Dear Fellow Supporters,

The season is over. Not a memorable one on the field, but the club has gone from strength to strength. On your behalf I would like to wish Stormin' Norman a great retirement and, as he opted to take Honorary Membership, that means everyone below him will move up one (stop cheering). He has been a good servant to the club and we wish you all the best Norm. Call by and buy us one now and then or leave your Visa and we will debit your sponsorship monthly. Best wishes must also go out to Pam Waygood who is also leaving but she is not leaving. We all wish her every success in her new position at SFU and look forward to details of how the other half (who don’t work for a living) lives.

I am making several changes for next season as all good managers have to do (see Seniority Changes). Have a good summer and the new season will kick-off on the first Friday back. See you then.

The Chairman.

It is with deep regret that this weeks player profile is former Latics favourite, John Colquhoun, who died recently aged 56. He will be remembered by many Latics fans for the 231 appearances and 39 goals he scored during his two spells with the club in the 1960's. He made his debut on August 26th. 1961 v Colchester United, having signed from Stirling Albion for $12,000. Versatile, he played in every forward position (in the old days of five forwards) and was a member of the 1962-63 promotion side. The Chairman was lucky enough to have a signed photo of John which is reproduced on todays cover. He had been working as a driver for a delivery firm until he fell ill.

As we all know Gary has had a rough time of late. He is on the mend and the JH Design & Technology Dept. have had a hand in the rebuilding of Gary. We have the technology! Pictured below is the new Gary. Please be sympathetic when you see him. It will take some time for him to adjust to his new looks. One or two points to remember when he does return:

1 Please do not place any magnets or radios net him as he will probably short circuit them;
2 Do not arrange any holidays with him as you will never get through security. Try explaining that you are not carrying a gun;
3 Do not let him drink Coca-Cola or any other drinks with corrosive substances;
4 Definitely don't play golf with him. His extra weight will add 25 to his handicap;
5 Take his advice on jogging.

We wish you all a quick and painless recovery as you are down to 19 and still dropping.

Here we go with the fascinating new series as promised in the last programme. In 1756 it was often stated that Oldham had just two inns, but the Alehouse Recognizances of 1630 list that Oldham, Chadderton and Royton had l0 innkeepers. It was later stated that you could drink in a different pub in Oldham for every day of the year. I believe that to be true. The first pub that I supped in as an under age drinker was the Sportsman in Chadderton, but todays profile is:

THE NEW INN, 67, Greenacres Road.
It was fully licensed in 1855. In 1866 it was owned by Aaron Hartwell of Lymm and was in bad repair. The pub closed in 1974. Then a Wilsons house it was demolished in 1975. Recorded landlords are: 1841 Benjamin Jackson, 1852 James Lees, 1871 William Barrett, 1880-91 Alan Hollinsworth, 1906-13 John Blakeley, 1913-19 William Balmforth, 1919-32 James Howard.

Many is the time I used to arrive 5 mins. before closing time and order four pints. The landlord at the time, an amiable Irishman named Michael, used to draw the curtains and utter the immortal words “If you're stopping, you're supping”. Of course I always stopped. I never did miss a chance for A.T. Hope you like my trip down memory lane. More pubs to follow in the next programme.

I. Will B. Drunk.

Ed's comment - You get it all at the Latics. Social studies, everything.

Dear Editor,

TRANMERE OLDHAM'S BOGEY TEAM?!!!!

Both Oldham and Tranmere started the 1995-96 campaign in top form, positioning themselves well for promotion. But the winter brought disaster for both clubs. By spring, Oldham and Tranmere were in desperate need of wins to avoid relegation. Luckily, Tranmere had two games with Oldham and were therefore able to avoid demotion by 6 points. Oldham managed a last ditch surge to finish 3 points behind Tranmere, earning another round of beer for Rover supporters. As a Rover fan, I would like to thank the Chairman for his continued support of my taste for suds, whether it be league games or the FA cup. And I am sure that Chairman's donations of the amber liquid will be equally generous in the future. My only sorrow is that I didn't meet the Chairman a bit sooner - all those opportunities lost!!

Dear Anonymous Reader,

The Chairman thanks you for your sentiments. His simple reply was:

“HE WHO LAUGHS LAST, LAUGHS LAST”
I am thinking of introducing a weekly "Coronation Street' update you may find of interest.

There were no winners again. I like it! The competitions are hard enough to be taken seriously. The question was:

Which member of the Royal family played football for England at Wembley?

The answer was: Joe Royle the former Athletic manager. I said there was a catch.

NAME: Norm Mackenzie
No. IN SENIORITY: 8
NUMBER OF YEARS SUPPORTING LATICS: For Ever
FIRST ATTENDANCE AT A MEETING: At beginning
CURRENT FAVOURITE LATICS PLAYER/SUPPORTER: Dave Moore
ALL TIME FAVOURITE LATICS PLAYER/SUPPORTER: Dave Moore
WHERE DO YOU NORMALLY SIT AT THE MEETING?: Next to the best looking girl
FUNNIEST INCIDENT AT A MEETING: Pam Waygood’s expression when I arrive.
BEST MOMENT: Winning one unit
WORST MOMENT: I lost one place when I went to my daughters wedding
HOW COULD YOU IMPROVE THE MEETINGS?: Faster bar service
ARE YOU SATISFIED WITH THE AMENITIES?: Excellent
WHAT HAS PLEASED/DISPLEASED YOU MOST ABOUT TIHE CLUB?: Freezing at the Guildford Station and making the error or removing an “inside chair”.
ARE YOU IN FAVOUR OF A SUPER LEAGUE?: No! It draws the other clubs.
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHNG IN FOOTBALL SUPPORTING WHAT WOULD IT BE?: Down with working.
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS:

My but it's been a tough old tinker of a season, but then it always is. Everyone is worked up about something at this time of year, be it championship/Europe/promotion/play-offs/relegation/leaving your ground after 95 years or the new law that decrees no article about Manchester City may appear unless it contains a gratuitous mention of Oasis. Your head is throbbing, your eyes are sore, your body feels like a thousand tiny insects are crawling all over it (though that might have something to do with nylon replica shirt you're wearing in May sunshine). You need to wind down a bit, but that won't be easy this year with only a month or so of footy-free bliss before it starts all over again with the traditional curtain raiser of Gillingham v Republic of China. Which is why we asked a panel of psychologists to prepare a list of close season relaxation tips.

Defeating Neurosis

A lot of football fans are neurotics, stuck in a cycle of repeatable behaviour, the cause of which has long since been forgotten. You may, for instance, find yourself inexplicably drawn to a TV shop window at quarter to five on a Saturday afternoon. where you stand amongst a semi-circle of unshaven, bedraggled figures staring balefully at a flickering screen and sending occasional dating glances at the shop doorway. You're waiting for the football results to come up while feigning an interest in camcorders and graphic equalisers, hoping that a keen assistant doesn't come out and try to sell you one. Even worse, you still doing it in July. The only way to cope with this addiction is face it front on. You have to convince yourself that the shop window is the lair of the most evil slimy flesh eating bug-eyed monster in the universe, like Michael Howard but with tentacles. You must hurry past the window as fast as you can otherwise it will pull you in. This needs to be practised regularly but in time you'll find that even a glimpse of a TV shop in the distance will have you sprinting for your life in the opposite direction.

Hibernation

Tortoises don't suffer from the same stresses and strains as, say, Leicester City fans. That's because for several months of the year they nestle into a bed of straw and go to sleep. This anguish management technique is easily mastered, as Sir Bert Millichip frequently demonstrates. Get a nice roomy cardboard box (try an electrical goods shop rather than the supermarket: not even John Spencer could fit into one of those fruit cartons), fill it with shredded newspaper, a large box of biscuits (in case you wake up peckish and don't feel like foraging for nuts) and most importantly a plentiful supply of water (remember what happened to the Blue Peter tortoise?).Tell your family/flatmates that you are "just going into the garage for a bit"; then curl up in the box and set the alarm for the middle of August.

Rugby League

You don't have to go cold turkey completely when trying to free yourself of your footy addiction. A halfway measure would be to experiment with other sports. The advent of Summer rugby league is a boon to anyone suffering from withdrawal symptoms because rugby league is pretty much what football would be like if it was only played by fat people with enormous thighs. The players wear shorts, they run about and bump into each other a lot and every so often someone hoofs the ball over the crossbar, just like Andy Cole. With rugby league offering so much it's only fair to point out that there's a chance you may end up adding another addiction to the one you've already got.

Meditation

There are times, however, when it's simply not enough to consciously wind down after a long hard season. In this situation something more primal is called for, something which will put you in touch with a deep ancient well of spiritual wisdom. Sit cross legged in a darkened room. Empty your mind of all thoughts save one: you are Trevor Brooking.. fount of wisdom, if a bit non-committal. Start with a slow, warm up mantra "Yeeerrrsss", then take a big big breath (because you won't be breathing again for 90 minutes). Now let out the full, Trevorian cry - "Mmmmmmmmmmaybe", building up to a crescendo lasting roughly an hour, then winding down slowly with ten minutes of "Weeeelll posssssibly, weeeelll possssibly." There now. Doesn't the world seem a better place?

We concede defeat! As old fashioned as we are, we have finally decided to move with the times and introduce a Premier Division to next year's list. The divisions will still contain 22 members and seniority will be carried over from this season. All yellow cards will be wiped from the records, and the security of yellow cards will be extended to include the top eleven members (the number of players on a team). This has been introduced as a reward for loyalty over the years. The Privvy Division will still be used at the Chairman's discretion. Honorary members will be listed in seniority depending upon years of service. They must also remain in contact with the club. This could be by personal appearances or by letters to the editor, email, voice mail, videos etc. (Paul, we expect several personal appearances). We want to know how you are doing.