5/02 09:12 |
whojamaflip 'twas a long time ago, lost in the mist of time, now a legend amongst 40% |
17/5/02 09:11 |
Steph007 This B&Q thread - were is it? |
17/5/02 09:10 |
Pieguts "I've spilled all my coffee granules reading your phone number on the jar." Heh heh Nice one Cyril, nice one son. |
17/5/02 09:06 |
Steph007 This is the funniest thing i have ever thread! |
17/5/02 09:04 |
Getty HAHAHAHA |
17/5/02 09:03 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun "Yeah I'm running away - I gave her a false name and number - thanks for your help" |
17/5/02 09:03 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun "Shit it's split - what do I do now" |
17/5/02 09:00 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun "Yep, I'm rubbing her tits now" |
17/5/02 08:59 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun "OK I've got the johnny on, what do I do next" |
17/5/02 08:59 |
Bowyer hehehehe durex? |
17/5/02 08:58 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Do all products have helplines - Tampax? |
17/5/02 08:56 |
Margate Mardy
Bet they were expletiveing dreading going into work this morning. |
17/5/02 08:55 |
Cyril congratulations to everyone who took part. |
17/5/02 08:51 |
pz wicked shaun |
17/5/02 08:47 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Oh shit "Morning Adrian, yeah it's the wrong number again" |
17/5/02 08:05 |
black-b excellent - a 40percent top thread |
17/5/02 08:01 |
Markie excellent stuff - I love this sort of thing. If you get tied up in this sort of thread as it happens you laugh so much it hurts. this is great I love - `I just got adrian, theres thousands of them!!!' HAHAHA |
17/5/02 04:41 |
Dougal hehehehe, I've got tears running down my cheeks (no,not all four of them) and everyone is the office is looking at me strangely... |
16/5/02 23:01 |
milkman_dan my sides really hurt now..this has excellent mischief potential.. |
16/5/02 21:54 |
PWX just tried to call, but remembered i am on the 'net. is it a 24hr line? |
16/5/02 21:10 |
fnord heheheh that'll brighten his night up |
16/5/02 21:09 |
Sharoncom D'you think he'll rub it in for me? |
16/5/02 21:06 |
Darryl_SE7 best call Ian and see if some Kenco will soothe it, then. |
16/5/02 21:04 |
Sharoncom Hehehe, my stomach hurts from laughing. |
16/5/02 20:55 |
Darryl_SE7 this thread is fantastic, I've just been rolling around in tears reading it... especially the PG Tips line. A long, long while ago, in another place, I challenged someone to tell me when Baileys was invented. They only went off and rang the Baileys careline (it was about 11pm!) and came back with the answer.... It was 1974. |
16/5/02 18:07 |
TomD *Awars Shaun the Order of the Golden Ferret*
|
16/5/02 18:00 |
TomD Absolute fooking genius. *Salutes Shaun* |
16/5/02 17:55 |
fnord@work "I've got a new coffee whitener Kenco might be interested in - I should be able to supply a gallon a week" |
16/5/02 17:52 |
La Epoca Azul de Moneł "Hi, I think I've come up with a new coffee drink idea. It's called 'Cuppatea?No!' and I was wondering if Kenco would be interested?" |
16/5/02 17:48 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Can I speak to Mr Kenco please |
16/5/02 17:48 |
mikyid one on top of the other to form a kind of ladder to god. |
16/5/02 17:46 |
fnord@work Ian! what's the best way to stack Kenco coffee jars on a shelf? |
16/5/02 17:45 |
mikyid please stop phoning me, i'm quite busy. |
16/5/02 17:35 |
fnord@work hahahahah! I'd ring this but I'm a coward and have the odd feeling they'd trace the call back to the office a la the original B&Q debacle |
16/5/02 17:34 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Mellow Burds ye mean |
16/5/02 17:33 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun hehehe |
16/5/02 17:31 |
La Epoca Azul de Moneł "Hi, is that the Mellow Birds customer service line? Hello? Hello? Ah, fook ya then" |
16/5/02 17:29 |
pins what are you saying to them, Azul? |
16/5/02 17:28 |
La Epoca Azul de Moneł Paul was really gritting his teeth just now. I think his boss must be in the room. |
16/5/02 17:27 |
morgan oh lord, I've jsut rung orm to tell him about this thread and I couldn't talk because I was giggling so much. |
16/5/02 17:24 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun I cannot speak when they pick it up |
16/5/02 17:23 |
pins has anyone atually said anything to these people yet? |
16/5/02 17:22 |
HLaS Hello, erm, this is embarasing, but I've got something stuck in one of your 25g jars |
16/5/02 17:21 |
Getty hahahaha |
16/5/02 17:15 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun "Hi Adrian I'm turtleheading" |
16/5/02 17:10 |
Margate Mardy Azul, you could send some absolute filth to that one. |
16/5/02 17:09 |
Margate Mardy http://www.kraftfoods.co.uk/kenco/careline.htm |
16/5/02 17:09 |
La Epoca Azul de Moneł "Want to share your Wheat Crunchies experience? E-mail us at: crunch@golden-wonder.co.uk" |
16/5/02 17:08 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun shite where is the site |
16/5/02 17:06 |
® Why is Kenco better than supermarket own brands? |
16/5/02 17:06 |
tankgirl ask them where your nearest stockist is of their Espresso Bean Grinder...(really, it's on their website which features a picture of one of their call centre coffee consultants!!!) |
16/5/02 17:06 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun even he must see the funny side of this |
16/5/02 17:06 |
andyp9 I've got me bloody boss sitting in a meeting on the other side of the frigging filing cabinets and he can here everything. |
16/5/02 17:05 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun I am a real customer tankie - I have two jars of Kenco in me desk |
16/5/02 17:05 |
® try not to giggle andy |
16/5/02 17:04 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Bastard - he just rung me up - he aint that pissed |
16/5/02 17:03 |
pins yeah, that'll do, andy. Go for it |
16/5/02 17:02 |
andyp9 sort of start off asking how much coffee is reasonable to have in an irish coffee etc.etc.? |
16/5/02 17:00 |
pins good idea tankie, someone better ask them a sensible (??) question |
16/5/02 17:00 |
andyp9 "your coffee, is it really strong, you know really really strong, like it'll clear your head, make you see clearly etc. etc. cos yer missus looks really good at the moment and I don't want to spoil it by sobering up, I just need some energy cos she's like an eel plugged into the mains." |
16/5/02 16:59 |
La Epoca Azul de Moneł Hehe... he's just picked up the phone and isn't saying anything... nothing... I can hear him swinging round on his chair... |
16/5/02 16:59 |
tankgirl next time one of them answers like that pretend to be a real customer and make them squirm.. |
16/5/02 16:58 |
Margate Mardy That's hardly 'care' is it Shaun. Moody bastards. |
16/5/02 16:58 |
Satch hehehhe excellent - a proper B&Q thread |
16/5/02 16:56 |
Margate Mardy
hehehehe Really Hlas? |
16/5/02 16:56 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun "Hello this is f**kin Ian - what do you want" |
16/5/02 16:56 |
HLaS conco expletiveee |
16/5/02 16:55 |
La Epoca Azul de Moneł "I just spilled hot coffee on my crotch and now my crotch is hot can you help you with my hot crotch Ian oh Ian my hot crotch GUH! never mind bye thank you bye" |
16/5/02 16:55 |
HLaS they've stopped giving out their real name now, just answered as Zarg, Destroyer of Mugs |
16/5/02 16:54 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun A weetabix helpline - nos please I'll piss meself if it's Adrian and Paul manning those too |
16/5/02 16:53 |
Bowyer and cornflakes |
16/5/02 16:53 |
Dan Walkers crisps have got one, so has weetabix. |
16/5/02 16:53 |
HLaS Am pissed - how much do I have to drink before I can go back on to the bridge and steer this fooking tanker? |
16/5/02 16:52 |
Bowyer good work |
16/5/02 16:52 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Mate's just texted me to say he's taken the afternoon off and he's pised in Camden - I've just texted him back with the Kenco helpline number. Hopefully he's pissed enough to ring it and have a chat with them |
16/5/02 16:51 |
La Epoca Azul de Moneł "Hi, is that Ian? Tell Paul that Adrian fancies him" |
16/5/02 16:51 |
HLaS
Kenco Cares! |
16/5/02 16:51 |
Satch heheheh PG Tips - hehehe |
16/5/02 16:51 |
Bowyer definately clovis |
16/5/02 16:50 |
® there must be loads of products with phone info lines methinks a new summer sport hath been discovered to keep 40% busy in the closed season |
16/5/02 16:50 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Oh dear god - I am sitting here sniggering |
16/5/02 16:50 |
Margate Mardy
If you look on the website, it's not just an information line, it's a 'careline' |
16/5/02 16:49 |
® 100 |
16/5/02 16:49 |
HLaS coffe drinking poofs |
16/5/02 16:49 |
Satch hehehehe |
16/5/02 16:49 |
HLaS In the absence of water do you advise eating instant or filter? |
16/5/02 16:48 |
bobbins
"Tell them you work for the PG Tips hotline and you'll be
|
16/5/02 16:48 |
HLaS I CANNE GET THE LID OFF THE NEXT JAR COS AM SHAKING |
16/5/02 16:48 |
Getty suspicious if they've any sense. |
16/5/02 16:48 |
Bowyer hahahaha getts |
16/5/02 16:48 |
HLaS he he he he I'm gonna ask em if they get a lot of crank calls |
16/5/02 16:48 |
bobbins could have been aidrian |
16/5/02 16:48 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun They must be really confused as to the sudden workload |
16/5/02 16:47 |
Getty ask them if they need to take five and have a coffee. |
16/5/02 16:47 |
HLaS they ignored me at first - listening for a snigger Iexpeck |
16/5/02 16:47 |
HLaS I just got Adrian too!!!! You could tell by the tone of his voice they were getting anoyed |
16/5/02 16:47 |
Getty whatcha mean, stopped talking? |
16/5/02 16:46 |
HLaS I'm on the phone to them now - they've stopped talking! |
16/5/02 16:46 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Bet they've started a f**kin recruitment drive after today |
16/5/02 16:45 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Maybe Bobbins didn't hear properly Bobbs - was it defo Ian - if so we have 3 of em |
16/5/02 16:45 |
Getty they must be rolling up their shirt sleeves at the other end. |
16/5/02 16:44 |
pins HAHAHAHA THERE'S THOUSANDS OF THEM!! Just got Adrian. hahahaha |
16/5/02 16:43 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun I've had Paul twice - no Ian |
16/5/02 16:38 |
HLaS he he he he he he he |
16/5/02 16:37 |
Dan Phone up Ian and tell him Paul said he was a c**t |
16/5/02 16:34 |
pins was it paul that answered again? Have we established there's only two of them? |
16/5/02 16:33 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Shit - just had to hang up - was gonna ask Paul if Ian was there but began sniggering |
16/5/02 16:28 |
HLaS is that when you fashion a string of anal beads from medium roast Quaquacha Beans? |
16/5/02 16:27 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Ask them what a Kenco 69 is? |
16/5/02 16:26 |
Getty posters? |
16/5/02 16:26 |
Dan we could be helping them achieve their monthly targets and helping them to get a bonus |
16/5/02 16:26 |
Cyril hehe shaun like that tv station switchboard on the simpsons. |
16/5/02 16:25 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Someone please speak to them |
16/5/02 16:25 |
Dan or the bint in the advert |
16/5/02 16:25 |
HLaS Ask them why that Kenco bird isn't really the MD |
16/5/02 16:25 |
Araneae have you posted up the posters? |
16/5/02 16:25 |
HLaS c'mon getty man, be strong |
16/5/02 16:25 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Bet Ian and Paul are shagged - they've had 2 calls today which is more than all of April |
16/5/02 16:24 |
HLaS I think you should do that Ara |
16/5/02 16:24 |
Cyril hehehe getty I'm almost sorry I've got to go home to miss the rest of this. |
16/5/02 16:24 |
Getty IT WAS FECKING ENGAGED!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA |
16/5/02 16:24 |
Araneae Ask them how much the people picking the beans get paid a week. |
16/5/02 16:24 |
Getty I tried and failed again. Everyone in the office keeps looking at me and asking what's so funny. *tries again* |
16/5/02 16:22 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Ian and Paul sound more like they were dot.com millionaires on paper 2 years ago |
16/5/02 16:21 |
HLaS go getty |
16/5/02 16:21 |
HLaS ask them why they don't do them really really expensive coffee beans that are eaten and passed by a jungle cat prior to use |
16/5/02 16:20 |
Dan do you reckon they have to do a 'part my chaps and oil my bumcrack' routine if calls come in on a differnt line? |
16/5/02 16:20 |
Paul Cannonville yeah - the stage after is attacking good mates for no apparent reason |
16/5/02 16:19 |
Getty I keep picking up the phone to ask them which of their coffees I should use for a Tiramisu and keep pissing myself halfway through dialling and then have to give up. Three times I've tried now. |
16/5/02 16:19 |
Dan do you reckon they would know what happens after the sweating / shaking / headache stage of taking too much coffee. there must be a higher point than that |
16/5/02 16:18 |
Paul Cannonville hehehe MM |
16/5/02 16:18 |
stanley Years ago Ian and Paul would have been miners or steel workers - and now look at them. Reduced to answering inane questions about coffee and cheese. Have pity! |
16/5/02 16:18 |
pins hehehe MM, that's the first thing that's made me laugh all afternoon |
16/5/02 16:17 |
Bowyer or Nescafe |
16/5/02 16:17 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun They sound very posh - it may well be satch who's used all his chances in life to scale the dizzy heights at Kenco |
16/5/02 16:16 |
Margate Mardy Tell them you work for the PG Tips hotline and you'll be waiting for them after work to give them a kicking. |
16/5/02 16:15 |
Bowyer You're all horrible. They're probably some poor sods who live in some deprived part of the UK and can't get any other jobs. You mean Newcastle? |
16/5/02 16:14 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Can you imagine getting chatted up by one of them stan |
16/5/02 16:14 |
tankgirl hehehe, stanley. bless. |
16/5/02 16:13 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun Just ask them if they want a coffee |
16/5/02 16:13 |
stanley You're all horrible. They're probably some poor sods who live in some deprived part of the UK and can't get any other jobs. And they probably have to answer loads of shitty questions on a range of Kraft products. Blue light comes on = kenco, red light = kraft slices, etc You mean sods! |
16/5/02 16:12 |
pz ask 'em if they know about Kofi Lembak from Indonesia - shat out by nocturnal civet cats, the world's most expensive and exclusive coffee (with a dictinctive strong chocolate taste, I'm told ...) |
16/5/02 16:12 |
Paul Cannonville ask if the manageress was any good. |
16/5/02 16:12 |
Margate Mardy
Right, so there's going to be 18 elementary Thai students phoning them up tomorrow morning, |
16/5/02 16:10 |
Dan ask him what qualifications you need to do a job like that.
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16/5/02 16:09 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun I don't think I can ask anything - I was struggling to say I think I have the wrong number |
16/5/02 16:08 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun two things 1) There is more than one person working there 2) Wonder what number the guy thought I could have been after - Everything you wanted to know about shoes but were too afraid to ask line |
16/5/02 16:08 |
tankgirl come on, ask them a question! They sit there all day just WAITING to show off their deep knowledge of coffee as taught at Kenco Advanced Coffee College... |
16/5/02 16:05 |
bobbins ian and paul?? they have multiple operators??? |
16/5/02 16:04 |
Paul Cannonville paul AND ian? how manymore man this 24hr support line then? |
16/5/02 16:03 |
Margate Mardy
hehehehe, |
16/5/02 16:03 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun "good afternoon, welcome to the kenco coffee line, my names Paul how can I help you" "Sorry I've got the wrong number" "OK thank you"
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16/5/02 16:03 |
whojamaflip hahahaha, well done bobbins |
16/5/02 16:03 |
pz Kraft Jacobs Suchard is indeed part of Philip 'Kill 'em Young' Morris. |
16/5/02 16:01 |
bobbins I'm proud of you Ian |
16/5/02 16:01 |
bobbins daddy when I grow up I want to man the kenco coffee line |
16/5/02 16:01 |
bobbins hehehe - "good afternoon, welcome to the kenco coffee line, my names ian how can I help you" *hangs up pissing self laughing* |
16/5/02 16:00 |
bobbins has anyone called it yet? |
16/5/02 15:57 |
Cyril "it makes the coffee taste flat." as opposed to the fizzy coffee that we all know and love. |
16/5/02 15:55 |
noj sh2? |
16/5/02 15:55 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun what is artificial water? |
16/5/02 15:53 |
whojamaflip
Kenco® - Interesting Facts Ground coffee can be stored in a freezer for up to one year in an air-tight container. But do not freeze in glass containers. Brazil is the world's largest coffee exporter. Vietnam is second followed by Colombia and Indonesia. Never use artificial, distilled or chemically softened water for coffee - it makes the coffee taste flat. Beethoven was a keen coffee drinker. He counted 60 beans for every cup he consumed. |
16/5/02 15:50 |
Paul Cannonville i can't remember anything else about the manageress (like even whether i watched it). was it any good? |
16/5/02 15:50 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun MM gets the coffee spitting on the screen award for his 15.46 "Actually I've just spat coffee all over my computer screen can you put me through to your IT department" |
16/5/02 15:50 |
whojamaflip
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16/5/02 15:50 |
noj kraft is part of teh philip morris group isn't it? |
16/5/02 15:49 |
whojamaflip that's her - been replaced by her off Ballykissangel |
16/5/02 15:48 |
Paul Cannonville cherie lunghi excalibur & the manageress
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16/5/02 15:48 |
® I'm arranging a coffee morning for the WI. What sort of biscuits should I get and how many? Also, Mrs Brown is not here yet; is it ok to gossip about what she gets up to with the milkman when her husband is away on business trips? |
16/5/02 15:47 |
whojamaflip email: kenco.coffeline@krafteurope.com Kraft?? thought they made cheese? |
16/5/02 15:47 |
whojamaflip in the advert - they've replaced that burd who was the managing director with some other tart |
16/5/02 15:47 |
fnord@work crap ads used to star wossface, now they've got a younger clone in |
16/5/02 15:47 |
Cyril I've spilled all my coffee granules reading your phone number on the jar. |
16/5/02 15:46 |
Araneae hehehe, go on, make their day! |
16/5/02 15:46 |
Margate Mardy "How many sugars do I take?" |
16/5/02 15:46 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun sorry whoj you need to explain that |
16/5/02 15:45 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun "I cannot get the lid off the jar - what should I do?" |
16/5/02 15:45 |
whojamaflip ask them what they've done to the old managing director |
16/5/02 15:44 |
® Your instant coffee has a horrible after taste. what should I do? |
16/5/02 15:43 |
fnord@work "I've got uncontrollable shakes and I can't sit still - what should I do?" |
16/5/02 15:43 |
Araneae Coffee advice? |
16/5/02 15:42 |
Comedy Freedom Fighter Shaun 0808 100 8787 - Call free for coffee advice (UK) B&Q it? |