All Talk - the novel

	27/08/98	Divvie ....have a nice cuppa. But then it happened.... The divvies put pills in his cuppa. Oops, he felt as miserable as Murdock looks and..........
	27/08/98	SonofRanger "Bugger off" cried the Alltalkers in unison. You're not one of us. And Dave went back from whence he came to........
	27/08/98	Zorba_the_Greek David Mellor wearing nothing at all, not even a Chelsea replica shirt. "I've been locked out of my hotel bedroom. Can you help me?" he pleaded desperately. "I'll help you Dave, I've always been one of your biggest fans" said...
	27/08/98	Gooner ..Divat48, the well known bisexual vegetable fetishist with a prize winning marrow and some industrial lubricant...
	27/08/98	SonofRanger tree said "it's ok, I'm going. Wrong room sorry. Easy mistake". And he walked backwards out of the room, bowing humbly as he went. This meant he didn't see that running up the corridor behind him was..........
	27/08/98	Gooner ... her swollen tongue and...
	27/08/98	SonofRanger "Surely that cannot be" said the tree in the shower. "Oh shit" he said realising that he had blown his cover. With that, Donna tried to yell at him to leave, before realisng that her mouth was full of.........
	27/08/98	Pedro ..Ozzie. Unlucky in football and in love, he had decided to get his pleasures cheaply, by spying on women, and watching Barnet. Donna screamed, she felt invaded. Suddenly Gooner burst in. He had discarded his anorak to reveal a tight, muscular, tanned frame. Smelling a Spurs fan, he kicked a hole through the wall, not caring for his semi-naked body. Ozzie ran, like the chicken on his club's badge, and Donna was saved. "Oh, Gooner, I want you, but I'm saving myself for the One - I think you know him, his name is....
	27/08/98	SonofRanger Chapter two - At the hotel Back at the hotel, Tankgirl and Donna had decided to save money by sharing. Donna was taking a shower, recalling the eventful day she had just had, and wondering which other Alltalkers would share rooms and why. She had the feeling of being watched. Turning sharply, but carefully to avoid the tree in the shower, kindly supplied by the hotel, she saw two pairs of eyes staring through a small hole in the wall. She thought she recognised them as belonging to.......
	27/08/98	SonofRanger The thought that they had to return to their hotel rooms to prepare for the gala event - the Alltalkers Ball. But that was another chapter.............
	27/08/98	tankgirl Soon the pain and blood was forgotten as she looked up to see none other than her favourite Alltalker in the entire universe, the gorgeous and spirited Cornelius. You couldn't get to the bar for alltalkers buying the lovely Cornelius drinks, slapping him on the back and hanging humbly off his every witty remark and sparkling reposte. This happy scene was interrupted by...
	27/08/98	murdock bargearse robert michumed up to Donna and said "so you thought I was fat and ugly,gal" to which she replied after tripping over a divvy and breaking a few teeth on the blood stained floor......
	27/08/98	libero SeanBull, the testosterone overdosed lover from Bilston. "Awwwroight Donna" he said in an irresistible black country tone. Donna froze. She trembled as his leg (left) brushed against her cheeks (facial). "oooh, I want him to kiss me on the lips" she thought. Donna had'nt felt this way since she was last on the London Underground on the Piccadilly line and the carriage shook for ten minutes . She winked at him and they adjourned to the lounge bar, making a beeline for the pool cues.....
	27/08/98	Gooner SeanP. Who'd have thought he'd look that good in a dress? As Sean dusted down his strappy Size 11 sandals, he noticed a strange aroma. A mixture of pure masculinity, and the kind of odour that could only eminate from the most virile of crotches. As he looked up, taking care not to show too much cleavage, he spied a giant of a man, a greek God, glistening with beads of moisture from another hard day's work. Was it? Surely not! But it must be him. It was him, .....
	27/08/98	SonofRanger Donna, just thrilled to meet all her cyber friends after all this time. The one she longed to get to know better though was..........
	27/08/98	tree "I can't believe that I've just killed that many people" said me, and then started to sip soup from his hip-flask...shaking like a leaf I began to spill my Heinz 'Cream of Ronaldo' Potage over the floor, and over someones foot too. "OI Tree, that's my foot!" shouted the very lovely...
	27/08/98	black_b However tree was astonished when black_b produced the red for Violent Conduct. "Early bath for you my son..."
	27/08/98	SonofRanger And with that they all lived happily ever after cos it all started getting spiteful. Or did it?
	27/08/98	Markie They scattered to the ripping sound of the '47 opening fire. There was no hiding place as Divat after Deevat fell into the sawdust of the pub. The assembled alltalkers, slightly surprised by the noise, looked up for a second; shrugged a shoulder or two; and returned to their pints and chats about history, leicester and Arsenal.
	27/08/98	Ozzie a group of dutch children wearing their school uniforms burst into the pub shouting"tits,willies,your mums dead,we are going to takeover the universe".Tree reached into his gold and black rucksack and pulled out the AK47 that he used for special occasions.He loaded it up and aimed at the dutch contingent....
	27/08/98	libero Ozzie ordered a round of bitter, just to remind everyone of his presence. He sat and waited, pondering his sexual inadequacy in the face of the misidentified libero. "Bloody Arsenal" he muttered, if it werent for them the "Palestinians would have a homeland, and Princess Di would still be with us God rest her soul". He even blamed them for his piles. "Oooooh, me blimmin' haemmoroids!" he said and scuttled off, only to join his trainspotting friends he imagined were Gunners, to assuage his inferiority complex. Think I'll have another pint of bitter, just for old times sake......
	27/08/98	slye ...Suddenly and without warning the lights went out and the roof crashed in. **** the things gone down again they all moaned, and pulled various files out of their briefcases and decided they might as well do a bit of work to while away the time when...
	27/08/98	black_b ... said redmark7 to Donna who had inadvertantly interupted Ozzie in mid flow. She apologised profusely, knowing full well that it was an accident that could not have been prevented. The rest of the gang said it was OK and were starting to chatter excitedly about Manchester Uniteds fantastic 8th strip of the season when...
	27/08/98	Donna shit!
	27/08/98	redmark7 I think you spoilt the flow Donna.
	27/08/98	Donna Alright, I'll go away - you carry on
	27/08/98	Ozzie doh Donna!!!
	27/08/98	Donna sidled up to her and revealed that in actual fact he was .....
	27/08/98	Ozzie ....sneezed and a large ball of snot landed on her new red shirt."How am I going to pull that goeorgeus Irish stud black b now" she thought.She punched slye square on the nose.He stumbled and fell onto the table of a rowdy group of revllers.A man in a blue hat stood up and shouted...
	27/08/98	SonofRanger The inimitable slye. A likeable chap, somewhat more rotund than in his prime and a pseudo cockney geezer when in his part time role behind the bar. He was polishing glasses when he made eye contact with Donna for the first time. He.........
	27/08/98	slye Nobby,.... "you´re all ****ing student wankers and bum boys" he spluttered before being dragged away by two men in uniform who burst through the door with....
	27/08/98	Ozzie "Aalright me duck"said the greying black country boy.Steve had never had much success with London women.His girlfriend Massie hailed from Wolverhampton and was twice his age.She had Wolves tattoo's of Billy Wright,Derek Dougan and Andy Gray as well as one of her hero Steve Bull that took pride of place on her forehead.At that moment just as Steve was trying to further the conversation with BeckB a small crumpled figure fell through the door,stumbled up to the bar and ordered a pint of Guiness and a triple whisky.Lo and behold it was the prodical son.....
	27/08/98	black_b Babe - 6 foot tall, tanned and carrying the surf board he took everywhere with him. He ordered a stubby of Fosters only to find that someone had already set one up for him. He turned around to see the charming features of...
	27/08/98	SteveBull .....the bat had flown off disturbed by the sound of a loud Aussie accent at the door. It was.....
	27/08/98	Markie PaulMac, overseeing the event as ever. He thought of himself as an allknowing but discrete barman. He served Beck, and turned to his right to find...
	27/08/98	SteveBull He discovered it was Beck, who asked him if he'd heard from Rolles. The answer sadly was no although apparently tree had bumped into him on another chat site. Beck went to the bat to buy Steve a drink and caught the barman's eye. From his casual manner and slightly pointy ears, she discerned it was another AllTalker. It was ...
	27/08/98	Markie SteveBull, dragging his heavy laptop into the pub. "Mines a Stella Dry"; he yelled at greg. Steve, tired after his hard days alltalking, sat down next to a girl in Spurs kit who he didn't recognise....
	27/08/98	Zorba_the_Greek greg clutching his 'Boy's Own Book of Extremely Interesting Facts about a Team from Woolwich'. He settled down in an armchair and began reading Chapter 7 entitled "Nayim from the Halfway Line". He shifted uncomfortably from one buttock to the other... Suddenly he was a greeted by a strangely familiar voice behind him. He turned round and saw...
	27/08/98	SonofRanger The divvies in kilts. Yes the muppets had gatecrashed the finest moment in All talk history. An uneasy hush swept through the pub and a Mexican stand off. Develpoed. Unable to stand the tension a moment longer, up leapt.......
	27/08/98	black_b ratso, snarling and spitting through his beard. "Bloody armchair fans" he snarled." Don't you realise there was a match up at the park between Somerset U13 B team and Devon and Cornwall Young Invincibles U13"s?" But his tirade was cut short by a strange gurgling Scottish accent emanating from the toilets. Through the dark brown door came...
	27/08/98	Ozzie Gooner and libero.Thay were wearing red anoraks,carrying flasks and a british rail 1998 handbook.They looked strange and awkward in the corner and were shuffling nervously while the barman poured their babyshams into two small sherry glasses.They spoke in hushed tones and the fear in their eyes was evident as the sexually provocative BeckB passed by in her smart white shirt and dark blue shorts.Suddenly there was a crash through the doors,everybody dropped their drinks and in walked the one and only.....
	27/08/98	SonofRanger She strangely ignored Donna and made a beeline for a group of guys barking at the moon and speaking in a strange nasal manner. One was covered in foliage. They introduced themselves one by one as..............
	27/08/98	Pen .....in walked BeckB resplendent in her Spurs kit, a jealous glint in her eye...
	27/08/98	black_b ... the strangely named Acres, a wonderful man with a bit of a tick above the left eye - ever present since hearing that Le Tissier would be allowed to move on and that the new ground for the Saints wont materialise for a year or two yet. They hugged, they shook hands and laughed together knowingly when...
	27/08/98	Pen black b. Of course it may have been the little black shorts that gave it away. Donna was smitten and sat down to get to know this god of a man a little better, when her eyes were drawn to the door. Another alltalker had entered, a man so handsome that women dropped their pints in unison as he walked past, of course it had to be....it was none other than....
	27/08/98	SonofRanger Chapter One - They All Meet Suprised at how big london had proved to be, Donna finally turned into South Africa Road. She paused only to let the seven pints of Caffreys, consumed to settle her nerves, stop swishing around in her stmoach. No stopping her now, her long smooth, silken legs strode purposefully towards 'The Springbok'. Soon now her anonimity would be gone forever. She wondered how that first meeting would be. Could she REALLY agree on anything with Acres? Was Narco going to be the lech she had feared? And what of slye? Could anyone really be that nice? No stopping her now. She knew she was early, but then Yorkshire girls do come first she thought. The door opened and a welcoming smile greeted her. The initials S.O.R. on his tee shirt, plus the close proximity to Loftus Road told her who this charming thirtysomething, yet looking younger man must be. They embraced, not needing to exchange words. As Donna wriggled free she cast an eye across the almost deserted pub. There in the corner sat another all talk jamboree reveller. Again she knew she had to embrace this man. She walked over and without speaking she instantly felt drawn to this person who she was sure must be the one and only....................... Please continue co-writers!