The following is a message to all Auburn fans who may have an inclination to bother me online as one such poor joker did not too long ago. I think the message was clear then - (as it is now) - so be forewarned. Likewise, to save myself the contrivance of endless debate and constant redundant typing, I present the following, complete and unabridged:

Listen, pal, before you go waltzing around with an attitude, let us get a few things straight .......

• First, unlike a majority of your variety bargain basement chatters, I'm not from the scroll school of inbred linear minded morons, and I can live without the Ad Nauseam, BS, and Wordplay that I am most definitely sure is to follow from your text. Before you blow any more smoke, save your "rope-a-dope" verbal gymnastics and mental masturbation for someone who truly cares for your parlor tricks.

• Second, I do not live in the state of Alabama. I live in Florida. Therefore, having said that, I do not get caught up in the narrow-minded whizz-fizz of the Iron Bowl. Although I am a beloved fan of Crimson Tide football, as a resident of Florida, I am also a follower of FSU and Miami, too.

• Now let's cut to the cause and effect, shall we? The one thing I have noticed in most arguments coming from the Auburn camp is that there seems to exist a deliberate attempt to deride Tide football without, of course, taking a gut check at their own school's football prospects or merits. And why? Because they have none, that's why! Tell me:

  What is Auburn's legacy?

  What is Auburn's tradition?

  What is Auburn's past?

  What is Auburn's future?

  We're talkin' sports here, so I'd really like to know what Auburn excels in ... Show me some history!!! Other than the "Championship Cow Chip Discus Throw," what does Auburn have to offer that other schools cannot match??? Do they have any tradition except for running at the mouth?!? Why was Auburn ranked so high in the preseason football polls this year? What kind of high premium expectations did everyone hold for these over-rated non-achievers?

  The annual Alabama-Auburn urinating contest has always been a mystery to me ... ! So explain the mystique ...

• Most Auburn fans never discuss National Championships, SEC Championships, ect., and for good reason. They conveniently avoid the subject, pretend it does not exist in favor of using any means to sidetrack an argument by making personal attacks -- or what is conventionally referred to as Ad Hominem [Sorry, but this word is likely not to be found in the Auburn collegiate dictionary].

  My perception of Auburn fans is they would rather invent their own "rules" when arguing with Tide fans. It is akin to a chess match with a crying towel and a "control" switch. Auburn fans whine to Bama fans with :

  "You can't talk about conference titles, 'cuz that's living in the past." "And you can't talk about the future, 'cuz you're on probation."

  Thus, it's checkmate! How convenient. It's the same 'ol tired recording. Fortunately - (for me, that is) - I refuse to play by those "rules". And please, tell the fellow Auburn alumus to stop making ridiculous nonsensical smoke screen effronteries to counter how the Tide does not technically have 12 National Titles. Am I supposed to appeal to this comedic chicanery?!? This chameleonic showmanship that some of you fans display is no more than an attempt to skirt the truth as you plunge head first in your mentally prearranged scripts while having your head in the sand.

  So - really - what have we here? Is winning the Iron Bowl all you Auburn dimwits care about???

  Tell me who's being delusional?!?

  Auburn fans are so narrow-minded and limited in their scope and focus. Do they concern themselves with the bigger picture?!? No, but then again, most of the SEC is limited in scope and focus, too. That's why Steve Spurrier reigned in the 90's. While the SEC teams were punting & kicking field goals with their unimaginative playbooks, Spurrier's Gators were scoring TD's with the "fun and gun."

  Look, if a team is not in a position for the National Championship, then who cares?!? The only time the Iron Bowl matters to me is if and when Alabama is in the run for a National Title. The stakes in an Iron Bowl game would be a lot higher if there were playoffs, but there are no playoffs (on a national scale).

  Quite frankly, the only Ala-AU game record that matters is when Alabama is 10-0 going into the Iron Bowl game in search of a Bowl for the National Title!!! Or, Auburn is 10-0 (which rarely happens) and 'Bama is playing spoiler. Nothing else matters!!! Stop limiting yourself into thinking the Iron Bowl is important ... !

  If 'Bama has a (7- 3) record going into the Iron Bowl and they lose, why should that concern me? It only matters to the state of Alabama. The bigger picture was gone with the 3 loses. Get it?!?

• Ask yourself realistically: DO YOU really think that ultra-conservative coach Tommy "Tupperware" is going to take Auburn to the promised land?!? Highly unlikely (of course, if Fulmer can get lucky and do it, I guess anything's possible). "Tupperware" is a joke and a chicken! He dropped FSU from his schedule a few years back, for cryin' out loud! He is not a Wareagle. He is a ChickenEagle!!!

• Btw, Alabama was the only school in the SEC to *consistently* compete with Steve Spurrier's brand of football in the 90's. In fact, they beat Florida's savior twice in one year. Without Spurrier and Alabama, where is the competition in the SEC coming from?!?

  The SEC is downsizing itself, or to put it another way, these idiotic SEC schools have castrated their own conference competition. The sad thing is they don't even realize it, or they don't care. All the finger pointing has had a trickle down effect, and now the NCAA is investigating half the SEC schools. You would think that the SEC would love a competitive conference. But, oh, no, --- they'd rather put each other on probation. I wouldn't be surprised in the least if the whole conference didn't go on probation at the rate things are going.

• Sure, more than likely, of course, Auburn will beat Alabama in the future. But what of it? That's what happens when you're on probation, that's what happens when you lose scholarships = no depth. For the exception of a few years, Alabama football has been down for the last 20 years, due to conservative, out of date coaches .... and, of course, probation. Today, when you beat Alabama, it's not like you're beating a "great" team. So again... what of it?!? What have you accomplished?!? You would think the crazy loons at Auburn won a NT when they beat Alabama!!! The Auburn program is a joke. Do you really think Auburn puts fear in the opponents they play (outside of patsies)?!?

• One more thing to consider: Eventually, over the long haul, all schools cheat, Okay?!? If not the schools themselves, then the boosters. And Auburn's no squeaky clean stepchild!!!

  Why people offer money to these athletes, I'll never understand, but how can any school clamp down on all booster activity, especially outside the state?!? Alabama got caught and they made the mistake of full disclosure. Worse, they turned themselves in. They should've done like Tennessee did, that is, tell the NCAA to "go see our lawyers." There was a lot more evidence of cheating in Tennessee than in Alabama. So, I have to ask: DO ALL SEC teams cheat?!? DO all college programs cheat?!? Evidently ... however, the caveat here is that not all of them get caught.

  So go ahead and stick that swirling spiral of self-righteous Auburn piety on some other sucker, because I'm not buying ...

• But, in truth, if you really want me to talk smack, then I'll give you something to talk about. In the last 20 years (while Alabama-Auburn fans have sit on their hands wading in their own piss), only Florida can brag about having the best three college football schools coming from one state -- (5) NT's for Miami, (2) NT's for FSU, (1) NT for Florida.

  How many NT's has Auburn?!? Take away Alabama's NT's, and your whole state is thrust into a quagmire of bottom tiered mediocrity. Auburn is so small, so inconsequential, so tiny in achievements, but their fans more than make up for it at the mouth. If you Auburn fans can show me your school's personal achievements in sports instead of personal attacks, then I might listen. Auburn is sitting naked in the twilight zone, buffered in a vacuum of "talk" that no one else can hear OR care about ... !

• It's amazing that your state can talk football 365 days a year, and yet the state of Florida has 3 top ten premium college football powerhouses: FSU, Florida, and Miami, 2 lightweight schools: UCF and South Florida (that have given fits to top 20 teams), and we have three pro-level teams: Jax, Tampa Bay, and Miami.

  Compared to Florida, the state of Alabama is anachronistic football with the only shining glory being the Crimson Tide, and whether you like it or not, Auburn will always be a shadow to the press, to the Tide, and to the rest of the country at large!!!

  Auburn is only important to Auburn. No one else cares!

  Two things in life I despise is orange & blue = the Gators & the ChickenEagles!!!

You've been KO'd ... !

Simply put, you opened this can of worms, and I felt obliged to end it ... ! The next time you have something to say, remember the first reason up above, do your homework, stop ignoring the facts, and stop dichotomizing your arguments into simple gnat attacks that make you look foolish ... ! By the way, you must feel a certain "self-importance" about yourself to have bothered broadcasting your little sarcastic remarks in the first place. Suffice it to say, I came prepared and you did not. And with that said, allow me to resume my private chat!!! Peace. Out.

~~~~ Deacon Blues