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Top 5 Reasons Joe Nemechek Will Give for Wrecking

We Have a Weiner!!!

After two weeks of intense voting, list number 7, penned by Tim "20 Dollars!" S., is the clear victor. His list was two big votes ahead of lists 2 and 3, which were tied for second. List 2 comes from the mind of Nathan, and list 3 belongs to Neil W. My personal favorite was list 4, but I excluded myself from the voting.
I must apologize to Kevin K, who's list was inadvertently left off the voting page. His were great, and would definitely have been in contention for the big win. Here is his list in full:

5. "I needed the sparks to light my Marlboro."
4. "I saw this move in 'Cannonball Run II' on the Superstation last night. It worked for Burt, but I don't know what happened here."
3. "I coulda sworn there was a right turn at lap 280."
2. "I'm not *supposed* to wreck?"
1. "I wanted to impress Jodie Foster."

My mom missed the deadline, but her list was still pretty good.Here it is:

1-I only took my eyes off the track for a second to reach down for my bag of pork rinds.
2-I couldn't get my can of RC out from under the brake pedal.
3-My crew chief yelled 'that dog won't hunt' just as I was pulling out on the track.

The rest of the lists are printed in full below. Read and enjoy.

 

List 1: Will

1. Upset that StarWars will steal his sponsors.

2. The Intimidator was mentally taunting him.

3. His barber canceled on him and he wanted Latrel Sprewell's haicut.

4. His obese belly caused the car to handle wildly on turn #2.

5. His sponsor makes him talk on a cell phone and he can only drive with one hand.

 

List 2: Nathan

1) Well, I was a-comin' offa turn two there, and I seemed to hit a patch of oil that the 36 car left there. Or 00 could have left it in the qualifying rounds. I don't know fur sure, but it was oil. We had a good car, but it just wasn't enough for us today.

2) My wife kept calling me on my BellSouth Cellular phone to remind me to pick up a bucket of chicken if I finish the race early. And you know how much I love fried chicken!

3) I'm afflicted with the rare disease Simple Chronic Wreckingitis. And my corns are killing me.

4) I ate too many bean burritos last night.

5) No fish here.

 

List 3: Neil

5- Spilt my beer.

4- Distracted by thoughts of Jar-Jar Binks' amusing antics.

3- Saw dead 'possum on the side of the track, remembered I had to pick up dinner.

2- Monica.

1- That damn Jeff Gordon ran my off the freaking track!

 

List 4: Chris

Top 5 Reasons

5. MY Helmet was on too tight

4. Well he was racing and I was racing, I don't know how i ended up with the raw end of the deal.

3. I was looking for an opening to pass coming out of turn four. As soon as I saw the back of his car in front of mine's, I thought here's the perfect time to make my move. Unfortunately, he didn't hear my horn.

2. THe Bell south 42 was running great today until I got in the car.

  1. I was running good coming out of turn two when all of a sudden bam the wall just backed into me. I think Nascar is going to have to do something about those.

 

List 6 (notice that this one is about Irvan): Sharon

The top 5 reasons Ernie Irvan will give for wrecking:

5. "Sandro predicted it, after all. It was outa my hands".

4. "Joe Joe got in my way".

3. "I was going along real good there fer the first 50 laps, nearly gittin' wiped clean when Ricky had his spill, but managin' to stay in it. Even whin Bodine hit the wall, I steered clear. But then I hit that line on the track on lap 73 and thar was nuttin' I could do. I just thank the Lord that no one was hurt".

2. "Welp, it's not my fault I wasn't born in Indiana*. Some of us ain't so lucky".

And #1 "Candy Coated Carburetor".

 

List 7: Tim, our big winner

Top 5 reasons Joe Nemewreck will crash this week

5. He's a stupid redneck, just like all the other idiots on the track.

4. He hit the wall in Turn #4 trying to avoid Neil W.'s bloody carcass.

(Neil's bloody carcass was on the track b/c Duncan and I did not appreciate his joke about our mothers.)

3. He lost his focus after trying to rear end Jeff Gordon.

2. His tires spun out on some tears left on the track from Bobby Labonte after Texas Thunder lost again from the pole.

1. He spent too much time "relaxing" before the race with Ryan.

 

List 8: Duncan

1.through 5. He sucks.