Dear Fellow Supporters,

We are almost at the year end and summer is finally on the way. Our last meeting of the season will be on 27th. June and our last programme will also be issued on that day. Next season we may be issuing less programmes as it is very time consuming and sales don’t bring in much revenue. It could be that we have a monthly programme or one every three weeks (they could be bumper editions). If we get lots of input (or even some, at times) we will try to publish on a more regular basis. What are your views? We will do our best.

There is not much activity on the club front. No real signings except a 33 year old goalie from Scarborough called Ian Ironside, and not many going-ons worth mentioning. We never even got round to celebrating our decade in existence. We should plan something special for next season and make up for it. We will be issuing a collectors edition of a team photo in the next programme so don’t miss it. For all the latest check the LSC web page.

The Chairman

The man with a mission! Neil Warnock has the unenviable task of leading the Latics straight back to the first division. Although the Latics got relegated, I have it on good authority that there is surprisingly, an air of expectancy and optimism these days around Boundary Park. Season tickets sales are up as the fans are looking forward to a successful season (it couldn’t be worse than last season, could it?) with lots of goals and hopefully rounding off the season by going up as champions.

It will not be easy as the Football League are considering reducing the number of Premier league teams. This would impact all other teams as promotion places will be reduced thereby making automatic promotion more difficult than usual. All we can do is sit back, wait and hope. Every other team in the league will also be hoping for success and the prizes are few. The LSC wishes Neil and the team a good 1997-98 season and let’s hope this time next year we are anticipating a return to the Premier league yet again. We should make Lance Burton our first signing!

Elderly Bolton fan during their 2-0 defeat of Liverpool "It's nice t'see t'lads playing in white socks again."

Ian Rush "It's best being a striker, If you miss five, then score the winner, you're a hero. The goalkeeper can play a blinder, then let one in ... and he's a villain."

Bill Shankly (to a translator, when being surrounded by gesticulating Italian journalists) .. "Just tell them I completely disagree with everything they say!"

Bill Shankly (about the "This is Anfield" plaque) - "It's there to remind our lads who they're playing for, and to remind the opposition who they're playing against."

Bill Shankly (to Alan Ball, who'd just signed for Everton) : "Don't worry, Alan. At least you'll be able to play close to a great team!"

Ian Rush (after scoring at Chelsea in his final league game before joining Juventus)-. "See this shirt - I'm keeping it because it will be one of my most treasured possessions. It's only just beginning to sink in that it's all over for me as Liverpool player.

Graeme Souness (August 1987 as Rangers new manager) .. "My plans for Rangers can only be achieved by buying. I don't have time for young players to mature. That could take five years, and by then I could be out the door."

Last season Glenn Hoddle, Ruud Gullit and Dennis Wise were trying to get to Chelsea's ground when Glenn's car broke down on the wrong side of the river. They agreed to take a run up and try and run on water to the other side. Glenn went first and miraculously got to the other side without getting wet. Ruudi went next and also got to the other side without getting wet. However, Dennis took one step and went straight under and had to swim to the other side. Glenn turned to Ruudi and said "That was rotten we should have told him about the stepping stones just under the surface." to which Ruudi replied "What stones?".

Before the Big Match between Heaven & Hell, an angel said to a devil, "We're bound to win. We've got all the good footballers up here". "I know," said the devil. "But we've got all the referees down here!"

A burglary was recently committed at Manchester City's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. Police are looking for a man with a pale blue carpet. When asked if any cups were taken, manager Alan Ball replied, no they never found the kitchen.

What's the difference between the Grimsby keeper and a taxi driver?
A. A taxi driver will only let in four at a time.

Liverpool sign a Bosnian. On his debut he scores a hat-trick and is feted by all. After the match he phones his Mum to tell her how it went. She says; I'm glad things are going well for you, son - it' s not too good here. People came to our house and wrecked it, your father was beaten up, your sister raped (as was the dog) and we're feeling pretty bad..... I just wish you'd let us stay at home in Bosnia instead of bringing us here with you.

A man is walking down the street in London when he hears a woman screaming and detects a faint smell of burning in the air, He runs down the street and around a corner and sees a huge group of people standing watching a blazing building. On the tenth floor of the building a woman, clutching a bundle to her chest, is leaning out of a window screaming for someone to save her baby.
The man steps forward and calls up to the woman, "Throw down your baby and I'll catch it!" "No! No!" the woman shouts back. "You might miss or drop my baby and she'll be killed!"
"No I won't!" shouts the man. "I am David Seaman. I was the goalkeeper for England in Euro 96 and I didn't miss a match all through the tournament. In all that time I only let the ball into my net a few times."
"What? Hardly ever?" calls the woman.
"Yes!" shouts back the man. "Every football player in the land agrees that I was the best keeper in the competition and I'm now worth over 3 million pounds ".
And with that he adopts the classic goalkeepers stance - legs apart and slightly bent at the knees, body slightly bent forward at the waist and with his arms stretched downwards at a slight angle away from his body, with palms facing forward. "OK!" screams the woman. "I'll trust you. I've no choice! Here she comes!" So, with the flames roaring all around her, the woman throws the baby from the window. However, the edge of the baby's shawl catches on the woman's watch with the result that the child goes spinning off to one side, tumbling head over heels and with her little arms and legs flailing, The woman screams and the crowd gasps, all sure that the baby will perish because she will fall out of reach of the man. The man remains motionless as the child descends, spinning and tumbling further and further away from him as she comes.
Then when the baby is only feet from hitting the ground the man dives a full 30 feet across the pavement, catches the baby in his outstretched right hand, pulls her in towards his chest and shields her body with his left hand and arm. He hits the ground heavily on his right side and lies motionless on the pavement for a few seconds. Then, slowly, he raises himself to his feet and turns to face the crowd and everyone sees that the child is alive. The crowd is awe-struck. Then the crowd erupts with cheers and the woman, still in danger herself, nearly faints with relief. The man, still clutching the child to his chest in his right arm, waves to the crowd of onlookers to acknowledge their appreciation. Then, slowly and gracefully, he turns away from them, bounces the baby twice on the ground, and kicks her 60 yards down the road.....

Below are two almost identical drawings but there are 384 subtle differences.

Please list the differences and send your entry (postcards only please) to:
Spot The Difference, LSC Supporers Club, c/o Sheraton Hotel, Guildford, Surrey.

The winning entry will receive a years supply of 'Charmin' bathroom tissue - but please don't squeeze the 'Charmin'.

The annual LSC golfing tournament will take place at Coast Meridian golf-course on Thursday 26th. June. We will be issuing certificates of merit and need your help. Please nominate people with a suitable category. Give your suggestions to The Chairman or John Barnet, Thank you.

In the interests of all round fairness we are going to devote some space to the red team. They have been left out recently and that's not fair!
In case you are not sure whether you are a red fan or not the following will shed some light onto the matter.

You know you are a United fan when:

You've ever had to scratch your sisters name out of a message that begins- For a good time, call ....

A seven course meal is three oatcakes and a four-pack of beers

You think Dom Perignon plays for Genoa

The value of your car goes up and down depending on how much petrol it has in it
Your family tree is a straight line
Your dad walks you to school because you're both in the same grade
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your Vauxhall Viva does
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub
You go to your family reunion looking for a date
You consider your car number plate personalised as your dad made it in prison
Your toilet paper has numbers on it
You believe dual air-bags is a reference to your wife and mother-in-law
Your brother-in-law is your uncle and your grandfather
The Samaritans put the phone down on you
Your dog can't watch you eat without being sick
Your girlfriend deflates every time you give her a love-bite

I hope everyone is well. It is a long time since my last report. Well, the great escape didn’t happen this time and I can honestly say I didn’t think it would (but it didn’t stop me hoping). Going off the previous seasons narrow escape, the lack of improvement in quality players always meant we would be favourites to go down, but it didn’t soften the blow when it did happen.

I bought my season ticket for next year even though I wasn’t going to. I missed a few games last season because of midweek games and I was going to pick and choose - but you know me! I was successful in the Fantasy Football Table so it wasn’t a disasterous season. Keep the faith.

Nobby.

Dear Editor.

In a recent letter to the Latic newsletter, I noted with some concern that an unfortunate soul believed that he/she had been denied something previously promised.

All that I can suggest is that Jilted should consider whether sufficient inducements have been made to appease the Gods of the altar. Have the appropriate sacrifices been made? Has Jilted made commitments which will be honoured? Will the Gods be pleased by such efforts?

Dr. Feelgood.

Dear Dan,

It is with regret that I have to write this missive. I feel that I have been personally targeted in the recent letter by Jilted. Jilted obviously likes to tease as she was playing me off against another suitor. It became an auction with the highest bidder taking the spoils. I did, in fact , turn up at the alter and she stood me up. I drank that much coffee that I consider that I have grounds for a law suit. I am thinking of invoking the 'breach of promise' act and I do have witnesses. Jilted holds all the high cards and I think that I have been made the joker. I wish to remain anonymous for obvious reasons.

Fisher Crockett.