Yonkers possesses many attributes that make it worthy of hosting the JAM. This large municipality, located just north of New York City, has been at the cutting edge of many economic and cultural advances that have shaped the world in which we all live. Its accomplishments are many and its place in history is secure, making it an ideal choice to be so intricately connected with an event as momentous and renowned as the JAM.
Culturally, Yonkers is closely connected to everything from hard rap to heaven. The city's economically disenfranchised West Siiiide spawned rap legend DMX, whose vivid descriptions of the hood have vaulted him to stardom. The many hours he spent outside the tough School Street projects where he grew up hangin' with his dogs - real ones, most of which were probably large, vicious, and wore jewelry - awakened his incipient introspective spirit, "Ma[d]e [his] shit harder," and inspired the kickin' lyrics that he dropped on the domes of his listeners in a triple platinum first album, "Its Dark and Hell is Hot," and the soon-to-be-legendary "Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood" album in 1999. While there he met Boomer, a local dog who is immortalized in the tattoo "One Love Boomer" written across his back. These years made him keenly aware of the answer to his query, "Where My Dogs At?"
Yonkers is also the home to that Yonkers posse The Lox, newcomers to the hip-hop scene who nicknamed the city "The Big Y.O." They have repeatedly asserted that "We Don't Give a Fuck," along with "The Innovator of Violence" from Extreme Championship Wrestling.
In the city you can also find:
The city also received a shout out from Lord Tariq on that ghetto anthem "Uptown Baby," and inspired the play (and then movie) "Lost in Yonkers," which bears no real resemblance to Yonkers.
The crown jewel of Yonkers may be the perpetually bankrupt Yonkers Raceway, always an OTB favorite. And speaking of bankrupt, Yonkers itself has been bankrupt for the better part of the last two decades. These financial woes, along with its reputation for being a bastion of racial disharmony, have spawned a variety of legal and social problems. Representatives of the city have, consequently, appeared before the Supreme Court of the United States on several occasions, the city's problems have been featured on numerous news magazine programs (including 20/20 and 60 Minutes), and the city has become a veritable poster child for white flight.
On a more ethereal note, Pope John Paul II, evidently aware of the JAM's growing popularity, left the hallowed banks of the Tiber River and the shadows of the Eternal City in 1996 to visit Yonkers and the shadows of the Palisades (which, despite the best publicity attempts of the city, are actually located in New Jersey, and can only be viewed from Yonkers). While there he celebrated mass, and throughout his visit he vividly demonstrated the lofty place the city occupies in the minds and hearts of those throughout the world. Unfortunately, he never participated in the JAM himself, citing an unwillingness to get his pristine papal tiara and robes dirty. However, the aging pontiff did jokingly attempt to impose a JAM ban on all non-Catholics, and he requested that if he were to play, the college of cardinals should vote for the MVJ.
Economically and technologically, numerous events have occurred in Yonkers without which the modern world would be a radically different place. It was in Yonkers that the first elevated mass transit system made its debut. This innovation was the forerunner of those elevated subway lines that block out the sun and dim many major thoroughfares in the outer boroughs (i.e., White Plains Road, Roosevelt Ave., and Westchester Ave.), decrease adjacent property values, and substantially contribute to urban blight.
Many innovations in hat design were pioneered in Yonkers, thus establishing the foundation for such styles as those hats with straws that hold cans of beer, those red Yankee and Ranger hats often adorned by Funkmaster Flex, and those novelty hats with the fake clapping hands, as well as the always-stylish foam-and-mesh hats popularized by Southern service station attendants that are thankfully falling out of circulation.
Yonkers was also the first town to utilize street lighting, thus allowing people to leave their homes at night in relative safety without carrying candles or torches, and dripping hot wax or noxious propane on themselves, and hang out in front of 7-11s and Dairy Queens at all hours of the night desperately trying to look cool. It would be difficult to imagine a world in which people were afraid to travel at night, fearful that danger lurked around every darkened corner in the form of an unknown, shadowy figure... Oops, that is the world we live in. But at least now we may be able to see them better and offer more accurate descriptions to the police.
Further advances in elevator safety invented in Yonkers allowed people to reach the top floors of buildings without walking up long flights of stairs. That made possible the breathtaking skyline visible to the city's south, and, more generally, the practical use and construction of all buildings of more than six stories. Without these innovations, every city would have the skyline and aesthetic appeal of such popular locales as Manhattan, Kansas and, well, Yonkers itself. And the high returns mega-rich real estate investors, whom we will never be, now obtain from ownership of midtown lots would be impossible. Without the trickle-down effects of their profits, we would all be impoverished.
Moreover, Yonkers, hosted the first game of golf ever played in North America. Thus far, though, the city has yet to receive any royalties checks from the PGA, Tiger Woods, or Nike.
With such a strong resume, is it any wonder that Yonkers is the home city for the JAM - at least until somebody else gives us a better deal?
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