As Good as it Gets

Melvin: "Don't be like me......Don't you be like me....You stay just the way you are cuz you are a perfect man...I'm gonna take you home and get you something to eat!"

Melvin:"You make me want to be a better man...."

Melvin:"What if this is as good as it gets?"

Melvin & Carol:"Not that you're ugly - Easy, easy, pal....I can take the compliment, but my knees start knocking when you turn on the charm full blast!"

Simon:"You're why cavemen chiseled on walls..."

Melvin:"Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City sailor wanna hump hump bar or is this get away day and your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here!"

Melvin & The Secretary:"How do you write women so well? I think of a man...And I take away reason and accountability..." FIXED

Carol & Melvin:"You wanna dance? Well...I've been thinking about that since you brought it up before.....And? No."

Carol & Melvin:"You're not worried someone will take it? Well, not until now for Christ's Sake!"

Melvin:"Uhhh, let's not drag this out...We don't enjoy each other's company that much...."

Melvin:"Shut up, kids!!"

Melvin:"How old are you? Cuz if I were to guess by your eyes, I'd say you were 50...."

Melvin: "I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth....I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do...."

Melvin:"Oh...Carol the waitress - Simon the fag........."

Simon:"Well here I am, sweetheart! Happy to see me, ya little piss-ant mop!? How 'bout another ride down the chute?"

Melvin:"Well.....That's a load off...."

Melvin:"Love was........Son of a Bitch!! Pansy-assed stool pusher!.....Yes!?"

Simon & Melvin:"I love you......I tell ya buddy....I'd be the luckiest guy alive if that did it for me..."

Melvin:"Oh, God....This is like a nightmare!"

Melvin:"Appetites aren't as big as your noses, huh?"

Melvin:"Well....I'm sorry...But we don't open for the no sex odes till 9am...."

Frank:"I ain't doin' this! I'm an art dealer! Have a nice day!"

Melvin:"Think white and get serious!"

Melvin:"Hey, this place smells like shit!"

Melvin:"Hi........HELP!!!"

Melvin:"Do you get me, sweetheart?"

Melvin:"People that talk in metaphors ought to shampoo my crotch!"

Melvin:"Are you waiting for me to say something?"

Melvin:"I'm afraid he might pull the stiff one eye on me!"

Melvin:"No need to stop being a lady....Stop worrying...You'll be back on your knees in no time...."